


You've Got Owl Mail

by JustRavenclaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Ilvermorny, M/M, Marauders, Marauders AU, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, The Marauder's Map, alternative universe, ilvermorny sirius, jily, non-voldemort au, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 05:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 67,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7745056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustRavenclaw/pseuds/JustRavenclaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walburga and Orion Black pulled their son out of Hogwarts the day after he was Sorted. No son of the Blacks was going to stay in the house of Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat has finally made a mistake.<br/>Sirius was sent to Ilvermorny to continue his education there, where he was sorted into Thunderbird. He never forgave his parents for what they did, especially because he became instant friends with Lily Evans. But that didn't matter anymore. Though they knew each other for three days, Lily and Sirius kept in touch, via owls.</p><p>James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were an inseparable group at Hogwarts. Smart, fun and close, everyone wanted to be their friend – with the exception of Severus Snape, of course. Even during the summer they kept each other updated on every little detail, also via owls.</p><p>Except when one night early in their summer break leading up to their 5th year, these owls don't work quite as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"Dear Lily,_

_I missed you too. Besides many reasons we both might not agree on, exams are no fun because we barely have time to owl. However, fear not! I know you probably returned home from Hogwarts by now, and I shall be arriving in England tomorrow night._

_My parents, of course, do not care to Apparate back and forth, and I haven't got the right information as to which Portkey to use, so I have to use muggle means of getting back home. Have you ever been on an airplane, Lily? It's my first time, and my brother told me it should just be like flying a much more comfortable broom._

_I hope to see you soon and get to catch up in person. Is the Potter boy still chasing after you? I hope not, you deserve better. Owl me back at Grimmauld Place and remember to just use LJE as your signature. It's safer for the both of us if you don't use your full name._

_Cordially Yours,_

_Sirius Black"_

Sirius wrote quickly as he didn't have much time left to finish, or for the sake of choosing better words, to start, packing. He wrapped the letter carelessly and shoved it at his owl's feet, deciding to go back to packing as soon as he's done. However, he couldn't imagine going back home with one of the few chocolate frogs his brother had given him as a goodbye gift like every year. Obviously, packing could wait because he couldn't have just offended his brother like that so Sirius sat back comfortably on his messy bed and enjoyed his chocolate frog. He glanced at his card where Godric Gryffindor looked back lazily at him. Sirius sighed and threw the card away.

* * *

" _Yo Remus,_

_What do you think of this introduction? I heard a few muggleborns greet each other as such after getting off the Hogwarts Express and thought I'd try it on you. Tell me what you think._

_I've just settled at the Manor. My parents are mega-clingy this year. They're upset they missed hearing my voice break. And they said I grew at least three inches taller. Did I, Remus? I think that's a ridiculous amount of height to gain over a school year. Either way, I think I can use that to my advantage. Since they're on such good terms with me (they seem to have forgotten the letters Minnie had sent), I might finally ask them for the Nimbus 1000. Can you imagine that?! Me going that fast? Slytherin better watch out next year cause there's no chance in hell they're winning with a seeker like me and a broom like mine._

_Also, the Nimbus 1000 is what all the Appleby Arrows players are using next year, so that's cool for sure._

_Rem, don't hesitate to send me as many owls as you want around the full moon like last year. We both know you need as much support as you want at that time._

_Your best friend,_

_James Potter_ "

James wrote as he gobbled down a piece of his mom's famous apple pie. He dropped a piece on the letter as he was trying to remember if he left anything out but he just brushed it off onto the ground and gave the letter to his owl. He then remembered he didn't want to upset his mother so he cleaned up after himself and went to wash his plate non-magically.

* * *

" _Dearest Sirius,_

_Shouldn't you be arriving in England soon? I know summers are no fun for you but I've planned for us to do some exciting things this year round! Hopefully you can finally meet my friend Snape, and more importantly, Marlene! I think you two will just click._

_I've missed owling you over exam period. But if I must say so, I think exams went really well this year for me. I'm already thinking of what I will be taking for my N.E.W.Ts because if I want to take my dream profession (can you remember what is it?), I should start planning from this moment._

_Back to the fun things I mentioned earlier, I'm thinking of taking you on a muggle-esque summer. Have you ever been to a theme park? Have you ever been record shopping? I think it's going to be a good summer, Sirius, especially since my sister is leaving for camp._

_Love always,_

_LJE"_

Lily proofread her letter twice, fixing anything that needed fixing and looked back at the owls in the post office. Her parents wouldn't let her have an owl because the thought of it just scared their precious Petunia. She sighed as she realised the only two available are ill ones who barely get the job done, and trust her, she knew that from experience. She tied the letter carefully to the one who wasn't asleep and watched him for a few minutes before he finally registered he had a job to do.

* * *

_"Dear James,_

_Mother is really ill. I don't know how I will manage taking care of her while dealing with the fast-approaching full moon. I don't mean to worry you, my friend, but I am scared and I need advice and I thought it's better to return to you than Pete for this one._

_Should I send her to St. Mungo's? The only problem with this option is that neither of us can Apparate, therefore we need a lot of effort to get there without turning attention towards ourselves. I'm most particularly scared of attracting creatures that prey on the weak. I may be a lost cause but she deserves better, James._

_Always thankful,_

_Remus Lupin"_

Remus wrote in an incoherent writing, but he knew James' handwriting itself was no better so he was bound to understand anyway. He quickly wrapped the letter to his young owl's foot and set her off quickly. He had a groaning mother drowning in pain to tend to.

* * *

 

That night, as the owls all flew around England at some point, a dark and sinister storm took over the sky. Everyone knew magic was not completely precise, but no one expected this twist of fate.

 


	2. Chapter 2

James couldn't believe His Luck. He thanked Merlin, and Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha and the Lord just for good measure too. He finally received some form of communication from the Love of His Life, after 4 years of hard work! Well sure, the letter wasn't addressed to him but it still counted. It definitely counted. He was still shocked that Lily kept in contact with Sirius after all these years. Of course no one actually forgot Sirius at Hogwarts, because how could someone forget the first student to ever be transferred  _from_ Hogwarts? Either way, James took the leisure of reading the letter over and over. He smelled it several times too just to get a hint of her scent but it just smelled like rain and mud. James was suddenly distracted by the beauty of magic because the letter was still in tact since last night's storm, but quickly shook it off after he remembered he was holding Lily Evans' letter in his hand right there. He wished he had Remus and Peter to share this piece of news with, and to have some advice onto what to do next. Since they weren't here, he did what he thought they'd tell him. Write her back about what happened, explaining that he didn't mean to snoop, and that he'll give her back her letter in person. Well maybe they wouldn't say that last part but they weren't here to stop him, so he simply wouldn't.

After creating a little hill of crumpled up parchment in the corner of his room, James finally wrote the Perfect Letter.

" _My Dear Lily Evans,_

_It seems that your letter to Sirius Black has somehow found its way to my house. I would send my own owl to find Black but I sadly do not know his address, and I assume the Post Office's owl doesn't know it either. Being the gentleman I am, I, of course, do not mind to meet you in person to hand you your letter back. I definitely wouldn't want this mess up to get in way of your exciting summer (Sirius is one lucky man)._

__N.B. I do know your dream profession. You want to be a Healer, don't you?_ _

__Love Always,_ _

__James Potter"_ _

James rubbed the letter carefully on his chest, hoping it would pick up on his earthy scent, then rolled it carefully and sent his owl who came back later in the day off to Lily's house.

* * *

Sirius had a long, tiring day. He took a London Cab (he always had a knack for dealing with muggle money) to 13, Grimmauld Place and walked his way to 12, which magically appeared to his eyes only. He was thankful that both his parents greeted him by just grunts. His brother, however, spent hours filling him up on his school year (they didn't exchange owls as much as he did with Lily). Then just as he went upstairs to his room, his mother called him down for dinner. Not willing to pick up a fight on the first day, he went back downstairs and sat at the dinner table. His father expressed a French prayer praising the Pure Bloods, ending it with the Black Family motto, "Toujours Pur". Just as they began to eat in silence, his mother broke it by mentioning the letter he received from a James Potter. Sirius choked on his chicken.

"It's not the kind of pure bloods we want you mingling with, but it's still a better step from mudbloods." His mother said in an almost appraising voice.

"Excuse me, not hungry anymore." Sirius jumped out of his seat, forgetting the pact he made with himself about not arguing on the first day. He grabbed the letter from the stack of letters near the piano and opened it. He turned red and gripped tightly onto the letter. The audacity of this boy! He truly was as awful as Lily made him out to be. He ran back to his room, grabbing a fresh piece of parchment and wrote down angrily.

" _Dear I-take-my-parents-for-granted-wanker,_

_The Nimbus 1000 is obviously a shit and uneducated choice. Firebolts are the future of Quidditch and all of brooms. And just for your knowledge, Mr. Show Off, no. You couldn't have possibly grown that much taller in a 9 months' span._

_Why did your stupid owl end up here? Oh, and "yo" is a stupid greeting, dimwit._

_Don't come near Lily again,_

_Sirius Black"_

Sirius used one of his family owls to send the letter to James, wherever the hell he was.

* * *

Remus was too scared, tired and hungry to decipher how a letter from Sirius Black to Lily Evans ended up at his house. He put it down safely on one of the two tables at his house. It was just one other thing he had to deal with later.

* * *

Lily's heart was beating fast. She didn't know what to do. Not only did she receive a letter meant for the person she hates the most, but it was such a personal letter. Nevertheless, it confirmed her suspicions about Remus Lupin. He must be a werewolf. She still didn't have anything against him, or at least not as half as much as she did at James. And now he was in need of serious help. She knew his mom had to go to St. Mungo's, but she didn't know Lupin's address nor did she think writing him back to explain the mess up was going to help him much. After a few minutes of thinking, she knew she had to go to the hospital itself to inform them. They were adult wizards, they would know what to do.

Lily took a cab to Purge and Dowse, Ltd. then walked into the hospital when muggles aren't paying attention to her. She explained to the receptionist what happened, leaving out the wolfish details. The receptionist witch said she will do her best to reach said Mrs. Lupin, but based on the limited amount of information Lily gave them, she couldn't promise much.

Lily waited for around an hour and as she thought of giving up, Remus, his mother and two male nurses suddenly popped up in front of the hospital entrance – they apparated, of course. The nurses rushed Mrs. Lupin to the right floor and Remus sulked behind her. Lily couldn't help but watch him in pity. Remus glanced at her, confused, but then held his head high and followed his mother.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story won't continue in the mail style, this is just to set the plot off! What are your thoughts so far?


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was a smart boy. He knew that now his mother is in St. Mungo's, she will be alright. He diagnosed her as having the flu. While it is serious, it isn't grave when treated properly with modern wizarding methods. With this information in mind, he allowed himself to slump in his chair and rest for a while. Yet, he couldn't. Once he closed his eyes, Remus couldn't help but think how on  _earth_ did he and his mother end up here? He knew Evans had something to do with it, because there was no other reason for her to be waiting at the entrance of the hospital and look so relieved after seeing him. He still wondered how she knew his mother was sick. Only James, who was yet to write back, knew this piece of information. James...

 _James_!

Remus was very well aware of James' infatuation with Evans, just as the rest of the school was. He must have been the one to tell her. However, Lily didn't care an inch for James and his friends – ie. Remus and Peter. Therefore, there was no reason for Lily and James to be exchanging such personal information. How  _did_ she know about his mother? Then suddenly, a vague, soon clear, memory of the letter from Sirius Black to Lily popped into his head. What were the odds she received his letter to James the same day he received Sirius' letter to her? Very slim.

Despite knowing the chances are that slim, a wave of panic surged over Remus. His skin turned green as he felt the bile rise up his throat. Remus might as well have written he was a goddamn werewolf in a big red bold font across the letter. She knew. If she read that letter, she knew his deepest, darkest secret and with Lily's intelligence, there was no way to convince her otherwise. 

After suffering a short-lived panic attack, Remus ran back to the entrance to see Lily Evans had already left the hospital.

* * *

Lily hated living with the weight of a secret on her shoulders, yet she couldn't dream of telling anyone about it. Which only made it harder. As she stepped outside of the cab and walked onto her porch, she remembered that a letter from Sirius might be awaiting her. Instead of going up to her room and reading her worries away, she checked the mail box (her parents still put her mail there, even when an owl would bring it right at their feet) for any letter addressed to her, and a letter she found. She unrolled it and murmured the letter aloud.

"My Dear Lily Evans..." Her eyes grew wider, face redder and grip tighter as she read every word. Lily stomped a foot and let out a voice that was somewhere between a scream and a groan. One of the reasons Lily enjoyed summer was that she could get away from James, but now he was haunting her. For a split second, she thought that he might have been the one who wrote the letter she received from Remus by mistake, then she remembered how sick Remus' mother actually was and that even for James, publicising your closest friend's deepest secret was too low.

She finally walked into her house and slumped on the sofa, not even bothering to write James back. Or at least not at the moment.

"Hello, sweetheart." Her father took a seat next to her. She looked back at him. It's the first time Lily really had a good look at her father in over a year. She never had the closest relationship with him, and attending a school in Scotland didn't really help. His hazel eyes, unlike her glimmering green ones, were soft and less determined. She noticed the wrinkles starting to form on his forehead and pitied him because he should have still been a few years away from forming wrinkles, but with the factory work, she couldn't blame him. His mouth was littered with breadcrumbs, indicating that he must have just finished having lunch. She then realised his bushy black eyebrows creasing together and remembered that it was probably her turn to speak.

"Hi, dad," was all she could manage, along with a forced smile.

"Want to watch West Side Story? We haven't watched it in such a long time!" Since you went to your freak-show of a school, Lily thought he wanted to complete. Her parents never explicitly said anything about Lily's ability, but she knew that deep down they never felt comfortable with it, or around her.

"Sorry, I have to write my friend back. Important summer project due." She kissed his cheek then sped-walked to her room. She thought might as well write him back.

_"James,_

_We both know owls don't need you to tell them any address. Keep the letter, and don't contact me again till the end of the summer – and better yet, ever._

_Lily."_

Short and simple was all she was going for, and she thought she had achieved it. However, as she picked up her book, she had a twisted feeling in her stomach that she was forgetting something really important.

* * *

James couldn't help but form a smirk as he read Sirius' letter. Though he didn't obsessively read it as the letter he mistakenly got from Lily, he went over it a few times. He had an odd feeling that him and Sirius would've gotten along really well had Sirius stayed in Hogwarts. After some research, James sadly found out that Sirius might have a point about Firebolts, but he wasn't about to admit that. Also, he was now assured that "yo" was a stupid greeting and because he was the Coolest Kid at school, he might as well drop it from now.

But most of all, the thing that made his heart swell the most, was the fact that Lily talked about him to someone who lived an ocean away. She took the time out of her daily life to write about him, despite Lily's busy school schedule. If this wasn't love, he didn't know what else was. This was truly James' lucky summer. He was bored and Remus hadn't written him back (Peter said he couldn't write in the first week of break, as usual, because his parents force him to finish all his homework at that time so he doesn't have to stress out about it and make excuses later), therefore he thought of writing Sirius back for the fun of it. Maybe he could even squeeze out a few things Lily said about it from the bloke.

" _Dear Sirius,_

_I have to disagree with you on your choice of broom, and my opinion will stand corrected when the Appleby Arrows win the National Quidditch league this year. As for my owl, I'm not so sure how it ended up at your house. However, I did end up with a letter from Lily to you, which you shall receive with this letter too (hey, that rhymed)._

_Mind telling me why I shouldn't come near her though?_

_Best regards,_

_James Potter, the Dimwit"_

* * *

Sirius was so bored that he started to wonder if death by boredom was an actual thing, and how it would exactly happen. However, he would never say that out loud because he saw boredom as a sign of lack of personality and a weakness. He closed his eyes and thought back to his plane ride. At first, he didn't actually feel much. He was just sitting and the world seemed to move past him through his window. He thought he jinxed himself when the turbulences came. Sat next to him was a man who couldn't be older than 25 years old and seemed too calm about flying on an old piece of junk across the planet, but Sirius thought that maybe muggles are used to it. The man took notice of Sirius' paleness around the time the turbulences became too angry and introduced himself as Harvey Pemberton. He told Sirius that turbulences are common and airplane crashes aren't too common, so he needn't worry.

Still the look on Sirius' face gave away his persisting fear so Harvey sat crosslegged and looked at Sirius seriously (!). "Have you listened to the new Queen track?" Harvey asked.

Shit. Muggle talk. Sirius' knowledge about muggles was very limited in many ways, especially being in Ilvermorny. Sirius thought Harvey might be talking about the Queen of England, but he doubted that she had a "track" so he simply shook his head.

"Man. Oh man! Are you shitting me? Oh man, I wish there was some record player around here. Oh this song is absolute genius, Black, let me tell you. It will go down in history. It's called Bohmeian Rhapsody and it's 6 minutes of just genius." Sirius had never heard so much blabber come out of one person's mouth at once. 

"Can you sing it?" Sirius managed to say, to his surprise. Who asks a stranger to sing a song? It's just that Sirius was a huge fan of music, and was very intrigued to hear the song this muggle was so infatuated by.

"I thought you'd never ask." Harvey grinned then started singing. Surprisingly, his voice was strong but soothing.

The Worries of the World fell away and Sirius felt the song being drilled to his bones. He suddenly knew what the man was talking about. This song was somehow a mess, but it was a beautiful mess. It's like it was a bit of everything at once, which made it its complete separate entity.

Harvey's voice was great. The song's different tunes were very enjoyable. But Sirius almost didn't care for anything but the words – he'd later come to know these words are called lyrics. Call them what you want, but these lyrics moved him and gave him an understandable ache in his heart. Two verses stood out in his head the most.

_"Mama, ooo,_

_Didn't mean to make you cry_

_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow_

_Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters"_

Was the first verse that stuck in the back of his mind, but it was topped on with an Even Better one. 

_"Mama, ooo,_

_I don't wanna die,_

_I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all"_

Sirius asked Harvey to sing the song again so he could memorise these two verses. He had a spectacular memory and didn't know where to put it into use. _Eureka,_ he thought to himself. Song lyrics.

Now, he lay in his bed, thinking about the new Queen track. He hummed his two favourite verses – because that was all he'd manage to memorise – when an unfamiliar owl flew into his room from his window. He hoped it was Lily, because he was yet to hear back from her. In a sense, it was her, but it really wasn't. Sirius read James' letter first, then Lily's. He replied to Lily first telling her to plan any sort of outing and write him back quickly because he hated being under the same roof as his parents.

After, he thought hard, but not long, about a witty reply to James,

_"James,_

_You should stay away from her because she thinks you're a brainless and emotionless twat who cannot take a hint. Her words, not mine._

_I think we should settle this broom debate by a good old broom race. I have the latest Firebolt, and I assume you would have bought your Nimbus by the time you get this letter._

_Meet me in front of Gringotts this coming Wednesday._

_Kick your ass soon,_

_Sirius"_

By planning on finally meeting the infamous James Potter on Wednesday, Sirius had 3 days to practice as hard as he can. He wasn't about to lose to the person his best friend loathed the most.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The Black family didn't engrave much into Sirius except for the very few actually useful things. Promptness was one of them. Sirius didn't think of himself as a decent, collected person that people aspire to be. In fact he thought he was quite the opposite, but being on time was just a thing that was natural to do. If you agree to meet up with someone at 2pm, as James had owled him back, you arrive there at time because, unless you or your loved ones are dying, there isn't any excuse not to. It wasn't even etiquette, it's just self-respect and common sense to be on time.

It was approaching 2:20pm as Sirius sighed and readjusted his broom against one of the bank's walls to keep it from falling and shifted his weight from his right to his left leg. By the time it was 2:35pm, he seriously considered leaving but then remembered he was bound to meet Lily later at 4pm in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, so he had to stay either way. Not long after, James finally emerged from the large crowd near Broomstix and walked to Gringotts slowly. He looked uncertainly at Sirius. Of course, Sirius thought. He didn't know how he looked like, but Sirius sure could pinpoint James out of a large crowd like that due to the extensive detail Lily describes him with. James' hair was everywhere. It seemed wet, though Sirius felt like it was just how it naturally looked. His eyes, though covered by thick spectacles, were beady and almost black-looking. His skin was tanned, minus the horrible obscene tattoos Lily described him with. He was wearing an Appleby Arrows t-shirt, grey in colour with the team's symbol, the blue arrow, standing vertically across his chest. On his legs were blue jeans that look worn out and baggy, yet somehow stylish.

Also, because the boy was holding the mediocre looking Nimbus 1000. Slowly and casually, he too walked closer to James.

"Hey, it's Sirius." He held out his hand.

"Oh, how did you know it's me?" The boys shook hands firmly.

"Really good intuition." Sirius raised his eyebrows at James as if daring him to question his response.

"Fair enough. Well, shall we start racing then?" Not waiting for Sirius to answer, James got on his broomstick and Sirius followed suit. He then explained to James how the race will go. They would fly from Gringotts to Broomstix all the way down to the Leaky Cauldron then turn to Potage's Cauldron Shop and continue all the way back to this very spot at Gringotts.

Soon enough, Sirius was counting down from 3 and the race begun. Both teenagers decided to fly high in order to avoid crashing into anyone. The race was very tight and they alternated the lead several times. As they flew over Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, James was momentarily distracted by the Illusion Fireworks that took the shape of whatever you told them to. A firework shaped like a dog formed underneath him and he wondered if he could get it to look like Lily. When he noticed Sirius was all determination, and was leading by a significant amount, suddenly nothing was on James' mind but winning. He soared past him and soon enough, he was the first to land at Gringotts safely. Sirius landed a few seconds later with a sour look on his face.

"Rematch," was all he said, and James was more than glad to.

After five races, from which Sirius only won one, they were both hungry and tired. Suddenly a panic washed over Sirius.

"Shit!" It was 4:30pm and Lily must have been waiting for him all alone with no way to reach him. He didn't feel the need to explain himself to James and ran off to the ice cream parlour.

"Hey! Wait!" James shouted and ran after him. He needed to know more about Lily!

They both halted at the same second as they reached the parlour, in utter shock. James probably more than Sirius.

Lily was sat in front of a boy her age with her hand on his knee. Her expression was soft and understanding, something James loved about her and Sirius looked forward to every summer. She was nodding and speaking quietly. The boy had his slightly head down, listening intently and looked like he was at the verge of tears.

 _Betrayal_ was the first thing that popped in James' mind, unlike Sirius, who was mesmerised by the boy sat opposite of Lily. He was wearing a sweater during the peak of July, which Sirius always took as a sign of trying to hide something, rather than sheltering yourself from the non-existing cold. Yet his skin was sickly pale, and Sirius wondered if he actually was sick. His eyes were green, but unlike Lily's, they were soft and had a hint of brown to them. The tears made them glisten under the shining sun. Sirius didn't know why he was noticing all these minor details about this utter stranger, so he just shook all of it out of his head and cleared his throat. However, this is not what grabbed their attention.

"REMUS JOHN LUPIN YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. DEAD, I SAY! OH THE BETRAYAL!" James was flailing around, his face turning red, his broom almost knocking a costumer's head off.

"Boy, watch that thing." It seemed that James had no intentions to until he saw the look on Florean Fortescue's face.

Remus turned paler, if that was even possible, and shook his head. "James, please sit down," he asked his friend in a calm and collected voice, and somehow James obliged. Sirius was surprised, seeing he was raging a few seconds ago.

Standing behind her, Lily couldn't see Sirius yet and Remus didn't pay much attention since he was just a stranger. He walked at an angel he can see Lily looking like she was about to explode and he couldn't help but chuckle quietly. She really loathed the Potter boy. 

"Remus, explain yourself this instant. And you!" He glanced at Lily. "You had eyes for him all along?! How could you play me like this, Evans? I thought we had something so much better between us! And you!" Sirius couldn't believe that he was actually being forced to be part of this conversation.

"Did you know about this? How could you know and not tell me?!" James sighed dramatically and threw his head back.

This boy was so oblivious and thick, Sirius thought. He grabbed a chair and sat down next to Lily, who displayed a sign of relief at his sight, wrapping an arm around her and using his free hand to run a hand through his hair that is finally starting to grow long. His parents never let him grow it that long when he was younger, but now they had sort of given up on Sirius in many aspects. 

"You were with... James?" Lily frowned. Not the greeting he was hoping for. 

"I was just teaching him a lesson, Lils, don't you worry. You look gorgeous by the way." He planted a kiss on her cheek, smirking at James in the process, and she returned his compliment with a tight hug.

"So let me get this straight, everyone has a thing with Lily but me?" James looked actually hurt. Lily couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What are you trying to imply, Potter?! That I am some sort of a slag?! Oh, screw you! I am here to fix what you did! Remus deserves a much better friend than you, anyway. You are unbelievable! I despise you!" She shrieked at him and stood up, causing Sirius to follow her in the process.

It took a few seconds for James to register what she was saying and then Sirius was a 100% convinced that the three of them, Lily, James and Remus, were having a full fledged conversation just by their eyes. It ended up with Remus nodding just a tiny bit at James, causing the colour to drain out of his face and look apologetically at Lily then even more at Remus. Sirius hated not being part of this secret conversation but was positive Lily would explain it to him later.

"Lily, I am so sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I didn't know you fou-, I mean, I'm just sorry, thank you for... I'm just so sorry, oh my god." James had a genuine look of apology on his face, which was good enough to keep Lily from exploding at him once more because everyone was sure that she could.

"Remus, I hope you understand that everything is okay, and if you need any help you can always come to me. Sirius, let's go." She started walking out of the parlour when Sirius whined and swang his long arms around.

"Lily, I wanted ice cream!" She almost argued back but pursed her lips and crossed her arms, in typical Lily fashion, and told him to get it done quickly. 

Sirius bought his ice cream and on his way back to Lily, who was waiting outside the parlour, he stopped at the table Remus and James were still sat. They were deep in conversation, but he still held out his hand to Remus, because it was only polite to introduce yourself. "Sirius. Sirius Black." Sirius mumbled his last name unsurely. A look of recognition, one that Sirius hated, registered across Remus' face.

"Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you, though other circumstances would have been better." Remus attempted what seemed like a sad excuse for a laugh.

"Oh please, that's her normal." Sirius smiled at him. "Pleasure's mine. I better get going before she eats my head off. See you soon! Uhm, I think." Sirius laughed awkwardly as Remus smiled and nodded. He nodded his head casually at James who didn't wear his light hearted smirk anymore and James barely acknowledged him back. Sirius hummed the two verses of Bohemian Rhapsody as he finally made his way to his friend, ready to be there for her, and, deep down, expecting the same.

* * *

Lily and Sirius arrived at the record shop after much begging from latter. Lily had planned they go to a theatre instead, but Sirius said he _needed_ to go to a place that sold muggle music. He wanted Lily to explain everything about how it worked because he had years of music to catch up on. She loved the distraction, and she told him all about the music she grew up with and everything she knows since.

She told him about Queen, The Beatles, Elton John, Jackson 5, Led Zeppelin, The Beach Boys, Elvis Presley, Sam Cooke and a lot more. She didn't know she possessed so much knowledge about music, especially after being sucked into the Wizarding World, but she did and her love for the art was reignited and she decided to pass everything she knew to Sirius. He was a great listener, and she admired that about him. That's one of the great thing about their friendship, they can talk easily even through the elephants in the room.

Sirius looked like he had just come home after a long hard day, which made her heart heavy because he has never actually known a home. He had the faintest of smiles on his face as he took in every part of the record store. He first stopped at the gadget area and picked up both a radio and a record player as she advised him. Lily told him she will pay for everything in muggle money and he could give her their worth in galleons later. They left the gadgets at the register and went to the best part. Picking the actual records. Sirius was instantly drawn to A Night at the Opera's album by Queen, carrying it carefully. Lily then helped him pick some more records she knew he would love and let him venture out to pick some other ones he thought "looks good".

Soon, they bought everything and walked out of the store. They found a bench nearby and as if by a telepathic mutual agreement, they each took a seat. Sirius put the record player and radio on the ground. He wouldn't let Lily carry either of them and she was impressed since he looked he was physically pained by just the record player alone.

"So," He sat up and looked at her. "How are you, Lils? What did I miss out on?" Relief. He didn't ask her about Remus.

"Not much. As you know, Petunia is gone, so I've just been going out and about. I met up with Snape twice in a park near our house. I also am almost done with all my homework because I definitely do not want to worry about that later. And in between I have just been trying to fix this whole owl mail fiasco." She smiled at him. He looked back at her with what seemed like a questioning gaze. Sirius had grown older over the last school year. Taller, for sure. He also let his hair grew as he always wished he could. He looked thinner too, his cheekbones looking sharper than ever. This also made his red, pouty lips stand out more than usual.

"No, Lily. What's been really going on with you?" He questioned her and she couldn't help but bite her lip.

"Anxious, alone and afraid."

"That's my girl," he said and she couldn't help but smile. "Tell me why?"

"Anxious because I know I still have 3 years to go but I can't help but to think about the future. I have to leave my family behind right away, get a job, start a whole new life. I've never done that. Being a wizard is so unlike what I was taught growing up and sometimes it gets so overwhelming." She took a shallow breath. "I want more than anything to be a Healer, Sirius, but this takes so much effort, you know? I am scared I can't meet these expectations, especially because they are my own.

"I'm alone because my best friend lives across the globe, and Severus is getting involved with the wrong people and won't hear me out anymore. I have girl friends too but... They can just be superficial sometimes and I can't really talk to them about serious stuff" – she ignored the smirk on Sirius' face.

"And I am afraid because I'm getting more and more paranoid by the day that my parents don't want anything to do with me and because Petunia keeps giving them all that false information and because I'm not there most of the time, I can't stop her." Lily didn't know which part exactly had her tears started rolling down her face. But all of a sudden, she just felt so much _better_. She also felt so grateful for Sirius because until that moment she didn't know having someone to talk out all your problems to felt so good.

He hugged her and rocked her for a while till she calmed down. 

"Lily, you are the strongest girl I know. No bluff. You can be Minister for Magic if you wanted to be, so if it's a Healer you want to be, it's a Healer you will be. I would also recommend you let go of all the negative people in your life – it works miracles, trust me." He looked down at her and she couldn't help but giggle softly at the little second chin that formed underneath his original one.

"Sirius, you're fucked up, though." He always told her honesty was her best quality.

"This is very true. But I live my life without worries and maybe if you tried to do that too, you'll start feeling better." He nodded and she knew there was truth to his words.

"So tell me, what's this Remus boy's deal?" _Damn you, Black. You were doing so well,_ Lily thought to herself.

"Uhm," she looked around and saw a particularly flamboyant man  **sashaying** down the street, "he's gay. I accidentally got his letter to James that mentioned something about that and I met up with him today to promise his secret was safe."

"Ah," she was more than relieved to see Sirius convinced.


	5. Chapter 5

It has been three days since Sirius and went out with Lily and lost four broom races to James Potter. He sat down by his window as he, much to his parent's dismay, listened to Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin, a song Lily said if you wanted to claim that you knew anything about music, you better know it from start to finish. He could have attempted to memorise it and enjoy the sunshine too if he wasn't lost in what Lily revealed about Remus Lupin. 

Sirius didn't know, nor care, much about the boy, but he was just stuned to find someone who _understood_. Sirius was only 14 and wasn't thinking about the future or having an active love life at the time, but he couldn't help but think about his sexuality since his hormones were at their peak most of the time. Sirius had fooled around with girls, kissed a little less boys, but it was all to waste because he really knew what his heart desired deep down. The only girls Sirius cared for were his friends, and he knew that they will never be more than that. It wasn't a struggle, it wasn't a matter of questioning, he just knew he was capital G, Gay.

He was a carefree teenager and he didn't care what people think, much thanks to his parents. He could also count the amount of friends he had on his fingers, which were only two. His brother was his brother and he stood by him all those years so he wouldn't be shook by something that didn't really matter. Everyone else were just acquaintances or admirers and he couldn't care less if he lost them. He just wasn't sure why he couldn't come out to anyone. He could easily pick up a feather and a piece of parchment and explain to Lily, but even the thought of doing that made him nauseous and Sirius was never one to admit that he's scared. 

* * *

Remus finally transformed back. His bones ached and his body was on fire. He dragged himself back home, avoiding running into anyone. His mother was asleep at this time of night. Next, out of habit, he took an icy shower just the way he likes it (he didn't have many options anyway, they always ran out of hot water). He stepped out of the shower wondering if it was possible to feel any worse – whether physically or mentally – and he decided it wasn't. He hit rockbottom which he thought was a good thing because that means the only way was up from there. 

He looked into the mirror and someone he didn't know stared back at him. This wasn't just a cliché. Remus did look different. He was used to slashes and wounds after each transformation and most of them usually healed. But there was no running away from these. Three large scars gashed across his face. They were deep and oozing with blood that even the shower couldn't hold back. For a second, Remus was amazed at his pain threshold but then realised he had bigger fish to fry. He was surprised his eyes were safe, though the cuts went over his lids. He looked much more terrifying than terrified by his newly earned scars. How will he explain this to anyone? How much longer will he have to keep making up barely convincing excuses? How could he ever be loved after today?

* * *

"MUM, REMUS AND PETE ARE SLEEPING OVER TOMORROW!" James called out from the sky down to his mother who had Apparated at their doorstep. He was practicing on his new broomstick with a newly found confidence after beating Sirius Black at not one, but _four_ races.

His mother jumped in slight fright but couldn't help but smile at her child. _Perks of being an only child_ , James thought.

"Sure, sweetheart, but you have to clean your room and the kitchen before the time they arrive!" She singsonged as she walked indoors, and suddenly James wanted to take everything he thought about being an only child back. 

"Mum, no!" James landed his broomstick gracefully and followed his mother. "Can't I use magic just this once, please? Please, please, please?" He followed quickly behind her. 

"James, no. That is breaking the ministry law _and_ Dumbledore's trust. I can't allow it. Now off you go!" How Low. He couldn't believe she pulled the Dumbledore Card on him though she  clearly knew how much he loved Alby. And that was enough to send James to his room in anticipation of his friends.

Tomorrow came and soon enough Peter was strutting into the Potter Manor. James couldn't imagine Peter's life without his parents. He depended on them so terribly from things like being on time to things like choosing a girl (which was yet to happen). James had just woken up and was changing out of his pyjamas when his friend was waiting in the living room. Peter's voice was high and James could hear him all the way from his bathroom and couldn't help but smile. He missed his friend. 

"Pete, my man!" James Man-Hugged Peter as soon as he reached the living room.

"James! So good to see you, I've been drowning in homework." Peter frowned as he took a seat but soon looked like his own laid back self again.

"Ah, homework. What was that thing again?" 

Peter laughed at James. They both had breakfast, knowing that Remus wouldn't be here soon. It was just a few days after the full moon and he would still be getting much needed rest. 

It was 5 o'clock when James had filled Peter in on everything that happened in his summer so far – and how he saw and heard more from Lily than he did the whole school year. A knock came at the door and James knew it was Remus because his parents were going to be out late. James ran to the door and Peter followed him at a slower pace. He opened the door and there stood Remus, or some version of him.

James' heart was at his throat. He wasn't going to lie to his friend and act like he couldn't see the godawful scars. They didn't make Remus look hideous or anything, they just broke James' heart because no one should have to go through this.

He also felt guilty because what if the werewolf in Remus hadn't hurt him so bad if Lily didn't know their secret?

Peter, ever so thick, gasped and widened his eyes. "REMUS! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

The only reply he got was an elbow in the stomach from James.

The boys walked silently to James' room and he was the one to break the silence. "Boys, I want to try out a new invention I just thought of."

"Of course. Does it involve getting Lily to fall in love with you?"

"I could've used Amorentia on her long ago, Lupin. And no. My parents just restocked on Butterbeer and Firewhiskey. What do we say we try out own little mixture of the two?" He wore a childlike grin on his face when non of the two objected. 

Soon enough, all of them was tipsy. Peter more than the rest because he was an extreme lightweight. They all spoke about uncharted territory – Peter, his obsessive parents, James, his unrequited love, and Remus, his Lycanthropy. Well, maybe it wasn't uncharted after all.

"Boys, I think we've had enough." Remus warned though James knew he drank the most out of the three of them, yet he couldn't blame him. 

Once they cleaned up after each other, they, or mainly James and Peter, started testing out new tricks from Gambol and Japes while Remus read a book he, in typical fashion, bought along.

It was a good night. It was one of their best sleepovers yet, but it couldn't help but feel like something was missing among them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really enjoyed writing this chapter. It gave a lot more insight to our characters. Leave what you guys think in the comments please and don't forget to leave your Kudos!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my utter horror, I had to rewrite most of this chapter twice because I accidentally refreshed the page and everything was gone. I am rewriting this at 5:30am.  
> Either way, just so you can paint the context, the year before the Marauders' 5th year was 1975. This is especially useful for all the muggle pop culture references I make.

"So... You know how James and I went broom racing?" Sirius asked Lily. They were having slush drinks and going to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Sirius had begged Lily to watch it after having seen a poster on the street earlier in the week. The original plan was to watch Jaws.

“Yes, and you won three matches against his three? To be honest, I’m surprised! Oh, come on Sirius don’t take it personally. Potter actually knows his way around a broomstick. Stop laughing you pervert!” Lily couldn’t help but giggle herself. She only saw him once since they went record shopping and even that didn’t last long. She was reminded to not let herself miss him this much ever again. With the exception of when he’s a thousand miles away, of course.

“Yeah, about that… I actually won only once. And lost four times.” Sirius smiled sheepishly.

“Sirius Black!”

“Sorry! I just couldn’t admit my defeat yet. You know, actually, we’ve been exchanging owls recently and he was wondering if I wanted to grab a bite and go for a few more races. It’ll be a good opportunity to redeem myself. You know, if it’s okay with you.”

Lily didn’t know how to feel. Her best friend hanging out with her mortal enemy. Sirius sure did give off a vibe of being The Most Nonchalant Person on earth, but she knew he was lonely, and even if it _is_ James Potter, Sirius needed more people around him.

“Oh yeah? What are you two dating now?” She smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Not funny.” Suddenly, Sirius’ lighthearted smile turned into stone.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I mean like, if you want to then sure, Sirius.” She nodded.

“Thank you,” was the last thing he said till they reached the movies.

They bought their tickets and the popcorn – Sirius was fascinated by the concept. Better than anything magic could do, he said. Even tasted better than anything magic can brew.

“I mean, I’ve tasted Polyjuice Potion, Lily. It tasters like donkey piss. Popcorn, however, now that is some heavenly shit.”

“Why did you even have Polyjuice?!” She frowned.

“Ah, must be one of the many pranks I’ve never told you about because I knew you would give me this exact face.” He said as they took their seats.

Sirius made her watch the movie three more times.

* * *

 

Sirius wasn’t sure if he loved anything more than The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Well, maybe Lily, Regulus and Queen, but that was it.

It was genius. He never felt so alive, or so happy. He thought it was the best thing to happen to mankind, or at least in the movie area. He felt like he would fit in the movie without even “acting”. Most of all, he couldn’t believe it was all done without magic.

“I would definitely be Frank N. Furter. What about you?” He asked Lily.

“Sirius, can we please talk about something else?” She rubbed her temples. In hindsight, he _had_ been talking about the movie for the last 7 hours.

“Sure. Sorry.” He nodded.

“Thank you. We’re meeting Severus now, who’s been waiting for three hours.” Lily pursed her lips.

“Oops.”

“Look, he’s very much… Into his shell. So just try to cut him some slack, you’ll really like him.”

“The more you talk about him the more I feel like he’s an asshole whom you just look past his flaws for some reason.”

She rolled her eyes and walked up to Snape’s house and Sirius followed. She knocked then rang the doorbell when no one answered the door. There was some ruckus inside as Sirius sighed impatiently and shifted his weight from a leg to another. Soon enough, the boy who Sirius thought could be Severus opened the door.

He had long black hair which he didn’t wear nearly as half as good Sirius. It was greasy which made the hair on Sirius’ neck stand because of how uncomfortable it made him feel. On top of all of that, it looked like it had been chopped, not even cut. Sirius was sure each hair was a different length than the other. Beside his hair, the other feature that stood out was his large crooked nose which sadly made him even _less_ handsome. And then the boy smiled.

“Lily…” He wasn’t just smiling, Snape’s dead black eyes suddenly twinkled and went back to live.

The two greeted each other, then Lily introduced them and Snape’s face slightly fell.

“Oh, you’re Sirius. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Snape muttered.

“Don’t look so upset.” Sirius raised his eyebrows. “I’m sure Lily told you all good things about me.”

“I didn’t just hear about things from her… I know most of your cousins.” He shrugged and walked inside with Lily and Sirius hesitantly followed. If all Snape knew about Sirius was information from his cousins, the poor git probably hates Sirius’ guts.

Snape and Lily chattered away as Sirius sat next to them awkwardly. Lily tried to include Sirius in the conversation but neither Snape nor Sirius seemed interested in that, so he excused himself for the bathroom.

Sirius being Sirius, he thought he’d snoop around. Anyone involved with his cousins was no good news and he didn’t want Lily involved with them. There were two rooms in the house, one opened and one closed, and naturally Sirius walked to the one with the opened door. Luckily, it was Snape’s. It had one bed and it was fairly messy. There were a few school books scattered around. A lonely owl sat at the corner and near the owl was a cauldron. Next to the bed was a bookshelf, instead it didn’t host any books. Sirius’ heart took a leap as he approached the shelves. He could practically feel the cursed object. If it wasn’t a cursed object, it was still something purchased at Borgin and Burkes. He knew all about these stuff too well because his family, unlike many others, taught him everything about dark objects before he could probably even read or write.

He felt his heart at his throat once his suspicions about Snape were confirmed. He stormed out to the living room and grabbed Lily’s wrist.

“Sirius, what the hell?” She pulled her wrist back.

“Come on, we’re leaving this place. He’s sick, Lily. He’s dangerous!” Sirius was more angry at Snape than he was at his parents this whole year. He was used to them, but he wasn’t used to someone putting Lily in danger like that.

“Sirius, stop! I’m not leaving I’m with my friend.”

“Friend? He’s… He’s psychopathic!”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“You’re unbelievable. How could you hang out with him, Lily? You told me he was involved with the wrong people but this… This is twisted!”

“I think you should leave.” Snape finally spoke up.

“You ugly git, you shut your mouth!”

“Get. Out. Of. My. House.” Snape enunciated each word.

“Gladly. See you later, Lily.” Sirius laughed but his intent was everything but humour.

* * *

 

James, Remus and Peter waited in one of the emptier wizard parks. They were bound to meet with Sirius in thirty minutes but James made them all gather up sooner so he could showcase his broom skills before the match.

“You’re getting so much better, James.” Peter said admirably.

“You bet I am!” James called out as he made a 360 degree flip on his broom.

“I’m so very proud to call you my friend.” Remus mumbled. He was leaning back with his eyes closed against a large cypress tree. Ironically, it was the wood his wand was made out of. It was even more handy because it was very leafy and blocked the sun away from his face.

“I could use without the sarcasm, you know, Rem?” James went back to the ground and put his broom down.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Remus was just used to using sarcasm as a defence mechanism and he had no intentions of hurting his friend. He was lost in his thoughts about his future. Suddenly, he felt a twinge of hatred towards Dumbledore for letting him into Hogwarts. What life can Remus have as a werewolf after school anyway? Seven years of schooling was hopeless since it would all be futile once he graduates and no one will want to work with a monster like him.

“It’s okay.” James gave him a long meaningful look as if he could read into the boy’s thoughts. That’s one thing Remus appreciated about James, he always knew what to say and do to make him feel better.

Soon enough, Remus saw Sirius Black approach them. Remus only remembers Sirius very briefly form his first day at Hogwarts because the only time the whole school ever fell silent was when Sirius was Sorted. Of course Remus saw Sirius a couple of weeks ago, but it was a very distressing day for Remus, so he doesn’t remember him much.

Now that he was very close, Remus can make out Sirius clearly. He could tell the kind of family Sirius came from by just the way he carried himself. He was elegant and poised even in his muggle clothes. He was wearing tightly fitting blue jeans, with a white t-shirt and a jacket that seemed to be made out of leather, but could’ve been another similar material only found in the Wizarding World. His long hair was tied into a slick ponytail, making his eyes and cheekbones stand out. His lips were also very rosy, almost as if Sirius took special care of them.

Sirius didn’t speak even when he was now among them.

“Black.” James stood up and held his hand out.

“P– James.” Sirius shook hands with him firmly.

“Well, this is Remus, you’ve met him. And this is Peter Pettigrew, he’s our friend.” James introduced his friends. “Friends, this is Sirius.”

Everyone exchanged hellos then James noticed.

“Where’s your broom?!”

“Sorry, I forgot it at home and uh, I was too far way when I realised I did.” Sirius looked like he wasn’t letting onto the whole story, but everyone let it drop.

“Oh. Fine. Then let’s just do lunch?” James looked disappointed, but Remus was proud of how he held himself together.

“Sure, I’m starving.” Sirius nodded and all of them walked to a wizard-owned restaurant.

They all ordered their usuals – every young wizard and witch has already visited Mrs. Tanjileen’s many times by the time they were the 14.

Soon enough, Sirius took over the conversation. He had a great storytelling technique that even Remus didn’t feel like zoning out in his own thoughts.

He told them all about America and Ilvermorny. He told them all about his Great Pranks which Lily didn’t approve of, and Remus wondered if Sirius and James were destined to be the best of friends.

“Everywhere was flooded. And me being Polyjuiced into looking like out caretaker didn’t help. I refused to help and screamed to the Headmistress that they had this coming, with all the loose rules. She almost lost her mind, and more so when we unlocked the poor git’s room and let him out and he said he had no idea what was going on.”

James was at the verge of tears and Peter was tittering manically. Even Remus smiled and listened intently to the black-haired boy. He usually didn’t approve of big-scale mischief, but he had to admit Sirius had a way with his pranks and the way he told them with so much passion. Also, for some reason, Sirius kept involving Remus into the conversation. It was the most kindness Remus has ever received from a stranger after Dumbledore and James.

When James calmed down, he told Sirius how much their caretaker reminded him of Hogwarts’ own, Argus Filch.

“With a name like that, I don’t blame him.” Sirius grimaced as he bit into his beef chop.

The boys didn’t realise it but they kept talking until _after_ dinner time. Even when Peter pointed it out and ordered a second plate of Sheperd’s Pie, no one felt it was weird. It was like old friends reconciling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry in advance for the first part of this chapter.

Sirius found himself at Lily's doorstep after seeing James and his friends. He knew she wouldn't apologise or try to contact him first, especially since she didn't know what Sirius had found  out. To her, Sirius was just being unjustifiably possessive. It was their first fight and he already didn't have much to lose in the first place, so he wasn't ready to lose Lily.

He rang the doorbell as he'd seen her do with Snape's house. A teenager opened the door, but much to Sirius' dismay, it was not Lily.

"Oh, you're not the pizza boy." Her tone wasn't annoyed. In fact, the girl twirled her blonde curly hair on her index and leaned against the door. "Who ya lookin' for?" She chewed loudly on her gum, smiling widely and Sirius couldn't help but watch her bright glossy red lipstick. 

"Uhm," he snapped back to reality, noticing that he probably gave off the wrong vibe by staring at the girls' lips. "Is Lily home? Is this the Evans' house?"

"Right." The girl walked back inside, walking in a manner that was supposed to make her back look full and attractive. Sirius was already bored of her.

Lily finally showed up and Sirius felt relief wash over him already.

"Sirius, this is Marlene, Marlene, this is my friend Sirius." Lily nodded. Sirius shook hands with Marlene but his mind was elsewhere. Lily wouldn't look him in the eye. She looked upset that he was there – just like many other people do when he was present.

"Oh my God! You're Sirius!" Sirius hadn't anticipated this but Marlene took him into a tight hug. "Lily keeps mentioning you! She just never stops. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius! But hey, I finally know why." She giggled then pulled back less enthusiastically when she noticed Sirius didn't return the hug.

"Lily can... I talk to you?" Sirius had his eyes fixed on her.

"We're talking." She still wasn't looking at him.

"Alone."

"Anything you can tell me, you can tell to Marlene." Sirius felt his heartbreak a little. Then as if she had a change of heart, Lily excused herself and Sirius then took him back to his room. He'd only been there once when they were both twelve. It hadn't changed much. Sirius guessed it was because Lily didn't spend that much time in it anyway.

Her bookshelf, unlike one he'd seen earlier in the week, was filled with books. Mostly ones he'd never heard of before, so he only assumed they were muggle books. Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Jane Austen were the most recurring authors. He also noticed that she had not one, but four different copies of Pride and Prejudice. They all had different covers though and Sirius was amazed at muggles' creativity. Her walls were painted a soft yellow and there were several plants lined along her window. Sirius wondered who watered them when she was away. Her desk was filled with neatly stacked Hogwarts books. There was a piece of parchment in the middle of the desk and a quill lined neatly beside it. Everything was so in order Sirius was wondering how much effort she did to keep it this way, and why she bothers. However, her bed was to an extent messy. It was covered in tiny paint bottles that Sirius later realised was what Lily painted her nails with. He took a seat next to Lily on the bed and noticed this was where Marlene must have been sitting a few minutes ago.

"Sorry I came unannounced." He finally spoke.

"It's okay." Her voice sounded genuine.

"So... Pride and Prejudice?"

"Huh?"

"You have four copies of the same book."

"Oh! Oh. Yeah. It's my favourite book. You can borrow a copy."

"Ah, Evans, it's like I walked into a library – which by the way, to save my reputation, I've never been to one."

"Sirius... What you did was a terrible thing."

"Lily you don't understand what I saw in there."

"So you  _snooped_?!"

"Okay maybe I'm a dick for that, but it happened for a reason. Listen, Lily–"

"No you listen, Sirius!" She stood up her face turning into a fiery red that Sirius thought matched her hair. "You embarrassed me in front of my best friend! And all I wanted was for you two to get along! I planned it all in my head and you ruined it!"

"Not everything goes the way we plan it." He simply said.

"Well it does to me. Is this your apology?"

"No, no it's not. I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry. Wait, just listen to me! Snape is dangerous! His room... It was full with all the shit  _my_ parents keep in our house! They're really dark objects, Lily! They're all cursed and only a sick person would want to keep them in his room, especially when he's still young. And don't you dare tell me it's for school because we both know it's not."

She sat back down, her lips pursing. Sirius knew this was her thinking face and felt grateful that she's contemplating what he told her.

"Look" She began. "I know Snape is involved with all the wrong sorts of things, but he isn't as half as bad as you imagine. He just became friends with the wrong people, he's curious. But he's not a bad person. You have to trust me, Sirius." Her voice was clear and strong, just like Sirius was used to.

"I'm sorry. I can't empathise with a Slytherin, who is friends with my family  _and_ into dark magic. I just cannot."

"Then I'm sorry, too, Sirius."

With that, Sirius stood up, made his way back to her bookshelf and picked one of the Pride and Prejudice books then left.

* * *

Lily wasn't sure what made her pick Snape over Sirius. Maybe it was because she knew Snape longer. Maybe it was because he was here to stay. Snape was her neighbour, he was her classmate and he was her friend. Sirius... Sirius left her every year, and she liked steadiness. Sirius was a source of fickleness in her life.

Maybe if they weren't friends, it would be easier during the school year. She wouldn't have to miss him and he finally gave her a good reason not to. She made a mental note to buy a new copy of Pride and Prejudice after he left. Later, her and Marlene ate, gossiped and did each other's makeup until they both fell asleep.

Lily spent the next day cleaning the house. She reorganised her room, she did her laundry and she also mowed the lawn. Her parents was very proud of her, except that they didn't know she was doing this to keep her mind from being eaten away by anxiety.

* * *

 Sirius didn't remember the last time he cried. His parents always told him it was useless to cry and maybe, for once, they were right. He therefore loathed himself for crying. It was childish and immature, and everyone, even Sirius, knew that he was ahead of his age. But he couldn't help it. The tears kept coming out and he almost choked on them for trying to keep them silent. He turned his radio up on full volume (his parents avoided going into his room or speaking to him, so they would have to put up with it), and he continued crying. Suddenly, Sirius wasn't crying about just Lily anymore. He was crying for his brother, whom he'd known will have to follow in his parents' footsteps whether Sirius liked it or not. Then he was crying about his parents. He wondered if they'd ever loved him. He got flashbacks of verbal and physical abuse and his body shuddered with all kinds of pain. He acted like he didn't need parents but he did, everyone needed a parent. And because he was lonely, and he barely had any friends, no one could compensate that void.

* * *

 James was busy planning Peter's birthday in the manor's backyard. It was the first day of August and the sweat from the heat made his hair stick to his face, unlike it's usual frizz. He had begged Peter's parents to let him take over planning. He decided the location (his house), the date (Peter's birthday – the 3rd), the time (4:00pm) and the theme (French themed – Peter loved cheese). James' parents told him they would help magically decorate the house. Therefore, the real issue was the invitation list. Peter wasn't the most popular kid in school and James didn't mean to be, well, mean, but if he hadn't been Peter's friend, no one would have known who he was.

He scribbled Lily's name down out of habit, but then it occurred to him that he might as well invite her. He was used to all sorts of rejection from her and one more time wouldn't make the kill him. What didn't kill him made him stronger, he thought.

Later, as James had dinner with his parents, he grabbed the birthday planning paper and wrote down Sirius' name.

* * *

 Remus slept over at James the day before Peter's birthday so they could both get up early and help with decorations. Around the time the rest of the guests were supposed to arrive, whom were only Peter and Sirius Black (Remus knew better than wondering if Lily would show up), the house smelled of strong cheese. It was to an extent stinky and Remus' heightened senses didn't make it any better. Mrs Potter transfigured some of her vases to look like the Eiffel Tower and others the Arc de Triumph. Banners sporting the French flag laced the walls and strings of the flag's colours were thrown around. The ceiling was bewitched to mirror the Champs Elysees' live sky. The kitchen was transformed into what could safely be called a cheesery. Remus could only name just a few of the cheeses because he wasn't used to the other extravagant types, but he was sure Peter would appreciate each and everyone. In the middle of the kitchen table stood another Eiffel tower made from grapes and around it were fake-wine bottles. Mr Potter bought real wine then somehow managed to bewitch the alcohol away while still maintaining taste. Remus was the one who set the table afterwards and placed the plates, cutlery and glasses then put a bread basket next to each guests' set.

Remus was proud with how the manor was transformed and was now getting excited for Peter to arrive. To their luck, Sirius arrived at 4pm sharp, which meant that when Peter reached the manor, a full party will be present. Sirius shook hands with James as they chattered about what Remus thought could only be Quidditch. Next, he was greeted by the Potter Parents whom he explained how impressed he was with the house decoration. They called him a charming lad and kissed all the boys on the cheeks before leaving the house.

Sirius then approached Remus and shook his hand too. Sirius talked to Remus about the weather and asked whether his gift was appropriate for Peter. Only then Remus noticed the gift box Sirius was carrying. He revealed that he got him a cookbook called Everyday Pies for the Everyday Wizard. Remus knew Peter would  _love_ the book. Though he wouldn't always admit it, Peter was a great cook and Remus knew he spent a lot of time experimenting with new recipes. He was amazed Sirius was able to get him a non-generic gift after meeting him once.

"You notice details then?" Remus asked.

"Sorry?" Sirius looked confused.

"That's a great gift for Peter and you only met him once, you know..."

"Oh, yeah. I guess I do. Or maybe I'm just a really lucky guesser." Sirius offered a smile but Remus could sense he wasn't as carefree as the last time he saw him so he didn't carry on with the conversation.

Peter was  _stunned_ at his party. Literary stunned. He just stood there frozen as he surveyed as much as his vision field would allow him. 

"Best birthday EVER!!!" He squealed and ran to the kitchen. 

When James, Sirius and Remus reached the kitchen, Peter was already halfway through what Remus guessed was an American cheddar cheese bar. After the boys ate as much cheese as they could handle (Remus made a mental note not to eat anymore cheese till winter break), drank their faux wine and blew out the candles, they opened the presents. Peter genuinely loved all the gifts he received, including ones from his parents and Mr and Mrs Potter, and was especially grateful for Sirius' gift. He thanked them all over and over then Sirius quieted him by introducing them to the game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. After they set up the game, Sirius insisted that the birthday boy gets blindfolded first and everyone agreed. Peter looked hilarious, especially when he missed the whole donkey and attempted to poke a hole in the Godric Gryffindor figurine. James almost hit him before redirecting him back to the donkey.

Soon, they were all sat in the backyard around a fire James lit up. It was hot but he insisted this is the best way to watch the stars. Remus noticed Sirius grimace.

"So Sirius, did Lily tell you about that donkey game?" James quizzed Sirius.

"Yeah."

"How's she doing?"

Sirius just fell quiet and instead of his unusual unreadable expression, a weak and hurt one took over his face.

"Lily and I, uh, aren't exactly talking at the moment."

"What?! Why, Sirius, no!" Remus understood James' reaction. Sirius was the only way James could check on Lily in the summer.

It took him a few moments, as if deciding if he wanted to open up, which he did. He explained meeting Snape, a schoolmate non of them, especially James, were exactly fond of, finding dark objects in his room, then being kicked out of his house. Remus knew Lily and Snape were close and figured out the rest of the story. Sirius explained that she blamed him for snooping, arguing with her in front of Snape and then not attempting to make up with him for the sake of Lily. He explained that it was a terrible fight an wished "Snape would just disappear and for everything to go back to normal".

James frowned and threw an arm over Sirius' shoulder. "Me too, mate, me too."

Remus' heart hurt for his new friend.

Sirius was the one to change the subject by asking Peter what was his favourite pie. It was ham and cheese pie.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily started regretting finishing her homework so early in the summer. There was over three more weeks to go for school to start again and  nothing do within them. Her summer was almost entirely revolved around making Sirius happy, and when that turned quite the opposite, she had nothing left to do. She sat by her window in her room reading from her new copy of Pride and Prejudice when she saw Snape picking some plants out of his backyard and a thought occurred to her. She opened her window and called out in a voice that wasn't rudely loud, "Severus!" It took him a few moments to register she was calling out for him. He approached her till he reached the fence separating their houses and leaned against it. "

Hey, Lily," He spoke softly, yet deeply.

"Wanna go school shopping at Diagon Alley today?" She rested her chin against her fist, making her cheeks puff out slightly. Lily had been curvy since she was a child and didn't have trouble learning to embrace her body. She wasn't fat, but she had a prominent figure that she never wanted to change.

"Lily!" Severus gasped. "There are still three weeks left!"

"I know, I know!" She pouted. "I'm just so bored, it's better than sitting around here doing nothing, right?"

"Actually, I was preoccupied with something."

"Severus!"

"Fine, meet me at my porch in 15 minutes." He pushed his hair away from his face and walked back inside.

Lily and Severus took the subway to the nearest stop to Diagon Alley. Their first stop after getting their money from Gringotts was Madame Malkin's since they both grew out of their own robes over their last year. Next, they visited Flourish and Blotts for their new books followed by Eeylops Owl Emporium to buy supplies for their owls.

The decided to have dinner at The Leaky Cauldron. Lily walked silently next to Severus. Quietness between them wasn't the awkward kind. It was soothing and reassuring. Being around Snape was a familiar feeling and Lily liked familiarity. They took a seat at a table for two, ordered two butterbeer and two beef stews. Lily leant slightly over the table and started studying Snape's features. He was too pale for his own good. He had dark circles under his eyes, hinting that he might have been working on something too late. She breathed heavily and looked him in the eyes to find him looking back at her. He was her childhood friend. He was the person who helped her come into terms with who she was long before her Hogwarts letters arrived. Her parents knew him, and though they didn't particularly liked him, they were glad Lily had friends of her own kind. He was always there and she knew he always would be.

Suddenly, her heart skipped a beat as if it started seeing Severus differently. She didn't have many friends who were boys. In fact they were only two, and she messed up her relationship with one of them. She wasn't sure if she could ever make one again and she was scared. She knew people end up marrying one of the people they met at Hogwarts. What if Severus was the one for her? She found herself leaning in, her gaze now fixed on his lips before he jumped back.

"Lucius!" He exclaimed.

"What?" Her face turned red and broke a sweat.

Snape stood up and approached someone behind Lily, whom after she looked behind her turned out to be Lucius Malfoy. He was one of the proud pure bloods at their school. He was bully and stuck to the wrong people, like the Blacks, and she knew Snape wanted in on their circle. She watched them talk, Snape much more intrigued by the conversation. She felt a heaviness in her chest. She wished she could make Lucius disappear, not just now, but forever, because Snape deserved better friends and better hobbies. A few minutes after their food arrived, Severus walked back to the table. Lily didn't feel much like resuming her thoughts and actions from before anymore.

* * *

James loved his friends, more than he could ever care to admit. He appreciated them and couldn't imagine school without them. He knew he could always count on his friends to cheer him up when he felt upset. He knew he was relentless and that he would keep trying to win Lily over despite her many rejections. Yet, he couldn't help but feel heartbroken. James was only 15, but he was in _love_. He never said it out loud because no one would take him seriously, but he knew what love was. Love was the way his parents looked at each other when they were having dinner in silence. It was the way couples held hands and walked down Diagon Alley under the sun, smiling without knowing it. It was the way Year Sevens at Hogwarts wouldn't mind getting in trouble in order to see or spend time with their girlfriends or boyfriends. It was the way their dogs would run around together, wagging their tails and barking happily. It was the way he spent hours studying every feature of Lily's features, and having the ability to locate each freckle on her face. It was everywhere, and it was the way he felt about Lily. As he laid down on his back, with the weight of the world on his chest, he thought he couldn't be anymore upset that she didn't and might never feel the same way.

* * *

The fights were getting more worse as the summer passed. However, his parents didn't hit him anymore and he felt Regulus had something to do with it. Sirius' hand was subconsciously on his arm where a cut inflicted by his dad's wand earlier in the summer was still healing. He sat on his bed, flipping absentmindedly through a comic Lily and him had bought before their fight. His heart was beating fast and his mouth was dry. He wondered for a second if he'd rather have them physically hurt him again then calling him "worthless" one more time. Not long after, he started debating if it was actually something that was wrong with him, and not his parents. After all, they were in the heart of a social network, and he had just lost the only person he could really call a friend. They were married, maybe not entirely in love, but could have children and build a family without the whole world shunning them for their relationship. They were pure bloods, and even if he was one, he didn't feel as half as superior to or better than anyone else. Then he shook these thoughts out of his head, even if not entirely, when Lily's voice rang through his head saying "You're so special, Sirius."

Maybe he was, or maybe he wasn't, but he knew he couldn't stay in this house any longer, or live a life of lies for them anymore. He grabbed his magically endless suitcase and shoved every prized possession he owned. His record player and his records, his comics, Pride and Prejudice, his radio, two other pairs of jeans than the one he was wearing, and a several other plain t-shirts. He thought for a second about taking his wizard and school robes but decided against it. He put on his favourite black boots, Lily called them combat boots, and his leather jacket. He tied his hair into a bun. Then, he grabbed his owl and wand in one hand and pulled his suitcase after the other, running to the living room.

"I'm gay." He looked his parents straight in the eyes.

"What?" His mother muttered.

"You heard. And I hate being a Black. And I hate Ilvermorny, and my best friend is a muggleborn. I can't imagine the world without muggles, they're fascinating. And on top of all, I hate you. And I'm leaving." Sirius felt the weight of the world lift off his shoulder. He watched his dad reach for his wand.

"Oh, my son.. What have we given birth to, Walburga?" His dad, Orion, had tears in his eyes. He pointed his wand at Sirius and the tears ran down his face. Sirius hadn't thought of this reaction and didn't know what to do. Orion gripped his wand tighter and shouted. "AVADA–"

"No!" Walburga cried out and grabbed his arm. "That's... That's the easy way out, Orion." Sirius wasn't sure if his mom felt compassion towards him for once or she was actually so cruel to the extent of hinting to her husband to torture her son.

Orion didn't take any more time to think. "Crucio!"

Sirius didn't know what he saw first, Orion's wand flashing red or Regulus jumping in front of him, neither could he remember the order these events happened. Regulus let out a blood curling scream and fell to the ground and Sirius knelt down beside him right away.

"REGULUS!" He shouted and hugged him tightly, tearing up. "Oh my god, Regulus, please tell me you're okay..." He pulled back enough to look at his brother. His face was red and sweaty and his eyes seemed empty. He mumbled something which sounded like it could be "Sirius".

"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, Reg. I won't let you get hurt ever again, especially because of me. I promise." He hugged him again and he felt his heart pang with guilt.

"Don't leave." Regulus pleaded quietly. Sirius could hear Walburga scream her head off at Orion. He wished she would do this for more reasons than when he used an unforgivable curse at their younger son.

Unforgivable. What Orion did was unforgivable, especially that Regulus ended up being hurt, though Sirius thought he deserved every part of it instead.

"I'm sorry, Reg. I have to. I promise I'll see you again." It was Sirius' turn to swell up with tears.

"Then go. Now." Sirius wasn't sure if his brother's tone was full of resentment or protectiveness. He hoped it was the latter.

He hugged him once more tightly but Regulus groaned in pain so Sirius let go. He looked his brother in the eye one more time before taking his belongings back in hand and leaving Grimmauld Place forever.


	9. Chapter 9

James invited Remus over for dinner and a game of chess, Remus' favourite. Though Remus was clearly the best one at chest out of his friends, and probably all of Gryffindor, James still liked to compete with him for what Remus guessed to be learning from his moves. It was a long way from the subway to James' house but Remus didn't mind the walk. Walking to the Potter Manor meant getting lost in the nature and while that might be scary to Remus in other parts of town, he felt safe around this area. It wasn't the scary kind of nature, it was magical and serene. It was always green and the leaves never fell the trees. Remus knew these trees made great wands. He saw a bowtruckle jump around its tree defensively as Remus passed it and he couldn't help but smile. Nothing, or no one, scary or haunting ever lurked this place, and he felt safe unlike most of the time.

He was almost at James' house when Remus saw a figure pacing nearby. He suddenly felt as if he was about to lose hope in all of the world, that nowhere was safe. That was until he realised he knew this figure and had seen it a handful of times before. Remus approached it.

"S... Sirus?" Remus said hesitantly.

Sirius jumped and looked at Remus, who was now reassured. Remus could see black patches underneath Sirius' eyes. His hair was messy and his clothes were tattered. His usual leather jacket was thrown to the side next to his suitcase and owl. His usual posture was compromised, giving away that Sirius had been standing for far too long. Remus just knew this boy was  _exhausted_. No one knew exhaustion better than him.

"Hey." Sirius finally breathed out. His serene and collected voice was now croaky, meaning he hasn't used it for a while or that he just woke up up and Remus knew it was the former.

"What're you doing here?" Remus wanted to help somehow. He looked around, glancing a fleshy cut on Sirius' arm and thought it was better not to ask. He picked up Sirius' jacket and brushed the dirt and grass off.

"Uhm... I don't even know." Sirius looked like he was confessing to a crime.

"It's okay." Remus didn't know why he felt like saying it, but he did. "Whatever's wrong, we can help you." He nodded and somehow Sirius looked grateful.

"Were you here to see James?" Remus asked again, taking the suitcase. He almost reached for the owl cage when Sirius reached for it and shook his head. 

"I can carry Kieran. Yeah, I guess I was here to say James." 

"Well, you can join me then." Remus smiled at Sirius and they walked in silence to the Manor.

Remus was about to knock when Sirius spat out, "I ran away." Remus didn't know how to respond

"I have nowhere to stay, and I don't know what I'm going to tell him. I don't even know what to expect, he doesn't really know me but I haven't eaten or slept in two days and I don't have money, I just found myself here." Sirius sat down on the steps and hugged his legs. Remus expected him to start crying but he didn't. Remus wished he would because he would rather deal with the crying than hear him repress it with speaking in this broken tone. He took a seat next to the dark-haired boy and placed a hand on his knee, looking him in his grey eyes.

"James and his parents are kind. They will let you stay with them. I don't know what's going on in your life and I don't want to intrude but I know that it will pass. We can be your friends, you know?"

"Asking that of a friend I just made is too much, though."

"It is. But maybe its time you realised that people aren't as selfish as you think they are."

"My parents were bad people. They never accepted me for anything I was. They took away everything that made me happy. You know, as an 11 year old there wasn't much I could do to rebel against them so being Sorted into Gryffindor was the biggest success of my life, and the next morning I found out that I wasn't allowed to finish schooling at Hogwarts anymore. I took piano lessons growing up and in the summers I came back. Last year they found out I was really good friends with my instructor's teacher, he was a half-blood, so they stopped it all together and banned me from seeing him because it's a distraction, and a disgrace."

Remus' heart leapt, and he felt in his throat. His dad was almost never around, being a busy ministry employee and all. He never really knew him, so he doesn't have enough information to solidify any feelings of love or hatred towards him. His mother loved him and took care of him when she could. But she was old, weak, and a muggle. Being a muggle, she couldn't help Remus with his homework or his transformation. She didn't understand his life well enough and she never would. It was a messy situation but he knew his parents didn't hate him and did their best to offer him everything they could. Sirius' parents, they just sounded cruel. He finally figured where the cut must've come from.

"I'm really sorry," was all he could say.

"Don't be. You didn't cause this, and I don't like pity." Sirius frowned and cleaned some mud off of his boots.

"Okay. Well, you just left your old life behind. Maybe it's time you start a new one." 

"Maybe."

* * *

 

James heard his parents' muffled talk as he stuck his ear to their bedroom door. He  _begged_ them to let Sirius stay with them. He could only imagine how cool it would be to have a brother. He didn't know Sirius that well, or that long, but he could always get to know him better. Sirius had vaguely explained to him why he ran away, but James knew he went into greater details with his parents. He left Remus and Sirius in his room and told them he was using the bathroom, only he wanted to spy on his parents to see where they reached on making this seemingly tough but actually easy decision. He stayed for a few more minutes till he realised they're still taking their time. He walked back to his room to find Sirius asleep. Remus held up a finger to his mouth indicating for James to be silent.

They resorted to playing chess on the floor quietly, which was agonising for James. He loved making sound effects and telling Remus that he would crush him. However, he thought he was getting better because the game went on for a lot longer than usual. Fifteen minutes after James lost the match, his parents walked into the room and saw Sirius asleep and now covered up with James' blanket. It was Remus' suggestion. They exchanged looks and motioned for the two other boys to leave the room.

"Boys, you can sleep in the guest room today. Give him some space." James' dad advised them.

"But, what did you guys decide on? Can he stay?" James asked excitedly.

"It's time for dinner James, come on you and Remus must be starving." His mom chimed into the conversation.

"Why won't you guys answer me?!"

His dad sighed and exchanged  _another_ look with his mom. He wished they would stop doing that.

"Look, James. Sirius could be a great kid, but we can't just let someone we barely know move in with us. We will rent him a room at the Leaky for as long as he wants until we decide what to do. We might even try to talk to Dumbledore to get him back into Hogwarts, but for now, this is the best we can offer." His dad said in a tone that was too serious for James' liking.

"What?! He just run away from the most terrible parents and you're going to make him live alone?!" James couldn't understand their logic.

"You don't just let strangers live with you James! Now it's time for dinner." His mom stressed each syllable by the second sentence which James took as a warning and knew better not to push it.

They had dinner, played some more games, talked a lot about Sirius and then fell asleep. James and Remus woke up by around 9am and Sirius finally woke up much after by 1pm. He didn't say much. He apologised for over sleeping, took a shower and finally changed his smelly clothes. Everyone in the house watched him eat brunch in amusement. He look like he hadn't seen food in days, which James now realised was true. His parents decided to give the boys some space and asked Sirius to meet them whenever he's done eating.

"So," James took a seat opposite of Sirius and Remus sat next to him. "The obvious question that no one asked but I think needs some answer is... Why haven't you gone to Lily? Don't get me wrong, mate, I wish you would stay here but I thought you too were really close." Remus shot James a look which made him thankful that they couldn't kill.

"None taken. Take it easy on him Remus!" Sirius sounded much lighter than he did yesterday, which made James thankful. "I went to Lily the first place after I left the house. I rang the doorbell, I waited for around thirty minutes and when no one came, I left. I came back the next day, still no one opened the door for me so I thought I'd better just leave. Snape, the slimey arse, was all smiles when he saw me like that. I asked him where she went he just shook his head and went back inside.

"That idiot... I'll kick that arse for you once I'm back in school, mate, I promise you that." James nodded and Sirius laughed, thanking him in advance.

* * *

 

Sirius laid down on on his bed in The Leaky Cauldron's Inn. The room was dark and didn't have many candles alight. It was small, making Sirius feel claustrophobic. It had a stinky smell and the owl cage in the corner of his rome only brought the smell out more. He sighed and closed his eyes, throwing an arm over them. Then he realised it was better than any day he spent living in fear under his parents' roof and didn't feel that terrible afterwards.

He had slept for many hours in the Potter Manor but still felt incredibly tired from the three days he spent roaming the streets. He was almost going to fall asleep when he thought of Lily. He stat up and looked in the drawer of the nightstand next to his bed. He found a piece of parchment, a quill and some ink, and he started writing.

_"Dear Lily,_

_I miss you. I don't know what else to say, but you were the best most positive thing in my life and I wish for things to go back the way they were. I understand that you didn't want me in your house, but I wish you had let me in. They were some dire conditions. But fear not, I am okay now. I turned to James for help and surprisingly he was very assistive. His parents were lovely people. Maybe you should give him a chance, Lily._

_Sincerely,_

_Sirius not so Black"_

He sent Kieran to find Lily and fell once again into a deep slumber. He found himself in the pub the next afternoon after he woke to have some food and quench his thirst. He felt himself blush slightly at the kindness of the Potters. He had never asked for help and the first time he did, he was returned with something he could never repay. He breathed in deeply, hoping for some of his usually easy confidence to come back, just enough to ask for some lunch.

He was halfway through his sandwich when he saw a young woman with wild, unruly, curly black hair pass the window of the pub. He glimpsed a look at her unmissable grey eyes, ones that are too similar to his own, and knew he had to leave. Sirius didn't stand a chance against his cousin Bellatrix's magic when he couldn't do magic outside of school. He also didn't want her to know where he was. He was too scared his parents might find him and actually torture him to death this time. Regulus would not be there to save him every time. Sirius ran back to the inn and locked himself in his room, sliding down against the wall shakily. He realised that loneliness and fear were the two worst feelings combined.


	10. Chapter 10

It was Lily's chore to light the fire at the camp sight. She would have rather been setting up the tent, like her dad, or gathering fruit, like her mom, but she didn't mind it since she suggested the trip in the first place. She thought the change would bring her closer to her parents once more, so she didn't put up a fight when they ask her to take over the fire. The idea came up to her when she saw Severus' father, Tobias, walk into the house with a few logs of wood carried over his shoulder. He was scowling as usual, and Lily's heart ached for Severus, knowing what might he face later. 

Lily watched the fire spark to life and grow. The flames danced, lighting the space around them. They flickered light onto Lily's face, and she could see her nose turn orange. She started getting lost in her thoughts only to be sprang back to reality when Kieran, Sirius' owl, flew her direction. She knew it was his because she'd only ever seen a black owl in his possession. They were unknown to the muggle world and extremely rare in the wizarding world. She pet the owl and as the lover of nature she was, picked up a worm and fed him. She continued to pet him, hoping for him to stay longer. She wanted to latch onto any piece of Sirius she could.

"Lily?" 

She looked up from the fat log she was using as a seat to find her parents scowling down at her.

"I thought he agreed that you won't... You know... You won't..." Her dad started off in a strong voice which quickly faltered.

"Use magic." Her mom finished.

"No, I wasn't!" Lily exclaimed. "Mom, my friend sent me this letter, and the owl just found me."

Both her parents looked confused. They knew that owls brought mail, but they weren't clear on how it actually worked. Truthfully, Lily didn't know either. She just knew that owls were incredibly smart and those that resided with the wizarding population seemed to have an extremely keen sense of direction and location. Kieran pecked the back of Lily's hand gently and flew away. Her mom's chest deflated and her face fell. 

"We just... We just don't get all of this, Lily. Any of it. We want to be a part of your life but it's all too much and you never help us." She quietly explained.

Lily didn't know how to respond. She was upset with herself for never seeing the situation from her parents' eyes. Their daughter had just been sent off to a wold where they knew nothing about, nor did she explain it to them. She was sucked into fulfilling the duties of being a successful witch, forgetting the importance of her family's impact in her life, despite them not being wizards themselves. She didn't carry all the blame on her shoulder, but she felt angry that she wasted all this time distancing herself from them, when they could have helped her in ways school and textbooks couldn't.

"You guys never seem to want to know anything. You make me feel... Different. Like a freak. When I'm not. Mom, dad, I can do amazing things. I wish you could see it." Lily sighed as she watched her parents take a seat next to her.

"We tried so hard in your first year, Lily." Lily felt a lump form in the back of her throat as her mother took her hand. "We asked you so many questions but you got frustrated when we couldn't keep up and you shut us out. So we decided from the next year onwards to keep school and hope separate. What you do, who you are, should just be checked at the door and you could just be our daughter at home. But even then you were upset, and got angry thinking that we never attempted to make an effort to support who you are."

Then the tears came, and Lily didn't know how to stop them, nor did she really want to stop crying. She liked crying. Once you cry, all the negativity flows out from you and the heaviness in your chest is lifted.

"I'm sorry. I love you, I just want you to be my parents without complications. I know it's hard, even for me. But I want you to be there for me." She spoke in what could be close to a whisper.

"We love you too, baby. We will always be your parents. You just have to help us understand... And we're so proud of you, we will be no matter who or what you are." Her mother smiled and her father nodded in agreement. 

They spent the night speaking and filling each other in on everything the other missed. Lily did her best to explain the basics of magic, the job opportunities, how a wizard lives his or her life, and a few more aspects to do with her new life. Her parents sounded accepting and understood much better than they did before, but she knew they were mostly doing this to avoid things going back to being awful. Her mother gave her advice about love – that her love will break a million times, but she'll find the one and all it will take is to look in his eye. Her dad gave her advice on how to manage her time – make a schedule and never overload nor overwork herself. They seemed like they were trying to catch up on years of parenting missed out on. Lily understood it will take more than a night to get this back, but she was happy with the way it started.

After they ate and ran out of stories and advice, they retreated to their tent. Lily was the one who put out the fire, which was now almost reduced to ashes, including Sirius' forgotten letter.

* * *

 

Remus sat in The Leaky Cauldron, clutching a cup of hot chocolate, despite the sweltering heat. His body temperature was always higher than an average human, so he didn't mind the extra degrees. James sat opposite of him, with several pieces of parchment spread out in front of him. He was writing frivolously what Remus figured to be a mixture of James' homework, and his Master Plan to let his parents allow Sirius to live with him. Remus was an only child just like James, yet he didn't understand the urgent need James had for getting himself a faux-brother. Peter sat next to James reading a joke book from Gambol and Japes.

He sipped on his hot chocolate, organising in his mind certain topics he could discuss with Sirius when he joins them later. Remus suffered from a deep case of anxiety that never leaves, and any form of planning eased him. So far, he thought of  _sleep_ ,  _Leaky's food_ ,  _school_ and  _Sirius' choice of clothes_. Sure the last topic was weird, but Remus was intrigued.

An hour later, Sirius emerged from The Leaky Cauldron's Inn, approaching them with his usual laid back look and walk. Though he looked significantly better than when Remus last saw him, the tiredness from Sirius' eyes didn't seem to really leave. Sirius reached the table when a James very immersed in his work bluntly shouts.

"Rem, isn't the new moon a few days away? You seem so much better than usual, mate."

Remus felt the life and colour drain out of him as Sirius gave him a look that stood somewhere between confusion and questioning. For a split second, he felt like spending the next full moon in James' room just so he can enjoy a sweet payback, then he realised it would be a lot more than just a few scratches he would implement on his best friend. He watched James sit up from his poor posture to meet Sirius' eyes. James' skin was so tan that Remus didn't know blushing would ever show on him, but this time it did.

"Remus really likes watching the stars during the full moon. Says they look best that way." James tried to brush it off smoothly, which Remus would have praised him for hadn't he been the one who put them in this mess.

"Mhmmm." Peter chimed into the conversation, putting the book down. "He knows the cons... Constells?"

"Constellations?" Sirius raised his eyebrows as he took his seat.

"Yes!"

"Canis Major." Remus simply said.

Sirius looked at him but didn't speak.

"Sirius. The brightest sun in the sky. Belongs to constellation Canis Major, the greater dog." Remus looked back at Sirius in his eyes that manage to stay sparkling and determined even in his hardest of times.

"Impressive." Sirius smirked and took in a deep breath. "How're you guys?"

"Good!" Peter said then went back to his joke book.

"Screwed. I had no idea how much homework we had!"

"You sure did! I've been nagging you about it since the first day of summer, James." Remus rolled his eyes.

"Proof or it didn't happen."

Remus learned better than to try to tell James he's wrong about anything so he retreated to drinking from his hot chocolate mug yet again. 

"What about you, Remus?" Sirius asked and Remus couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with the boy seated next to him once more. Sirius' voice was deep and demanding, which Remus really noticed as he said his name.

"What about me?"

"How are you?"

"Good." Remus didn't like the question so he answered with what everyone wanted to hear.

"That's a lie."

Remus didn't know what to say so he shrugged his shoulders lightly and covered his face back with his mug that was already empty.

* * *

 

Both James and Peter's attention was pre-consumed by the time he got to their table, so Sirius took it as an opportunity to get to know Remus, whom he knows least about. He wanted to ask how he got those scars badly, but he couldn't think of decent way to. Sirius had already planned that he would not be returning to Ilvermorny this September, which he knew might cost him his magic, but he couldn't think of a truly convincing reason to go back. Therefore, if he figured if he were to stay in London for the time being, he wanted these boys to be his friends. Everyone brought a different charm and quality to the group, and he genuinely believed that they were the only people he would want to call a friend beside Lily.

He was then reminded of how Lily didn't reply to him, which he wish to say he understood, but it just broke his heart even further.

"How's your family like, Remus?" Sirius didn't remember thinking of this question before asking it. Remus looked startled but carried the conversation on.

"My mother's a muggle." Remus spoke hesitantly, which Sirius understood. The Blacks had a murky history with half-bloods and muggleborns. "My father's a wizard. He works in the Ministry, department of Non-Human Spirituous Apparations, so he's always away. I don't get to see him much, don't know him that much either."

"What about your mother? What's she like?"

"Amazing." Lupin answered almost instantly. "She's... Put up with so much. She's the most accepting person I've ever known. She gets sick a lot, though." Remus explained and Sirius could feel the worry in his voice. He wished he could love his mother so much, but he didn't and never would.

"She seems lovey. Maybe I could meet her one day."

"Of course." Remus said, but Sirius felt like it was an empty promise.

Because the universe laughs in one's face in a series of ironies, Sirius watched Bellatrix walk into the Leaky, a wide manic smile on her face. There was no escaping this time. She twirled a lock of her hair on her finger as she neared him.

"I knew I saw you here." Bellatrix spoke in her nasally, high-pitched voice which Sirius despised from his youth.

"Bellatrix." Was all Sirius managed to say. He watched his friends' attention shift to her.

"Wait till my precious aunt and uncle hear about this. They've been looking for you everywhere, you know?" 

Sirius felt his head getting lighter and his stomach getting more nauseous by the second.

"I didn't know they cared that much."

"Oh the things I've heard them say they'll do to you." Bellatrix laughed her psychopathic laugh, the one that made the hair on Sirius' arm prickle. "Gay? Really?!" She laughed even more then her face turned stone cold. "Just when I thought you couldn't get worse you, blood traitor. They burned your name off, you know? You are the worst disgrace to our family's name,  _Sirius_. Even saying your name makes me want to," she didn't feel the need to finish as she took her wand out. Sirius sunk in his seat as Remus, James and Peter stood up defensively.

"These your boyfriends? They're going to defend you?" She asked in a mocking tone.

"We sure will, you stone cold bitch." James raised his eyebrow, and she her wand. This is when Sirius stood up too.

Before Bellatrix could charge, Tom, the bar owner walked up to the scene and broke it off. He threated Bellatrix to never allow her back here and report her for using harmful magic at underage wizards. Unlike any other time Sirius has ever seen her, she just walked away without putting up a fight. He wished she did, because he knew that this wasn't going to be the last he'll see of her.

 


	11. Chapter 11

"Well. You've just met Bellatrix, my family's favourite child. You probably don't even want to talk to me ever again, James you can tell your parents they can stop paying for the Inn." Sirius was surprised by his own response, but then remembered all the moments he had to stay calm and collected even when his father used his whip on him in order to avoid more.

"What're you going about, you idiot?" James frowned deeply.

"I'm dangerous, my family will hurt me and everyone I care about and now you know I'm..."

"Know you're what, Sirius?" Remus spoke this time. "None of what she said matters, you're still our friend. If we were going to leave you before, we sure won't now."

Peter nodded with aggressive agreement.

Sirius' bones ached because this was a kind of caring he'd never known before. He wanted them to know how grateful he was but after years of abuse, neglect and exile, he just didn't know how to.

"I need some rest," was what he decided on. He didn't wait for any response and quickly rushed back to his lonely, dark room only accompanied by his lonely, dark mind.

* * *

"MUM SHE WILL KILL HIM! She almost hurt me. He can't stay there, he's not safe, dad say something!" James pleaded his parents.

His mother sighed exhaustedly and looked at his father.

"Euphemia, it's the right thing to do." James' father finally said.

"Fine. He can stay with us."

James laughed then hugged his dad and kissed his mum's cheek.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He exclaimed. "Can we go get him now?!"

The look on Sirius' face was so heartwarming that James wish he could've captured it. They packed him up quickly and left the inn. James helped Sirius unpack in the guest room, telling him to make himself at home because it's his new home from now on. James briefed Sirius about the rough daily routine around the house and told him about his parents and mainly how to butter them up. Sirius was cooperative and asked to take a shower before dinner. He went downstairs for dinner just on time with his hair tied back, wearing appropriate home clothes and James noticed his mother looking very pleased.

Later that night, James was awoken by the sound of crying from down the hallway. After a few moments of confusion, James hurried down to Sirius' room. He knocked and walked in when no one answered. There laid Sirius asleep in his bed. He might've been asleep, but James thought it was everything but. Sleep was supposed to be a peaceful rest, a break from the worries of the world. Sirius was crying and tossing and turning whole he was asleep which James thought was a very disturbing thing. He knew it would embarrass Sirius if he woke him up so instead he walked back to his room, grabbed his pillow and cover then went back to Sirius' room and fell asleep at the floor.

Sirius didn't point it out the next morning, or he morning after. In fact,  
for the next week, they fell into a pattern where they would switch which room they would sleep in that night. James found out that Sirius was even more fun and interesting than he'd ever known. Sirius was cultured and composed. He had impeccable manners one minute in front of James' parents then took to swearing and being a slob when they were gone. He told James things about Lily he'd never known, he was most surprised to find out she had a sister. He made James listen to muggle music, which he liked and bought a few more records of his own liking. James particularly enjoyed what Sirius called "popular music", while Sirius enjoyed what he called "punk rock". Sirius took James to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show, whom he seemed to know every word to. James immensely enjoyed the movie, however, he thought Sirius loved it a lot more.

When they came back home, James was shocked to see Albus Dumbledore seated in his living room sipping on a cup of his mum's tea. His parents smiled at him and Sirius when they walked in, but what really confused him was the beam that formed across Dumbledore's face. He looked at Sirius who looked just as confused so he felt slightly better about himself.

"James, Sirius, welcome home." Dumbledore spoke in his soft, captivating voice.

"Professor Dumbledore?..." Sirius asked since James felt as if he'd lost the ability to speak forever. What if he was here to expose James for every prank he'd done? In his defence, he did not expect Marlene McKinnon to have a panic attack when he dressed up as a clown for Halloween, clearly knowing that it was her boggart.

"Sirius Black. So we finally meet again. You know, Sirius, I always had a feeling we will." The old man said. "Have a seat. The both of you. I've seen you two have grown quite fond of each other. How pleasant, for I know you two will get along greatly."

"Uhm, how do you know that, sir?" Sirius asked.

"I've been keeping an eye on you, Sirius. Your headmistress, Mrs. Faye, and I are good friends so she would sure tell me shat my former student has been up to! I'm not sure if Hogwarts is ready for both of your forces of mischief combined, but I'm ready to give it a try. Mr and Mrs. Potter reached out to me Sirius, and explained your situation. I want to tell you that I would be more than pleased to have a student like you in Hogwarts. It was your original home."

James wasn't sure why Dumbledore chose the word home to describe Hogwarts to Sirius when he only spent two days at the place, but chose not to comment. The prospect of Sirius living with him and going to school with him was too exciting to mess up.

"What do you mean a student like me?" Sirius asked cautiously.

"You are special, Sirius. You may not see it, but many people usually don't. What you did took a lot of bravery only a true Gryffindor possesses. You may not know this either, but Mrs. Faye finds you extremely smart and your grades backs this statement. We would enjoy your charm and talent of a young wizard like you at Hogwarts." Dumbledore explained.

"I... I would love to be at Hogwarts." Sirius said.

"Then it's settled! I'm sure the education differs between Hogwarts and Ilvermorny so I shall ask Professor McGonagall to drop by and test where you are exceeding and lacking. You will be staying I'm the dormitory with James, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew. The fourth spot was vacant all these years. Perhaps they were keeping it empty for someone, they just didn't know who yet." Dumbledore's smile drew itself back on his face. He big everyone a farewell and left the manor.

Everyone in the Potter manor celebrated that night. James' dad allowed them a drink of champagne each and his mum made them her famous strawberry cake. They slept in James' room that night. James couldn't fall asleep since a lot was on his mind. He was going back to school in a week, he was going to be joined by someone new unlike his usual pack of two, and he was finally going to see Lily again. It was particularly late an Sirius' nightmares haven't visited him yet so James knew he was awake.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

James paused for a second then asked, "what did your parents do to you?"

Sirius took an uncomfortably long time to answer him, but he eventually did.

"Our whole family is the worst kind of purebloods you'll meet. I mean, you and your parents are pureblood but you're decent, you're... Human. My family's motto is Toujours Pur. Which is ridiculous because a) what kind of family has a motto and b) what difference does it make? Lily is a great witch and her parents are both muggles, none of this blood crap has to do with anything. When I was five, my father slapped me for the first time when I told Kreacher, our git of a house elf, that he didn't have to clean my room. When I was seven, my parents took me to this place. It was a big room, it was sort of a dungeon. They had a muggle, a muggleborn and a half blood handcuffed to the wall. They would practice all sort of hexes, jinxes and unforgivable curses on them. That was their way of teaching me their ways and I just thought it was so wrong. I screamed at my dad telling him to stop and that was the first time he used a whip on me. He enchanted it's tip so it's always burning. He always knew when to stop; just at the moment when I was exasperated with pain, but nothing past any lash that would cause chronic damage to me. You know, the heir of the Noble and Ancient House of Black had to be impeccably clean and untouched.

"You know, the hitting wasn't even the worst part. No five year old should hear that they're worthless, and no ten year old should hear that they'll never be loved. I had to address my parents sir and ma'am. I had to walk on eggshells around them, saying and doing the right thing to avoid the consequences of fucking up. My father never hugged me or gave me a piece of useful advice, and my mother never kissed my cheeks or comforted me when was humiliated everyday. Going to Ilvermorny was great because that meant I was so far away from them, but I was also in a foreign country where I knew no one. It was so hard to make friends, and Lily was my safe haven but I barely got to see her. Slowly, they sort of gave up on me. This summer was the worst because they tried to get back to hitting me then stopped all at once. They just acted like I don't exist." Sirius sighed and James felt the tears in his eyes. He couldn't fathom the amount of strength it took for Sirius to speak about his life like this without faltering once. He didn't understand how he could carry on with his life, making jokes and acting so carefree.

"I'll make up for all that time." James turned around and looked at Sirius. He didn't see the point in apologising about the past, he wanted to ensure it's the future that can be saved. "Me and Remus and Peter, we'll make sure no one ever hurts you like this again."

"It's "Me, Remus and Peter", the first and is redundant."

"Wow, they really messed you up."

"You have no idea."

"Goodnight, Sirius."

"Goodnight, James."

* * *

Remus walked the length of Platform 9 and 3/4 two times before locating his friends. James had owled him a few days ago saying Sirius will be transferred to Hogwarts, but he couldn't see him with them. He asked about him the first thing after greeting James and Peter.

"McGonagall assigned him so much homework that he had to stay back and do it. He knew a lot for a fifth year but was shit in Divination and History of Magic. She also gave him a hundred page "booklet" about Hogwarts and all the people in his year grade so he would fit in when he came. The poor lad." James filled him in as they boarded the train. "Mum and dad will apparate him later in the week."

The ride to Hogwarts was uneventful. They sat in their normal slot undisturbed so no one got to notice Remus' scars. Remus watched James made a fool out Lily for what seems to be the one millionth time, however James retreated when he noticed Lily being meaner than usual. He acted as if he was unbothered, even said that she really wanted him more than ever, but Remus knew that he was hurt from the look in his eyes and the shake in his tone. Peter, oblivious as ever, agreed with James.

The first day of school, however, was horrendous. Remus could count on one hand the people who didn't ask him about the scars on his face. They were three: James, Peter and Lily. Even Professor Binns dared ask though all of the professors were well aware of Remus' condition. James did his best to fight some people away, but some were more insistent than others. For example, Fabian Prewett seemed as if his life depended on knowing how Remus' scars were earned, as if they were a token from some great big fight he'd came out a winner from. The truth was quite the opposite, Remus wanted to tell him. He was in a war he would never win.

Four days passed and the murmurs about Remus' face were starting to die down. He would discuss with his friends the conspiracy theories they would each overhear. His favourite was that he had to fight off a Basilisk, and won. He was amazed at the human mind's capability of such great imagination. They laughed it off and they each retreated to their beds. 

"Guys, I need to tell you something." James sounded more serious than Remus has ever heard him.

"James, please spare us the details of your love life, we already know everything." Peter groaned and Remus shushed him.

"No, it's not about Lily. It's about Sirius. He didn't exactly have a normal childhood, or life for that matter. Think of the worst parents you can imagine, then multiply that by a thousand. I don't know if he wants me to tell you everything but you guys should at least know. Try to make him feel better, and loved, okay?"

"Okay." Peter and Remus said in unison.

By their fifth night, James had already started planning his new prank. He decided to break into the kitchen and add ground sardines into all the food. He said they would have to avoid the house elves by wearing his invisibility cloak. Due to Peter's chubby nature and two left feet, James assigned him a look out. James and Remus would hide under the cloak. Remus would be responsible for navigation and James would add the sardines into the food.

"I think we can kick this prank up a few notches, actually," said a voice from behind them. A voice that caused Remus to always be inexplicably flustered. The boys turned around to see one grinning Sirius Black dressed in Gryffindor robes leaning against their door's frame.


	12. Chapter 12

The plan was in motion the next morning. They stayed up all night planning since it was the start of the weekend and they didn't have class. Remus kept advising against it but when everyone asked him to shut up in a way that wasn't particularly nice, he asked them to at least wait till the first week was actually over to no use. Sirius was inspired by Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans while enhancing the plan. They weren't just adding ground sardines anymore. A few of the many flavours they came up with included hot peppers, pancake syrup and mouldy cheese. Peter was still their lookout. James and Sirius would be responsible for adding the ingredients to the food, but Remus would actually be in the Great Hall during breakfast. It was Sirius' idea. He explained to them that if they are all missing, everyone will know it's them. He instructed Remus to tell as many people as he can that James and Peter had overslept, since no one knew Sirius was back yet except the staff. 

Sirius thought him and James made a great team. They were light on their feet and agreed to specifically mess with the trays going to Slytherin the most. They ran outside of the kitchen as soon as their mission was done and took Peter by the hand, arriving just in time to watch the food appear out of nowhere. They took a seat next to Remus and watched the reactions break in. Sirius particularly enjoyed the grimace on Snape and noticed James was enjoying the same pleasure. 

"Eat." Sirius whispered.

"What? No!" Peter exclaimed.

"McGonagall is watching us, all of you,  _eat_!" He stressed.

They all hesitantly went for the toast, which was the safest option. James and Sirius decided Gryffindor's toast should only have pancake syrup. Peter enjoyed the toast while Remus, Sirius and James couldn't handle so much sugar at once. To Sirius' relief, however, McGonagall turned her head away. He caused chaos on his first day in Hogwarts. There were murmurs, shrieks and shouting all over the hall and Sirius  _loved_ it. He could even see a flicker of a smile on Remus' face. Sirius felt that the boy secretly enjoyed pranks, after all the pancake syrup was his idea.

"Who is responsible for this particularly annoying joke?" McGonagall roamed the hall. No one responded. "Well then!" She continued. "No breakfast today, everyone back to your dorms."

"She says that as if it's so bad." Sirius stood up with a smirk on his face but noticed he was one of the few people who actually did. The entire hall burst in protest but died down when a voice from the Slytherin table called out "Sirius Black!". All eyes now shifted onto Sirius who never felt more alien than that moment. He didn't want attention, he didn't want things to feel awkward, he just wanted to blend in. Suddenly, murmurs broke out all over the hall once more but this time Sirius could hear his name in everyone's voice and felt his anxiety creep up on him again so he slowly sat down in the protection of his friends once more. He thought James might be talking to him, perhaps something about the dorms. But all Sirius could hear was his name.  _Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius..._

His chest tightened and breathing seemed like the world's biggest chore. His palms, or maybe his whole body, started sweating and shaking. The looks of judgement from everyone kept flashing to his mind clearly even though his eyes were glued shut. Suddenly it wasn't unfamiliar faces in Hogwarts. It was faces that were too familiar, calling him out for everything he did wrong. Scolding him in the most gruesome ways for just as much as pronouncing a word wrong.  _Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius..._

* * *

"Sirius!" 

Sirius blinked his eyes opened with confusion. Lily's heart was beating fast from the surprise that Sirius is in Hogwarts and the fact that he managed to land himself in the hospital wing on his first day. He seemed as if didn't know what to say so he just hugged her and she hugged back tightly.

When he gathered back his ability to speak, he asked "what happened?"

"You got an anxiety attack. It's totally normal though I mean you just came into Hogwarts unannounced and what the hell happened how do I not know you were coming here?!" Lily was a mixture of ecstatic and frightened. She was ecstatic because her best friend was right there, that they will get to spend time together more than they ever dreamt they would. However, she was frightened because she knew the terrible anxiety Sirius suffered from, and how it wouldn't retaliate at least during the first few months in the school. She was even more frightened because she now had to face him instead of running away. How unGryffindor-like, she thought.

"I wrote you Lily." Sirius pulled back with a newly earned frown on his face and Lily's heart sank.

"Your letter... Oh my god, Sirius, I am so sorry I completely forgot." Lily felt her cheeks turn red. "What happened? How come you're here?"

"I had to run away. I'm staying with James, both inside and outside of Hogwarts. Where is he?"

"Right here, mate." James said from Sirius' other side sat next to Remus and Peter. Lily was disappointed to see Sirius' face lightened up at the sight of James of all people. 

"Sirius," she said to catch his attention once more. "I'm sorry, I'm so happy we get to be together from now on. I'm so proud of you, you got away from them, just like you always said you would." Lily smiled, secretly showing off the information about Sirius non of his new friends would know.

"You'e acting as if nothing happened. Lily, what if I had never met James that day, where would I have been now? Actually, don't answer that. Dead. I would have been dead."

"I know there's nothing I could say or do to show how sorry I am. It was a hard time for me too, Sirius, and I just want us to go back to the way we were, okay? I'll be there to help and guide you all the time, just like we used to. And you'll make me feel safe and happy.  _Okay_?" Lily hated looking and sounding weak especially in front of biggest foe, James.

"I just need some time." He said sullenly.

"I understand." She kissed his cheek and walked out of the hospital wing feeling a new level of guilt that drilled through her bones. Lily pushed Sirius away because watching him leave was always too painful. Now he was there right under her nose and she wondered if she had made the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

Sirius had to spend the rest of the day in the hospital wing under madam Pomfrey's commands – so James, Remus and Peter decided to spend it with him. James didn't think Sirius should spend his first day in the hospital wing, especially not alone. He did his best to keep Sirius from feeling embarrassed or like a liability. Him and Remus exchanged turns in telling him about their professors. James mostly spoke about why they were pains in the asses while Remus spoke about their strong suits. James could not  _believe_ there was anything good to be said about Professor Binns, but Remus proved him wrong.

"So how come you guys had an empty bed in your dorm?" Sirius asked as he flipped through his Transfiguration: Year 5 book. 

"Well that story is an interesting one. You see, in our first year you were supposed to fill that fourth bed. You never got to though, because you sort of disappeared after being Sorted. So we spent that year without a fourth dorm member. In our second year, we pranked the poor lad, Frank Longbottom's the name, out of the dorm. McGonagall noticed he would fall asleep in all his classes, and figured it was our fault. He would stay up all night scared we'd put his finger in warm water or something." James paused to laugh at the memory. "In our third year, some other boy sort of tried to get in with our pranks but quickly got caught and was moved to another dorm under McGonagall's instructions. Last year, Jeremiah Jeffords was supposed to stay with us but once his parents found out they sent a howler to  _Dumbledore_. He received it during dinner time a few nights into the school year. No one forgot about it quite yet." James laughed with everyone including Sirius till his eyes watered then he slowly calmed down.

"Are you feeling better, Sirius? Truly?" Remus asked softly, his voice full of concern.

Sirius looked back at him for a few moments and nodded slowly.

"Yes. It was just the heat of the moment. I wish she would let me go. It's only attracting more attention that way." Sirius grumbled as James noticed him glance at the sixth years looking at Sirius and whispering.

"It's okay, we can all go back soon." Remus assured him.

Before James knew it, the first weekend of term was over and he was on his way to Potions with Sirius, Remus and Peter. 

"So Slytherins _actually_  sleep in  _dungeons_?" Sirius asked as they passed the Slytherin dormitory on their way to class. James nodded. 

"They deserve it." James mumbled.

They all took a seat on the second last bench, if it was up to James he would sit even further in the back but this was the best compromise he could come up with Remus. Each placed their cauldrons in front of them. Peter never missing a chance to make a scene dropped his cauldron on the floor with a loud pang, causing everyone, including old Professor Slughorn, to jump. James caught Lily roll her eyes and Snape, who was standing next to her, slightly grimace.

"Settle down, everyone. Today we shall learn how to brew the perfect Alihotsy Draught. Can anyone tell me what this potion does?"

A few hands, including Lily's, Snape's and Gideon Prewett's, shot in the air.

"Lily, dear, go ahead." 

James watched Lily smile and sighed quietly. He noticed how little forms of affection it took to please her, but never with him. He did everything he could, from smiling at her in the hallway to asking the school choir to serenade her at one dinner, which was much against Professor Flitwick's wishes.

"It induces hysteria to the taker. It's derived from the Alihosty plant, which can also make laughing potion so the it's effects to coming in contact with it obviously includes delirium." Lily said in a matter-of-a-fact-tone. James wondered how much information she had in her brain, and when she had learned all of it.

"Perfect!" Slughorn expressed with delight, making James jump from his thoughts of hopeless romanticism.

"I'd love to give Snape a bit of that." Sirius said through gritted teeth. James agreed with him and proceeded to follow Slughorn's steps to creating the blue potion. Peter was the only one who struggled with creating an adequate one. James surprisingly created the perfect potion, so he preserved it. He could see the frustration in Remus' eyes. He couldn't help but smirk at him only to be returned with a flipped middle finger underneath the table. James burst out with laughter, his worries truly floating away.

* * *

It was the third week of term and Sirius still got lost on daily basis. Remus heard Sirius complain repeatedly about how it's very similar to Ilvermorny's setting which only made it harder to distinguish the differences. Peter would usually help, but Sirius was collected and poised while Peter was everything but, so a combination of Peter's clumsiness and Sirius' inability to navigate in the castle didn't do much to the both of them. Also, James was starting to get busy with Quidditch since the first match was upcoming. Therefore, Remus took to being his compass. But that meant Remus had to be late to his Arithmacy class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, the extra subject he took, while he walked Sirius to the library for his free period. While he didn't mind helping Sirius and enjoyed spending the extra time with him, he had his OWLs to worry about since they determined what he will do for the rest of his life. Remus, out of everyone in Hogwarts, had to work twice as hard than anyone because even if he was a werewolf he had to prove that he was a lot more than that.

"You know," Remus said as he approached the library with Sirius, "maybe we should work on a map for you."

"I like this idea." Sirius replied with a grin and ran a hand through his luscious hair. Remus noticed his shirt was untucked from his pants that must've been uncomfortably tight. 

"Maybe you should tuck your shirt, Sirius. Madam Pince and Professor McGonagall could give you a detention for that."

"Ah, Remus, let loose a little! It's called a  _free_ period, you know?"

"Fine, but I'll get to tell you I told you so if you get a detention, alright?"

"Alright."

They departed each other at the library doors and met later in Transfiguration, which Remus found out is Sirius' favourite subject on his first day. All four boys sat next to each other and Remus noticed the snails in front of them.

"Today, we shall be working on how to vanish these snails." McGonagall announced and surveyed the class. "Mr. Black, tuck your shirt in. Five points from Gryffindor."

The Gryffindor students groaned and Sirius started to protest so McGonagall gave him a detention in return. Before Remus could bask in his glory, their professor commanded they all start on vanishing the snails.

Remus leaned in closely to Sirius and tried to murmur without grabbing McGonagall's attention, "I told you so." Sirius rolled his eyes but Remus could swear he was happy to hear it. 

"Mr. Lupin! I except so much better from you. Potter, Pettigrew, stop quarreling. Black, lose this smile, I sure hope you don't find scolding amusing. Now get back to working, you marauders!"

 


	13. Chapter 13

It has been a month since Sirius started Hogwarts. He was in the library during his free period on Friday to find books that will guide him and his friends to create the perfect map for Hogwarts. It had to be advanced, involving magic that was way beyond their years. They could have simply drawn it, but all of the boys wanted bigger: they wanted better. Remus insisted that it should be animated and updated on a live basis. Peter suggested that if they were able to plot where everyone was at all times on the map, they would not be caught pulling off pranks and he wouldn't have to be the look out anymore. James advised they have a secret verbal code that makes the map visible once said and another one to turn it back into looking like an ordinary parchment paper. Sirius recommended against making it look like an ordinary piece of paper, or else it might get lost and reused. Instead, it should offend anyone else who attempts to decipher it.

After looking through the shelves for half an hour he took a seat at one of the large wooden library tables. He flipped through _Magical Architecture: Vol. II_ but found his mind wandered to Remus who has been distant and exceptionally tired the past few days. It reminded him of how Remus looked when he saw him for the first time at Florean Fortescue's with Lily. Sirius was assured that something was wrong when Remus couldn't drop him to the library today and found out he wasn't heading to Arithmancy either. Both Sirius and Remus knew, but didn't let on, that Sirius by now had memorised the way from Defense Against the Dark Arts to the library too well. None of them stopped the routine though simply because they just  _liked_ spending the time together. He sighed and decided to take a break from reading, but that was when he saw him.

Sirius and Regulus didn't have any classes together. They didn't belong to the same house nor did they mingle with the same people. Surely they passed each other in the hallways a few times, but they never had any real chance to talk. Regulus was holding a book about hexes and jinxes that Sirius recognised from the monumental library in Grimmauld Place. Regulus' arm hung awkwardly midair with the book at the surprise of seeing his brother alone. He then approached him and took a seat on the empty wooden chair next to Sirius. He placed the book neatly in front of him and looked at Sirius with an expression he couldn't read for the life of him. Sirius didn't know what to say because Regulus had only been the first and probably last person to take an unforgivable curse for him and have him leave for what might have been forever after.

So instead of speaking he decided to study his younger brother. Their eyes were too similar. Sirius was sure that if someone had to identify either their bodies by just their eyes they would miserably fail. However, that's where their similarities stopped. Sirius wore long wavy black hair, while Regulus sported unruly curly brown hair that he had to cut short under his parents' commands. Regulus' nose was larger and his face structure was less defined. Yet, the biggest difference of all, dividing them both for what will be an eternity, was the colour green splattered across Regulus in contrast with the red gleaming across Sirius' chest.

"How did you end up here, Sirius?" Regulus spoke cooly. Sirius wanted to scream at him. He wanted him to be angry, he wanted him to hug him as tightly as he did every time Sirius came back from Ilvermorny.

"You know the Potters, yeah? Well, I'm friends with James Potter and his parents allowed me to stay with him. Then a few days later Dumbledore _himself_  visited me and told me I can finish my education here. I really like it here, you know, Reg?" Sirius bit his bottom lip.

"You son of a bitch! Dumbledore visited you?! I don't even think he knows my  _name_." Regulus rolled his eyes and his lips formed what Sirius interpreted to be smirk. Sirius couldn't contain his happiness. He took his brother in his arms with a fierceness he didn't know he possessed.

"I'm so sorry I left you." Sirius whispered as his brother hugged him backed.

"I'd rather have you stay somewhere away from me than get you killed, Sirius. You know mother and father never hurt me." 

Sirius cringed at the way Regulus called them mother and father. He couldn't imagine a child's relationship with his parents get anymore impersonal than this. However, he brushed it off for the sake of his brother. The both caught up with each other. Sirius let Regulus do most of the talking because for some reason, he didn't feel like sharing his new life with him. He found out Regulus started dating for the first time. She was a Slytherin  _and_ belonged to one of the Sacred Twenty Eight families, just like them. Regulus did what seemed like gloating about how much his parents would be proud and Sirius felt anger prickle under his skin.

"Are you happy, Regulus?" He looked his brother in the eyes, searching for the truthful answer. All Regulus had to do was say the word and Sirius would do anything to save him from the hellish nightmare of living in Grimmauld Place.

"Honestly? Yes, Sirius, I am. She's a great girl, mother and father take care of me, no one is upset with me, you're in school with me now... I don't have a reason to be sad." Regulus looked apologetically back at his sibling and Sirius knew that this was the truth. He nodded understandably. 

"I have to take these books back to my dorm. I'll see you around, okay?" Sirius picked the books and stood up.

"Okay. Take care." Regulus followed him suit and glanced at the books in his hand. "Are you building something?"

"Yeah, you could say so."

The walk to Sirius' dorm was a blur. He was going over his conversation with Regulus relentlessly until he reached the door. It wasn't closed the whole way and Sirius could hear voices of people arguing form inside.

"I don't think he has to know." Sirius made out Remus' voice.

"He's our friend now, Remus. Sirius is a good person, he wouldn't tell anyone and he wouldn't judge you just like we didn't. Peter, say something!" James hissed and Sirius was now assured they were talking about him.

"I don't know, James." Peter said in his squeaky voice. "Lycoranpy isn't something you just go telling people about."

Lycoranpy?, Sirius thought.

"It's lycanthropy, you git. How many times do we have to tell you?" 

"Seventy five times isn't enough apparently." Remus added.

"You've been keeping count?"

"I was intrigued after the fifth time you got it wrong. My all time favourite is Licocream."

"You two are mean."

Sirius stepped away from the door to piece together what he had just heard. He'd learned about lycanthropy in his third year of Ilvermorny because the school was apt to teach the students about all magical beings before their fifth year. All the signs from knowing Remus for a few months so clearly indicated that he was a werewolf. Sirius felt like a fool for not guessing it when James mentioned the full moon once, but he couldn't blame himself for too long since he remembered how nice it felt when Remus talked about the stars.

Remus... Remus was a werewolf. Sirius enjoyed spending time with him probably more than he did with anyone else. One day, he'd secretly wished that he'd shared all his good memories, like his first prank, watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show and listening to Bohemian Rhapsody for the first time, with Remus. But Remus was a werewolf. He was a creature that could rip his throat out in a heartbeat.

But Remus wasn't a creature. He was his friend. He was smart, talented and funny. He had dreams and aspirations just like all of them did. Remus had countless opportunities to hurt Sirius but he never did. An image of the fleshy wounds across Remus' face and body flashed in Sirius' brain and realised that Remus probably hurt himself more than he'd hurt anyone else in his life. He also realised Dumbledore wouldn't let someone so dangerous in his school. An anger even stronger than the one he felt earlier with Regulus flooded his body when he realised how unfair the world is. Remus must have had no say in his fate. Sirius knew that this was no world for a werewolf, but Remus was so much more than that. He knew he had to do all it took to make it better for Remus.

After recollecting his thoughts, Sirius walked into the dorm nonchalantly with a smile forced onto his face. 

"Hello!" He said as he plopped onto his bed. "I think we'll really get what we need for the map from these books."

"That's great!" James replied as he popped a fizzing whizbee into his mouth.

Sirius noticed Remus looking out of the window at the setting sun.

"I need to go." He groaned softly and got out of his bed.

"Where to?" Sirius decided to act oblivious for the time being.

"Detention with Slughorn. I broke a flask on my way out." Sirius was amazed at how fast he was able to come up with the lie.

That night, Sirius waited till James and Peter were asleep then pulled out James' Invisibility Cloak from underneath his bed, covering it around himself and leaving the room. He roamed around the castle for what must have been hours then realised Remus must be outdoors. He swiftly zoomed past Filch at the door and walked around the great Hogwarts perimeter until he found him. Sirius crouched behind a tree silently and watched a monstrous version of Remus growl and screech in pain and anger near what Sirius recently found out was called the Whomping Willow. James told him once the school planted it five years ago and now he knew why.

Another thing Sirius knew was that he wouldn't let Remus go through this traumatising experience alone again.

* * *

James woke up early the next morning, as he usually did the night after full moons to check on Remus in the hospital wing. The first thing he saw was Sirius pacing relentlessly with a large book in his hand.

"Sirius?" He grumbled sleepily.

"James! You're up!" Sirius spoke too quickly. James put on his glasses and realised the dark circles starting to form under his eyes and figured that Sirius hadn't slept all night.

"You didn't get any sleep?" James got out of bed and stretched.

"No, how could I? How could  _you_ for the past four years?!" 

"It's so early. Can you please explain yourself?" James lifted his glasses up to rub his eyes while yawning loudly.

"Remus. How could you let him go through this alone? How could you not think of a way to help him? Make it better?"

James' heart starting beating fast and he felt his throat tighten. He knew Sirius could only be talking about one thing.

"How do you know?" James asked in disbelief.

"Does it matter? What matters is that you've watched him tear himself to shreds for four years and did nothing about it!"

"Hey!" James felt furious. How dare he imply he was a bad friend? "Do you think I didn't try? I went out with him one night and he almost killed me, Sirius! If it wasn't for that goddamn tree I wouldn't have even been here! It's a simple equation. Werewolf plus human equals werewolf. There's no cure for his condition, there's nothing any of us can do except offer him all the support we can. Understand?"

"No, I don't." Sirius raised an eyebrow as if to challenge James so he only got more furious. "You just said it yourself. Werewolf plus human equals werewolf. We're wizards for fuck's sake. We can turn into a log of wood if we wanted to. You call yourself a Gryffindor but you never took a chance, James." Sirius narrowed his eyes and James felt like he could kill Sirius if only he didn't feel he was right.

"If you're a much better friend, what are you suggesting then?" James was livid at this point. He didn't realise he was shouting until the world's heaviest sleeper – Peter – woke up.

"Forgive me for borrowing it but it was an emergency." Sirius' voice went back to normal again as he threw James back his Invisibility Cloak. He sounded just like he did when he planned a prank. "I went through some books at the library about transfiguration because it seems like the only branch of magic that could help us. And I found this." Sirius threw him the book in his hand titled  _The Becoming of an Animagus_.

"So you're suggesting we become Animagi? Are you crazy? That's so dangerous! We might as well just spend the night with him in our human forms. Plus you need to be registered for this shit. We're underage  _and_ in Hogwarts right now. They'll never let us do it."

"Jeez, when did you start sounding so much like your mom? It's a lot more fun knowing it might not work, right? It'll be the best gift we can give Remus. Plus who said anything about being registered?" James watched Sirius air quote the word "registered".

James looked to Peter for help, who just shrugged helplessly. "He has a point, James." Peter chewed on his nail nervously.

"Fine." James said apprehensively. "We'll try, but if anything goes wrong, we stop, okay?"

"Gentlemen, get ready for Operation Animagus! Because we start today." Sirius smirked while James chewed on his lip in concern.


	14. Chapter 14

Lily was in Transfiguration with Sirius and his new friends. They shared this class with Ravenclaw students so it made it easier for her to approach Sirius without Severus being around. She noticed from the first conversation she tried to have with Sirius after the hospital that he wasn't intending on engaging in conversation with Severus in sight. She knew that this wasn't a friendship that could brew over time. Sirius and Severus would never be friends, and she had to split her time and care. It wasn't easy but Lily was strong and could manage it. Even without Severus being around, Sirius still seemed distance and uncomfortable while they talked so she usually cut the conversation short.

"Do you want any help?" She asked as she watched him transfigure a raven feather into a flower. She knew he didn't, but it was a conversation starter.

"Sirius is actually quite the Transfiguration wizard, Evans." James answered, much to her dismay. His words however sounded coherent unlike his usual cocky self.

"Right. So,  _Sirius_ , are you going to be able to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?" She knew he would understand what she meant. Going to Hogsmeade meant a signed permission slip from a parent or guardian – something she knew Sirius didn't have.

"Yes. Mrs. Potter signed my slip." He replied with the same incoherency James' voice carried. She could've sworn she almost heard him gag. Normally, she would worry but knowing the both of them, they must have been practicing for their next silly prank.

"Oh. I didn't know they were your guardians." Lily slightly frowned.

"Is that so bad?"

"No. It's the best thing that could've ever happened to you, Sirius. Honestly. I mean, if I hadn't messed up _we_ could have been siblings, but hey, as long as you're safe." She smiled and he finally smiled back. She caught Professor McGonagall staring at her so she acted as if she was helping James with his transfiguration task. They accidentally touched hands then James gently squeezed the top of her fingers and she quickly pulled her hand back, her heart racing.  _How dare he?_ She looked at Remus instead of Sirius after McGonagall broke her stare.

"Has everything been going alright, Remus?" She asked cautiously.

"Things have been so much better. Thank you for asking, Lily." He sounded grateful and his voice didn't carry the same choke Sirius and James' did.

"Have you been in contact with your mother? Is she doing better?"

"Oh yeah. Dad even visited her last week, so it's safe to know she's had some company."

"How splendid. That's all great to hear." She smiled politely at him once more and looked back at Sirius. "You will love Hogsmeade, Sirius. Especially Zonko's. We should hang out there!"

"Of course! Oh, Lily, meet me in the common room after dinner? I have something to give you."

Lily was excited and anxious at the same time for Sirius' surprise. She could barely taste her dinner and couldn't keep up with Marlene's gossiping. She almost grabbed her attention when she starting talking about Sirius, but Lily realised that Marlene was still infatuated by him and the more Lily thought about it, the more she realised it was never going to happen. A teenager as handsome, charming and previously rich as Sirius could have had any girl he wanted, because most of them swooned over him. But Lily doesn't remember Sirius talking about girls in any of their letters or their conversations. She realised the particular resentment Sirius expressed when his parents kept reminding him he was the heir, and he would be the one carrying the Black name down to many generations. Between her new revelations and the upcoming meeting with Sirius, Lily found herself cutting up her vegetables into even pieces and rearranging them into a neat mosaic fashion. She found that organisation and cohesiveness kept her calm. Soon, the Great Hall was dismissed from dinner and she ran to the Gryffindor dormitory.

She took a seat on one of the empty arm chairs by the fireplace. She watched the flames sway and she was reminded of her camping trip with her parents, which led her to felt a weird pang in her stomach. Lily, for the first time, missed her parents. They had grown closer than ever this summer since she started Hogwarts, especially with Petunia being away. Though missing her parents should be upsetting, Lily was happy. Missing her parents meant that their relationship was heading in the right direction. She smiled and surveyed the common room. She watched the couples in love, huddled together, talking about everything and nothing. She admired the small groups of best friends huddled together, catching up on their day. She laughed with the first years trying imported candy from Japan, not noticing the sushi flavoured label on the outside. Lily wrapped her arms tightly around herself and figured the biggest realisation of today; she loved living, and more importantly, feeling alive.

Sirius walked out of the boy's dormitories holding a book in his hand and she instantly knew which one it was.

"I usually never give things I borrow back. So this goes to show how much I love you." Sirius sounded genuine and light-hearted like his usual self and she knew her best friend was coming back to her. He took a seat on the arm of the chair and held the book out while Lily shook her head.

"Keep it. It's yours. I sort of felt paranoid so I went out and got a new cover." She smiled innocently.

"Ah, of course." Sirius rolled his eyes and placed the book on his lap. "So, Mr. Darcy. Where can I find me one? No Lily, don't laugh! I started having fantasies about this man in my sleep. What have you done to me?!"

They spent the next hour discussing Mr. Darcy's appeal and even deeper aspects of the book such as class and love. They then started giving their opinions about this year's classes. Just for her own pleasure, Lily waited till Sirius vented about everything he hated about his subjects and teachers and then twisted it around, mentioning how these were her favourite aspects of the school year. Sirius, however, seemed to particularly despise Professor Slughorn over everyone and everything else and was appalled to find out he was actually her favourite professor. Without a doubt, Sirius' favourite professor was McGonagall.

* * *

Remus arrived at Hogsmeade with James, Peter and Sirius only to be instantly dragged into Zonko's.

"You lads own  _everything_ the old man makes. What could you possibly still want from there?" He groaned and crossed his arms. Remus would rather spend the little of the money he had in Honeydukes on their new chocolate treats. It was the main reason he had been looking forward to Hogsmeade. He never fully saw the appeal of the trips and why everyone looked forward to them. He found that Hogwarts was still the most magical and exciting place that has ever existed. They get food and they pull pranks, which is exactly what everyone does in Hogsmeade. He never expressed his thoughts to his friends before because he knew he would receive the World's Biggest Eye Roll, followed by Endless Teasing.

"It has been around half a year since we visited Zonko's, Remus! Plus Sirius has never been here, be excited for the man!" James said distractedly as he was observing Blind-In-Books. Their description tag announced in an annoyingly bright red that they cause the readers to go blind for a half a minute.

Remus looked around the store to find anything of his appeal, but failed as usual. He found Peter was trailing after Sirius, who was examining with enthusiasm mugs that once filled with room temperature water feel burning to the touch, but in reality it doesn't do any real damage to the skin. He saw Sirius sneakily glance at the price tag, face quickly falling after. He seemed discouraged and went to find James with Peter, not noticing Remus. After checking the price tag, Remus found out the false heat mug was worth eleven knuts and fifty sickles. Remus had fifteen knuts in his pocket. He did the math and found out he could still afford his favourite chocolate bar from Honeydukes if he bought the mug. He quickly paid Zonko's the money for the mug, avoiding being seen by Sirius or the others. He wanted it to be a surprise. Remus knew the feeling of not being able to afford luxuries too well. He imagined that being to afford too many luxuries then none at all must be even harder to deal with. It was a silly joke from a silly shop, but Remus had a feeling it would mean a lot more to Sirius than that.

After scavenging Honeydukes, the boys decided to have drinks at the Three Broomsticks. James, carrying the most bags out of all of them, said that the drinks were on him today. Remus noticed all three of them slightly grimacing as the butterbeer reached their mouths and wondered what they were up to. For a few days now, their speech was funny and they would disappear for hours on end some days. He even heard Sirius throw up several times in the middle of the night. When he repeatedly asked what their plan was, they all told him that they were planning their greatest prank yet, and telling him now would compromise the whole thing. 

"Are you sure this prank of yours isn't dangerous? You guys look terrible." Remus raised an eyebrow at them.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?! I never look terrible." Sirius flipped his hair and Remus couldn't help but grin.

"You're some fucking narcissist, you know that, Black?" Surely, Remus was playful with his friends but this was a new found confidence he wished to constantly retain.

Sirius' eyes widened in disbelief then crossed his arms, nodding once. "I know. Is it such a bad thing to love yourself?"

"Touché. Hey, Sirius, I have something for you." 

"If you moon me, I swear to God."

"You wish to see my arse. But no." Remus took out the mug and handed it to Sirius. "It just seemed like you really liked it... I noticed that you never really got a chance to buy it, so I thought I'd get it for you." 

Remus searched Sirius' face for any reaction, but he didn't give one. Not for a few eternally long moments, anyway. 

"I don't need pity." Sirius spat through gritted teeth. Remus felt something gnaw at his stomach.

"I'm not pitying you. I'm your friend, you idiot. I saw something I knew you'd like and I got it for you." Remus tried to sound calm and cool but knew he wasn't succeeding.

"You mean you got it for me because you thought I was poor or something? I'm a Black, Remus, not your little charity project." There was a resentment that escaped Sirius' voice and chased after Remus' heart.

"Whoa, Sirius. You should probably watch what you're saying." James intervened, looking serious and slightly angry.

"I just don't get it. Why did he buy this stupid mug for me? I don't need help." Remus watched Sirius clench his fists as he talked.

"Well you damn right need help, Sirius. Merlin, the Black family you're suddenly so proud of is out to  _kill_ you. You don't have anything and guess what? In order to have a proper education, a roof over your head and food on your plate, you'll need some fucking help, mate." James rarely got cynical or angry, and the fact that it's one of his best mates making him feel this way probably made it worse.

"Whatever. Let's just go back." Sirius retorted and stood up.

"Weren't you supposed to meet with Evans?" James asked with raised eyebrows.

"Not exactly in the mood." Sirius started walking to the door.

"You have a good damn thing going on, Sirius, you're an idiot for wasting it away!" James shouted after him. Remus slipped the mug back in his pocket and everyone silently followed Sirius back to the castle.

* * *

Sirius lay awake in his bed, guilt lodging in the back of his brain. Sirius had walls built up really high from his youth. James, Remus and Peter were able to crumble most of them, but it was as if Remus' small gesture earlier instantly built them all back up, and he wasn't sure why. He hated his upbringing and usually never repeated anything his parents taught him, but today he found some value in it. It was a facade to hide behind when you were weak. But James saw right through the facade and brought Sirius back to reality and that was when he knew he was the truest friend he has ever had. He decided that, especially after today, receiving help and accepting acts of kindness was something he had to get used to.

He could hear Remus snore softly and suddenly he was really aware of the bitter Mandrake leaf residing underneath his tongue and all the trouble it has been giving him for the past week. He was about to change a huge part of his life for the boy sleeping near him and he dared let him fall asleep when they were both arguing over something silly, and entirely Sirius' fault. He felt disgusted at himself and decided to wake Remus up and apologise – a decision he knew would come to regret. He grabbed the Honeydukes bag from underneath his bed and walked over to Remus' bed sitting next to him.

"Remus." He whispered and shook him gently. It took a few more tries for Remus to respond.

"You better be dying." The sleepy boy grumbled.

"I actually might be. Because you're upset at me and I don't think I can live this way." Sirius sighed dramatically.

"You are so full of drama, and shit, Sirius."

"The Potters gave me a small allowance. I took part of it with me today. I actually didn't get the mug because I spent the money had on this. A thank you gift for being my guide, I guess." Sirius pulled out two bars of expensive flavoured chocolate Honeydukes just released while Remus sat up and took a good look.

"I get to keep the chocolate  _and_ the mug and we forget this ever happened. Do we have a deal?"

Sirius' heart sped up with gratefulness spreading through him. He grinned like a fool but didn't care for one very rare moment about how he looked.

"We have a deal."

"Good. Wake me up again at an ungodly hour and I will kill you, Sirius. Trust me, I can do it. I'm a beast." Remus was falling asleep again as he continued speaking and Sirius was sure he wasn't aware of what he was saying.

"You're not a beast." Sirius whispered then went back to his bed, lying down on the side where he faced Remus and fell asleep soundly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up: mentions/acts of homophobia in this chapter.

"Potter, I need you to stay back." McGonagall said as she finished writing the homework assignment on the board. James froze mid-step as he was walking out of the class with his friends. They told him they'll see him back at their dorm and he walked back to his professor.

"Yes, professor?" James said as he subconsciously matted his hair. 

"I'm sure you've heard of what happened to Jeffery Jeffords." James, of course, knew too well what happened to him. Jeffery was expelled from Hogwarts after using his prefect status to smuggle illegal potion ingredients into Hogwarts. 

"Yes, ma'am." James knew better than to address McGonagall with any hint of disrespect.

"Gryffindor is now one prefect short, and I think you will be the perfect fit for it. You've taken Mr. Black under your wing and he's doing great in all of his classes. Your pranks seemed to have ceased this year," little did she know that they were just much better at covering them, "and you've set a great example for all of Hogwarts with your exceeding Quidditch. So I've told Professor Dumbledore that I have decided to make you prefect. Here is your badge." She handed him a glossy red and gold prefect badge which he pinned on his robes. 

She spent the next hour explaining his duties and what would be expected from him. For a while, he thought about how his newly earned power would allow them to pull pranks better than ever, but something about McGonagall's tone made him feel guilty to think that way. He then started thinking of how he could help using his mischievous ways. This way, James could get rid of any and everyone who stands in the way of him and his friends. He knew he couldn't punish Snivellus because he was in another house, but he was still allowed to reprimand him. All the excitement must have shown on James' face because McGonagall snapped at him.

"Potter, are you even listening?! Don't make me regret this." 

"Yes, si– ma'am!" James widened his eyes and stood up quickly.

"Go along, now." The professor shooed him away and zoomed to her desk.

James walked back to his dorm, feeling more confident that he ever had. He broke a fight between a group of second years then awarded Gryffindor 10 points when a third year just as much congratulated him for becoming a prefect. He filed it underneath exceptional behaviour. He reached the dorm to find Sirius and Remus wrestling on the ground, making sounds that fall between laughter and groans. James could hear Peter in the shower. 

"Boys, boys, come on, don't let me deduct points from your beloved house!"

"HE HID MY CHOCOLATE!" Remus shouted and he punched Sirius in the rib, which mustn't have been too hard since Sirius managed to laugh. 

"HE STOLE MY COMB!" Sirius bellowed and he finally pinned Remus to ground.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, you idiot!"

Just as Remus finished talking, Peter walked out of the bathroom, combing his hair. "Sirius, mate, this comb is amazing!"

Both Sirius and Remus glared at Peter then at once queued to attack him. Sirius more angry than Remus, but both with just a great passion to hurt him. James only guessed Remus attacked Peter because of the heat of the moment and his wasted time. Sirius pulled his comb away and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

"James!" Remus was the first to notice the pin. "No way!"

"Yes sir!" James grinned hugely. "Only power and endless sorcery to me!"

"Congratulations, mate!" Remus laughed and hugged him while Peter was still registering what was happening. "That's a lot of responsibly, James. You mustn't mess it up."

"Okay, dad." James rolled his eyes and Peter finally understood. He congratulated his friends as well but James couldn't help but notice how upset Remus looked. He took a seat next to him and punched his arm gently.

"In another life, you could be the best prefect Hogwarts has seen, Remus."

"But it's not another life, James. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for you. But it's just..." 

"Don't be silly, Remus. It's understandable. You might not be able to be prefect but you kick my ass in all subjects and probably will continue to." James rolled his eyes and smiled. He did his best to make his friend feel better, and Remus slowly started to look like it too. James knew he became extremely moody before the full moon and if he couldn't control his transformations, James could at least help with controlling his emotions. Sirius walked out of the bathroom and all boys headed to dinner. Sirius was ecstatic more than anyone else that James was a prefect. He started planning pranks and demonstrated how James' newly earned position will help them achieve it. Suddenly it all seemed appealing again. As James was promising them they would let them use the prefect's bathroom one night, Lily took a seat near them.

She seemed a lot more cheerful than he'd seen her all summer. She was smiling without knowing it, her dimples barely showing. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders unlike how she would usually tie it in classes. He stood close enough to her several times to know it smelled of strawberries and pine. 

"Evans!" He called out, a smiling smugly.

Lily didn't answer him, yet she gave him a glance indicating she was at least mildly interested.

"You're looking at the newest Gryffindor prefect!"

"Unbelievable. At least I take some pleasure in knowing you were their second choice." Lily commented as she ate from her pumpkin soup.

"Admit it, you're impressed."

"I think being a prefect is the best achievement you shall ever make. So I wouldn't say impressed."

"My biggest achievement will be marrying you, Lily. You just wait." James sat back down as Lily fell into a fit of laughter.

* * *

Sirius was on his way back to the dormitory with James, Remus and Peter when they passed Snape, Lucius Malfoy and his cousin Narcissa among a large crowd. Sirius felt the hair on his neck stand and his skin prickle. He was feeling a mixture of anger and fear from each and every one of them. Lucius and Narcissa remind him of his old life and Snape represented everything Sirius loathed: the dark arts, the love of pureblood and Slytherins. 

"Look who we have here." Lucius spat.

"A bunch of narcissistic, arrogant assholes?" Sirius replied quickly.

"A bunch of bloodtraitors." Snape mumbled.

"You wanna say that to your best friend, Snivellus?" James hissed.

"Look at your boyfriend defending you, Sirius. I am _almost_ awed. But that's just disgusting."

"You _shut up_!" Sirius shouted, his anger growing beyond control. He wasn't going to let his family control and manipulate his feelings anymore, especially not in the place he feels the safest.

"What? We got the little homo angry?" Lucius laughed cruelly and before he could hold himself back, Sirius lurched his arm, punching him in the jaw. 

" _Petrificus Totalus_ " Narcissa screamed and Sirius froze, falling onto the ground. He could only see the floor and watched a foot which he guessed was Snape's fly into his stomach. Sirius let out a groan of pain and teared up in frustration because he couldn't retaliate. 

"COME WATCH THE GAY FREAK SHOW EVERYONE!" Lucius' voice rang around the hall and Sirius could here the footsteps gather around him. The murmurs of horror and amusement rose and he could hear James trying to break it up. He threatened to take 50 points from Gryffindor and when people laughed at his threat, he actually did. It was the worst time to feel grateful, but Sirius was. He was in pain, unable to speak, and entirely humiluated. He wished he could rewind time an hour ago when he was in the dorm room with play fighting with Remus. It was one of the happiest moments he had since he came to Hogwarts and realised what an odd time it was to be thinking of that. He acarpeted that he had no control over the situation and just closed his eyes, waiting for it to end.

* * *

_Control yourself._

Remus repeated the words to himself over and over as he watched chaos rise in the hallway. There were so many students crammed around him that even the professors couldn't make way or be heard. He stared at Sirius, who looked the most helpless he'd seen him. No one deserved to go through this, especially not Sirius who had already suffered too much under these people's hands. Then he noticed it. Sirius closed his eyes and tears ran down the bridge of his nose to the ground. Remus couldn't control his emotions anymore. 

The next thing he knew, he was helplessly punching Lucius. Narcissa was screaming and Snape suddenly turned upside down, which meant James must have used his favourite spell, Levicorpus, on him.

It was 9pm when Lucius, Narcissa, Snape, James, Sirius and Remus were lined up in front of Slughorn and McGonagall in the hospital wing. Sirius and Lucius lay down on beds next to each other, much to everyone's dismay. Remus sat on another bed, his bleeding hand starting to heal from the potion Madame Pomfrey applied on him. Sirius was quiet and reserved, unlike any other time Remus had seen him. Even when he saw him outside the Potter Manor, Sirius seemed frantic over shaken. Contrarily, Lucius was raving about how his father will hear about it and have everyone, especially the half-blood, out of school the first thing by the morning.

After Professor McGonagall disciplined James, she snapped at Lucius, asking him to "stop talking, for everyone's sake." James got detention for a week, which Remus was at first surprised about, but then in hindsight, James just preformed a relatively harmless spell on Snape. She then turned her attention to Sirius. 

"Black, how could you get yourself in this mess?" She sighed and Sirius looked away. "Take your time to heal, but I expect an extended essay about the limitations of Transfiguration by the end of the month."

"And you, Lupin." McGonagall shook her head in disappointment. "Have you  _any_ idea how much trouble you put yourself in tonight?"

"I was defending a friend." Remus said above a whisper.

"By physically  _attacking_  Malfoy?!" McGonagall's face turned red once more. "You will spend a month worth of detention with me while you help Professor Filch clean the bathrooms every day, without magic."

"Yes, professor." He mumbled.

"And you three." She finally turned to the Slytherin students. "If you were my students I would have you expelled  _this_ _instant._ I'll leave you to them Professor Slughorn." She glared at the old man then left the hospital wing.

The next few days passed agonisingly slow. Sirius barely spoke and acted like nothing happened, which was worse because Remus wished he would talk about it. Detention was draining especially when the full moon was dawning in. People still murmured and pointed whenever they passed by and James was barely available because of his busy schedule between studying for his OWLs, practicing for Quidditch and doing detention.

Remus walked back to their dorm room on a Friday night after detention. James was just leaving to fulfil his own detention. They caught up and spoke about what happened and checked if they were okay, and truthfully, Remus was okay, but he was worried for Sirius and so was James. He made his way into the dorm to see Sirius only lying down on his own bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, where's Peter?" Remus asked as casually as he could.

"Library duty. He's using the cloak. We still need to finish that map, you know?"

"Yeah." Remus sat down next to Sirius. "Can the Zonko's mug make this any better?" He looked down at his friend.

"No. Maybe Honeydukes chocolate."

"You still have it hidden, you know?"

"Nah, I put it back in your drawer like three weeks ago."

"Git!"

"Hand me the chocolate now!"

The boys sat down in comfortable silence, sharing a bar of strawberry flavoured chocolate.

"Sometimes talking about how you feel helps, Sirius."

It took Sirius a few minutes to talk, but he eventually did. "You know, it's just... I wish they didn't have control over me anymore. I'm so happy here in Hogwarts with you, Lily, James and Pete. Even seeing Reg and knowing he's doing okay makes me so relieved. But my family is  _still there_. It's like I'll never get rid of them. I don't give a flying shit about if people know I'm gay or any other aspect of my life. That's because it's mine, I mean, what does it matter what people I don't care about think? Anyway, it's just, they still control my life no matter what I do. I ran away and they're still there. Not even just my family, but people I hate. Sometimes I get so scared that I will never be fully happy."

Remus' heart broke for Sirius but he also understood wholeheartedly.

"I'm not going to tell you none of that is true, because it is. What you're going through is so shitty. But you need to remember that you're not going to be stuck with them forever. One day you'll start your own life and you'll meet someone you love, and you'll have your friends all along the way. You have us now too, you know. One day everything will be okay, and you will be happy, and you will look back on this time of your life, laugh, and you'll say _I made it_."

"I know, Rem. It does feel good to talk about it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Brightest star in the sky."

"Cheesy. Wanna listen to some music? I have a lot of records here."

Remus agreed. He cast sound-proofing charms on their walls as Sirius set up his record player. He put on his favourite song, Bohemian Rhapsody. Remus had heard Sirius speak of it several times but had never actually listened to it, and he wished it would have stayed this way. He despised the song and had a long argument with Sirius about it.

"The song is about sexuality, self-discovery, morals, making mistakes, facing consequences, running from the past, starting a new life, all combined in one. There is something for everyone in this song, Remus! It sounds different and all over the place... Because it is! It's a song full of culture and history. There is a real beauty to this song, Remus, you just need to find it."

Remus loved the passion Sirius talked about the song. Remus still didn't love it, and probably never will, but he had a newly found appreciation for it and for Sirius. Sirius then attempted to play different kinds of music for Remus. They almost ran out of records till they found out the perfect one he would enjoy. Sirius said it was categorised as Jazz and the artist was called Frank Sinatra. Most of the songs made Remus want to dance, which he clumsily did while Sirius watched and cheered him on. Fly Me to the Moon was his favourite. He asked Sirius to play it again and he pulled Sirius up to dance with him as Sinatra's voice filled the room...

" _Fly me to the moon,_

 _Let me play among the stars_ "

He kept repeating the two lines to Sirius even when James and Peter came back. Sirius couldn't stop smiling, and though Remus wouldn't point it out, he knew he was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the conversation about bohemian rhapsody actually happened between me and one of my best friends who reads this story!  
> also, i think this was my favourite chapter to write so far even though it was so upsetting at one point..


	16. Chapter 16

Sirius was sitting next to Remus in the hospital wing, reading him Pride and Prejudice after his full moon transformation when he realised the way he felt about Remus was unlike the way he felt towards any other of his friends. Remus explained that he had a bad run in with the Whomping Willow and Sirius acted like he believed him. James was in Quidditch practice and Sirius promised Peter he didn't have to do library duty all of next week if he did it tonight. Truthfully he just wanted to spend time with Remus alone. It was selfish, Sirius knew, because he was as much of Peter and James' friend as he was Sirius' friend. But Sirius couldn't help but grasp onto every chance he could spend with Remus alone. These moments seemed to cease all of his worries away because somehow Remus always knew the right thing to say and do. Sirius always found himself admiring every little detail on Remus' face as if he could forget him at any moment, though he knew no matter how hard he tried, he never could, and would never want to. Sometimes he could swear that Remus was doing the same thing. 

Now, though, Remus lay down on the hospital bed with his eyes closed. Sirius noticed he was undressed but the covers hid his body from the waste down. He examined the scars on Remus' chest as he read the book at a slower pace. They were deep and were there to last. He now understood why Remus never spent too much time in front of the mirror and wore thick layers of clothes. For a moment, Sirius felt ashamed of himself for ever complaining about what his parents did to him. He diverted his thoughts back to the book since it was at a pivotal point where Mr. Darcy was starting to realise his love for Elizabeth.

"You're a really good reader." Remus said faintly as Sirius paused between chapters. 

"You're a really good listener." Sirius felt like that was a stupid thing to say, so he continued by saying, "thank you."

"I really appreciate you being here."

"That's what best friends are for." Sirius couldn't imagine himself getting any cheesier, or cringeworthy.

"Really, Sirius?"

"I take it back."

"Man I was thinking of giving you the Zonko's mug to maybe use on Malfoy but after this..."

"Not the mug!"

"You caused this upon yourself."

"Can I do anything to make it better? I really could use that mug."

"Keep reading, maybe I'll change my mind."

So continuing to read, Sirius did. He knew he was a good reader as Remus told him, he usually didn't even need to fully pay attention to what he's reading to have a clear elocution. Just like now. Sirius' mind was thrown back to last week when he was here with a bruised stomach, after being outed to the whole school against his will. He remembered the dark state of mind he was in during the few days that followed and how Remus was the only one able to pull him out of it. Sirius wasn't fond of jazz, but when he danced to Fly Me to the Moon with Remus, he felt like the song was written for the both of them. Flying to the moon and dancing among the stars. It felt like the perfect thing to do at such a terrible time. 

Sirius then thought about Regulus, who was becoming more secretive about his relationship with Sirius. It was as if he wanted to give Sirius all the love and support he could, but without letting anyone else know it. Sirius didn't mind it though – some love is better than none at all.

He ran his hand over his stomach and another flashback of Snape kicking him forcefully into his stomach visited his mind. This memory was slowly turning into a bittersweet one. After she'd learned of what happened, Lily confronted him in potions before Slughorn reached the class and she told him to forget about her and that he was the most awful thing that has ever happened to her. Sirius and James exchanged ecstatic looks. Snape's face turned red and mumbled mudblood then Lily turned around and flipped him off. James almost reached out for his wand to get back at Snape for calling her such an awful name but Sirius stopped him. They instead convinced the whole class, including the Slytherins, to chant "Snivellus" until Snape left the class as Slughorn walked in. Even Slughorn, the house lover, deducted 20 points from Slytherin for his action. 

Sirius was well past half of the book when he realised Remus was faintly snoring. He closed the book and walked back to the dorm to see what James saved him for dinner. His stomach started growling hours ago and he was sure Remus had heard it but none of them suggested that he should leave, so he didn't. James sat on his bed, taking notes from the books Peter brought in from the library, who was now fast asleep. Sirius sat next to James as he pulled out a plate of meat loaf, mashed potatoes and vegetables from underneath his bed.

"Why'd you hide the plate?" Sirius asked as he devoured the food. 

"Peter gets peckish at night." James said and looked at Sirius. 

"You okay, James?" Sirius asked with a mouthful of mash. 

"It's amazing how you're the one asking this."

"That's called running away from the question." Sirius put his plate down slowly.

"It's just a stressful year you know? OWLs, Quidditch, becoming a prefect, turning into an animagus, making an extremely complicated map, chasing a girl that will never love me back, looking out for all of you." James sighed and pushed the parchment away.

"James, we don't need looking out for. Okay, maybe a little. Look, okay, it's a stressful year, but if anyone's up for it, it's you. You're always up early, you're always cheerful, ready, and you carry much less baggage, you know? You know I've been really close to cracking the map," Sirius said truthfully, "so just let me take it from there. And we're so close to transforming. We can spit out that bitch of a leaf tomorrow and drink the potion and it's all a matter of time. And you love being in charge, you can't deny enjoying being a prefect, eh? And quidditch is your passion, don't turn it into a burden. As for OWLs... They're meant to be a pain in the ass, you know?"

"Yeah, you're right." James nodded slowly. "You're going to be at the match on Tuesday, yeah?"

"Of course you prick. How could I miss my brother go against other brother?"

"Regulus better be your 'other brother'." 

"He is."

"Good."

"I'm going to bed."

"Me too."

"Good night my love."

"Get your ass to bed."

* * *

James was feeling the best he had in a month and he gave it all to spitting out the Mandrake leaf a few days ago. He felt fresh and optimistic. He was playing against Sirius' brother for the first time, which was a major reason he wanted to win today. James didn't hate Regulus nor did he have anything against him. But he felt like there was an unspoken competition between them about who cares for Sirius the most, and James knew it was him. After what happened to Sirius, Regulus only became more distant and checked on him twice. James was there for him everyday.

They went onto the rainy field and started off the first game of the year among the excited roars of the crowd and the heightened aura of the players. James soared high in the sky searching for the snitch and keeping a close eye on Regulus too. It was better for seekers to know where the other one was in case he or she found the golden snitch. James saw a sliver of gold a few meters away from him and he dove closer to it only that he started feeling his body getting heavier. Regulus was now nowhere to be seen. James felt his arms turned thin, long and stiff. His chest got wider. James slowly started to slide off his broom and no longer had arms to grip onto it but four stiff limbs. He couldn't shout for help, but instead a gruff sound escaped him.

As he fell to the ground, James couldn't help but think about the irony. He was afraid all along that he would be stuck in a half man half animal form. Or that the ministry would find out and send them to Azkaban. Or choke on the godawful mandrake leaf and die. But now, he fully transformed into a what seems to be a deer, just only at the worst time possible. He was fast approaching the stadium when he remembered he can turn back. He knew the best practice he could get in transforming from and into his animal form is during a life threatening situation.

James did it. He was back into his human form when he fell into everyone's sight shouting for help. Someone squealed Arresto Momentum and James landed safely on the ground and his broom followed. He was thankful for whomever thought of his broom too. The team captain asked for time out. He asked James what happened and he blamed it on the rain. James was shaken because of the traumatising experience he had just gotten through. He couldn't believe his luck when the snitch flew right his way and all he had to do was reach out and catch it.

As everyone celebrated in the common room, James manoeuvred through the crowd making his way into his room. He hid under the cloak and walked back into the common room, grabbing Sirius and Peter's arms and dragged them out of the dormitory. Peter freaked out and Sirius laughed.

"What're you hiding for, James?" Sirius said as he pulled the cloak off of James.

"I sure do love the attention but I cannot cope with it at the moment because I almost died because of your stupid idea!" James hissed and rubbed his forehead.

"Which one?" Sirius quizzed him.

"Funny. Follow me, we're going to the prefect's bathroom." James and the boys walked to the now empty bathroom.

"What's going on, James?" Peter asked nervously. 

James looked around to reassure that no one was in the bathroom. He stood in front of a mirror and closed his eyes. He cleared his mind and only focused on turning into his animal form. After a few minutes of awkward silence James opened his eyes to see a stag with large antlers stare back at him. He was buff and had determination in his glossy brown eyes. James thought he could never love magic more. He turned around and faced Sirius and James. Peter was on the verge of hyperventilating and Sirius wore a huge grin on his face, despite looking slightly startled. James walked over to him and Sirius pet the top of his head. His hand felt cool yet soft. Peter slowly calmed down and asked if he can touch him and Sirius said "obviously."

Peter rubbed James' back then after a few minutes of having the boys study him, he turned back into his human form. 

"Holy shit." Sirius whispered them laughed. "It worked. It fucking worked! These antlers of yours, Merlin!"

"It did! At the worst possible time, but it did." James agreed. 

"What do you mean?"

"Mate, I turned into a stag when I was somewhere between the earth's atmosphere and outer space."

"No way! Is that how you fell?!" Sirius suddenly looked worried. 

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm fine. Also, my game is usually so much better. Who stopped me?"

"McGonagall. Lily got your broom though. I was amazed at her aim."

James' heart skipped a beat. Lily cared about him. If she didn't, she wouldn't have gone for saving a thin piece of wood in the middle of the storm. His heart suddenly filled with joy and he held his fist up with excitement. 

"Don't get too carried away now." Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"This is life-changing news, Sirius! Oh this is amazing, the game has just gotten so much better." James sighed happily. 

"It's not a game." Sirius' tone slightly fell.

"It's not, I know it's not. You know I know it's not!"

"I do. Okay, look, James. If none of the two of us transform by the time the next full moon approaches, you go with Remus, okay? We did this so he doesn't have to do it alone."

"But Sirius, we agreed to do this together."

"We agreed to do this for Remus." Sirius had a point and James couldn't argue with that. Truthfully, James was just slightly afraid to go out alone with Remus. There was a fine line between recklessness and bravery and though he crossed it before, he didn't want to cross it again. But then he thought of Remus' face in the crowd, cheering his name and he knew he had to do it. 

* * *

Halloween was a fun night for the whole school. Though McGonagall and Dumbledore banned dressing up after Marlene's breakdown thanks to James, they still served themed food. Remus' favourite was the pumpkin filled chocolate in shape of an actual pumpkin. The boys stayed up late in their dorm, drinking some Butterbeer they stocked on from their last trip to Hogsmeade. They listened to a record each and Peter asked Sirius to recommend him something (he enjoyed The Beatles).

James was up early the next day and to Remus' surprise, he was trying to finish his potions homework. He was positive Sirius must have not woken up long ago since he was still in his bed and more importantly, his hair was a mess. Peter was eating candy before breakfast, a habit Remus never understood, as he played with a Zonko's game. 

"Good morning, honeys." Remus said groggily and sat up, fixing his hair.

"Morning, sunshine." Sirius replied with a yawn.

"Hello, sweetheart." James added with a grin.

"Am I missing something?" Peter asked with a confused expression.

The three others laughed and everyone got ready for the day. Sirius said he wasn't hungry and he would rather stay in and eat Peter's candy as he worked on the map, which everyone was grateful for. The boys, or for better words, Remus, asked Lily to meet them in the common room after the breakfast to plan a gift for Sirius. Surprisingly, none of them realised when they last visited Hogsmeade that there will be no other Hogsmeade trip trill after Sirius' birthday. After breakfast they were all sat near the fire discussing the perfect gift. 

"Let's start by deciding what Sirius needs the most." Lily said.

"I mean, I think he's the happiest he's ever been right now..." James replied.

"Potter, if you're not going to be helpful, then please just leave." She snapped at him and Remus couldn't help but snort only for James to shoot him an angry look.

"What about something to do with that song he loves?" Remus asked.

"Or that weird movie." James added.

"He loves Zonko's jokes too I can give him something I already own!" Peter chimed in and Lily rolled her eyes.

Everyone took a moment to think further.

"Shouldn't Sirius be okay if he doesn't receive his gift right away?" Lily seemed like she had an epiphany and everyone heard her intently.

"He's not materialistic. He shouldn't mind." James answered.

"So we know Sirius loves Queen. I can owl my..." Lily took a brief pause, "sister. I'll ask her to buy all of us tickets to a concert on their tour in the summer."

"Lily, that's perfect!" Remus exclaimed and the other two nodded vigourously in agreement. It was the perfect gift for Sirius, and unlike The Mug Incident, Remus knew he would appreciate it.

"Hold on." Lily said in excitement as she ran to the girls' side of the dormitories. She came back later with a parchment, ink and quill. She carefully started writing. When she was done, Remus read the piece of paper.

" _Us, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter promise you, Sirius Black, an unforgettable experience this summer. You are invited to attend with us a Queen concert from The Night at the Opera Tour the following summer of 1976._

_Love always,_

_Lily Evans_ "

"The rest of you sign here." Lily handed them the paper and everyone signed as told.

* * *

As he walked to History of Magic on an early Monday morning with his friends, Sirius' mind was busy with the idea that his birthday was the following day. He was thinking of how things differed greatly from his birthday last year. It seems a decade away when he was this child longing for his parent's approval and searching for a home. Now he's found it in himself, and understood things about himself that he never would have if he never left Grimmauld Place. As they neared the classroom, Sirius felt his stomach tighten. He felt himself getting slowly thrown forwards and he was no longer on two legs, but four limbs. Unlike James, Sirius didn't need a mirror to know what animal he turned into. It was obvious that he was a big black dog. He saw the frantic looks on his friends' faces who arranged tightly in front of him attempting to hide him. Sirius tried to laugh but a bark escaped his mouth. He noticed people starting to look and, thankfully to the extensive animagus research he did and his excelling transfiguration skills, he quickly transformed back. He pulled his broom out from his robe then stood up quickly, holding it up.

"Aha!" He shouted slightly too loud to mimic the sound of the bark. "Found it."

The looks slowly faded away, and Sirius was sure any scepticism was going to die quickly since the incident with Lucius, Snape and Narcissa already established that Sirius wasn't an average person and trouble looked for him.

"Explain.  _Now_." Remus' voice was sharp and serious. Sirius looked at James and Peter for help but they only shrugged in response.

"I'll explain in class. I promise, but come on, we're already late." They all ran into the class as Professor Binns started today's lecture. Sirius was planning on working further on the map in class but now he realised this was not going to happen. As they settled down, he tried to imagine Remus' reaction. He hadn't thought that far ahead, but he had a feeling that he wasn't going to accept the surprise with open arms.

Sirius, James and Peter spent the first half of the class explaining the timeline of their transformation to Remus to prolong receiving his reaction for as long as possible. When Remus' face turned red and he clutched onto his quill too tightly, James took it upon himself to mention it was Sirius' idea and Peter agreed.

"How long have you known?" Sirius knew Remus' question was directed towards him.

"Since your first transformation when we came back to school." Sirius spoke cautiously.

"How are you okay with it?" Remus looked away from Sirius' eyes.

"Why would I see you any differently because of something you're forced into doing one night a month? It doesn't affect you for the rest of the year. You're actually one of the most decent people I know." Sirius spoke quietly and truthfully. There was a lot more he wanted to tell Remus, but thought this was enough for now.

"It's too dangerous. I run away during that time because I don't want to let anyone get hurt because of me. James tried it before, it won't work, Sirius. I won't let you come with me." Remus retorted.

"We're coming whether you like it or not, Remus, we did this for you. We won't get hurt. James can easily fend you off and I can try to calm you."

That was the end of the conversation, meaning Sirius had won. It went a lot better than expected, and he was excited for the next full moon to go on this new adventure with his friends. They still had to wait for Peter though and no one knew how long he was going to take to transform. But they didn't have to wait for long. That same night when they were all asleep Peter turned into the ugliest rat any of them had seen (though no one really told him that). Peter, in rat form, crawled onto Sirius' bed and Sirius almost squashed him with his boots. Luckily for Peter, he was a fast runner as an animagus.

The next morning Lily gave him his birthday gift and Sirius fought hard to force back the tears of gratitude.

A week later, Sirius sat in his bed at 3am. He used the Lumos spell to light it up. He recently found out about the secret passages, and one lead to Remus' hiding room, so he had to work even more on their map. Yet, finally, he thought, after three months of long, tiring work, Sirius drew the last stroke in The Map (a name they still had to work on). "Eureka!" He shouted loudly that even Peter was awaken.

"Who's dying?!" James said as he frantically looked for his glasses.

Sirius lit the whole room up and all of them cursed at him. He then sat in the middle and opened the map in front of him and they huddled around him to study it.

"Sirius..." Remus said quietly. He was sleepy but breath-taken and Sirius' heart sped up slightly. He was not used to approval, and now he was getting it form everyone. "You drew so well! This is so precise!" Remus continued as he studied the map. 

"Yeah, thank you." Sirius smiled sheepishly as James high-fived him.

"Can we finish it tonight?" Peter asked excitedly.

"We have class tomorrow." James dismissed him.

"Wow, all that time spent with McGonagall is really rubbing off on you, James."

"Remus. Do the charms, right now."

Sirius and Peter laughed and watched Remus as he charmed the piece of parchment and James joined in where he could. Soon the map was almost complete. They only had to create a cover page they all agree on. Peter suggested they name the map. While the idea was appreciated, the suggestion for a name "Peter, James, Remus and Sirius' Map of Hogwarts" was not. They might as well hand it to McGonagall and get expelled right after. James said they have to use code names and everyone agreed, while Remus suggested The Marauders' Map for the name and everyone cheered for him. Sirius knew he didn't quite forget when McGonagall scolded him in front of the whole class and called him a marauder, but he was grateful for it since they now have the perfect name.

Among yawns and eye rubs, Sirius was almost delirious with tiredness when it occurred to him.

"Our animal forms! Our nicknames should be those!" He was suddenly wide awake once more.

"Wolf, Dog, Stag and Rat welcome you to The Marauders Map? I don't think so." Remus shook his head.

"Oh, shut up, obviously not. Our nicknames should be based _on them._ " Sirius nodded.

They decided that Peter will come up with a nickname for James, James for Sirius, Sirius for Remus and Remus for Peter. After an hour long debate, and after suggestions such as "Antlers", "Muscley", "Fluffy", "Buddy", "Teddy" and "Vicious Beast", they decided on Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail. Remus instantly came up with Wormtail, much to Peter's dismay whose opinion was vetoed. Sirius deep down wished for an appropriate way to call Remus something related to the moon, because he found a daunting type of beauty that his life revolved around the moon. He gave a few false nicknames until he suggested Moony. Sirius had mixed feelings about Padfoot, but it was silly and Remus seemed to like it so he went with it. James thought Prongs made him manly so he agreed to it right away. They had a draw for the order the names will go on the map. Finally, Remus instructed Sirius to write:

_"Messrs moony wormtail padfoot and prongs are proud to present The Marauders' Map."_

After Sirius drew some design around it, Remus charmed the map to appear when they say "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" and tap it with the wand. In order to make it disappear, they had to say "Mischief Managed". Otherwise, it was instructed to insult anyone else who tried to open it any other way. When asked why he thought they were only going to do mischief with the map, Remus just shot them a look and they all retracted, because they knew he was right. Sirius felt that if he was to ever somehow have a child, he would feel less proud.

They realised that they missed breakfast and were about to miss Potions too. After hiding the map under Peter's bed, they dressed up sloppily (Sirius ended up with James' prefect robe), and made their way to class in a hurry, where they all fell asleep. It was an unfortunate day for the Gryffindor house points, but a win for the marauders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a longer chapter but i enjoyed writing every bit of it!! the marauders have finally come to be, i'm so excited for you to see what comes next.


	17. Chapter 17

Sirius, James and Peter decided to use the map rather than the cloak to exit Hogwarts after hours on the next full moon. The school was usually more on guard on these nights to ensure no one follows Remus out of curiosity. James guided his friends using the map to the shrieking shack through the secret exist. He saw Moony still in human form but his clothes were drenched in sweat and James could practically feel his anxiety.

Padfoot already changed into his animagus and started barking and running around in the cold shack, his fur glistening under the light dusk offered. This made all of them, including Remus, laugh. Sirius jumped into Remus' lap and started licking his face. Remus patted him and laughed more, outstretching his legs. Padfoot settled down in Moony's lap as he continued to rub his back. Peter watched amusedly and then turned into his rat once more (they used him to get past the whomping willow on their way here). It was only James now who had to transform but thought he would wait till Moony himself transformed. It must've hurt him to see them transform at their leisure and choice.

They both discussed their plans for the winter. James was going back home with Sirius and Remus missed his mother so he had to go back and see her. Padfoot looked up at Remus and licked his chin.

"How about you come have dinner with us on Christmas? You and your mum?" James suggested. His parents always threw a Christmas gathering. Peter always attended but Remus never did because his father always came back home on Christmas. However, last year he didn't and they both have a feeling that he won't this year either.

"That'd be great, thank you, Prongs." Remus paused for a few seconds. "You better change now."

James didn't argue because he knew Moony was already unsure of this whole set up. He changed and the stag clicked around the room and Padfoot jumped off of Moony's lap then started to run around Prongs in circles. Wormtail took a corner in fear of getting crushed.

"I hope you all know it won't be as fun in a few minutes."

Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail looked longingly and understandingly at him. Prongs heard it first. A crack that implied Moony was on his way to transformation. Everyone stepped back and watched the manic scene unfold. Remus looked up at the ceiling and howled. All looks of familiarity and kindness in Moony's eyes dissipated. He attacked Prongs first but James wouldn't let him. He used his strong and sturdy antlers to shove Moony half way across the room. He came back angrier once more at Prongs but went for the smallest animal instead. Wormtail froze for a second and Prongs grunted at him before the rat ran swiftly between Moony's leg. Padfoot slowly approached the werewolf. Moony's growls fainted slowly as Padfoot licked his legs. But after a minute of the weirdly affectionate scene, Moony howled once more and a throaty growl escaped him. Prongs was ready to attack Moony once more when he almost leaned down to bite Padfoot's head off. But surprisingly, Padfoot was able to stand on two limbs for a short while going into a combat with a much stronger Moony who pushed him and sent him flying across the room. Sirius took a few seconds to regain his strength back.

James was sure that this was the longest night of his life. It was hectic, painful and tiring. But it was worth it. Though they were all a bite shy from either becoming werewolves or dead, they still made it. It was fun creating new ways to distract Moony. They turned it into a game where they were able to confuse and manipulate him several times. Not many people could say they transformed into animals, and even a fewer amount, possibly only three, could say they used their powers to run around with a werewolf during the full moon. James liked being special with his friends. He liked the rush and the craziness of it all and when he reached the dorm and saw his beloved bed, he decided he didn't want it any other way.

* * *

Remus came back from the hospital wing earlier than usual. With his friends there during last transformation, he didn't have to spend the whole night agonising himself. They gave him something else to focus on. He didn't remember much but he was reassured that they were all okay several times, despite a limp Sirius was trying too hard to hide. They told him the worst was a few cuts and bruises that they were able to heal themselves. He walked into the dormitory late the next night. Unlike a lot of other previous nights, they were all fast asleep. Remus sat down slowly on his bed and couldn't help but smile, though he didn't know why.

On their walk from Defence Against the Dark Arts to the library on a Friday, Sirius seemed to be deep in thought so Remus asked him what was busying his mind.

"I'm wondering about your Christmas gift actually." Sirius said as he chewed on a nail.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Christmas is in two weeks, I know, but I think I have to give it to you before we go back."

"Why?" Remus knew Sirius wasn't going to tell him but he thought he might as well ask.

"You'll know in time! Now go on, you don't wanna be late." Sirius waved at him and half walked half limped into his class.

Remus spent the last hour of class before winter break wondering what the gift might be and why Padfoot had to give it to him before they left. Then he started thinking about what he'll get Sirius. He had to put a lot of thought into a meaningful gift that met his low budget. He was already spending over two galleons to attend a concert of a band he didn't like just for Sirius. Had he had more money, he would have loved to give Padfoot so much more. But he didn't, so he had to make do with what was available.

Professor Dill wrote a complicated equation on the board which Remus swiftly worked through then started writing in the margins.

" _If you can't gain the strength_  
_If you want it to end_  
_Look at the stars and see_  
_You'll find me_ "

Remus read the words over and over then he started humming instead of vocalising them. A song. Remus decided he will write him a song.

* * *

That night, Sirius told Remus not to fall asleep because he were to give him his gift at midnight. They used the cloak to go into the abandoned girl bathroom on the second floor. Sirius promised he'd strip for Moaning Myrtle if she left them for the night , a promise he fully intended to keep.

"So that Christmas gift I promised you..." Sirius said as he closed then locked the door behind them.

"You're giving it to me... In a an abandoned bathroom? Should I be scared? Oh god I don't like where this is going." Remus blinked quickly.

"Shut up, Moony." Sirius rolled his eyes and sat down on the ground, pulling Remus down with him. "This required magic so it's why I have to do it before we left for winter break. But first, how much do you trust me?"

"I'm with you in the dead of night in a locked abandoned bathroom haunted by ghost. How much do you think I trust you?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I see your point. Fine then, give me your wrist." Sirius tied his hair back then held his hand out and Remus very slowly turned his wrist upwards, placing it in Sirius' hand.

It took a couple of hours of advanced wand-work for Sirius to tattoo in ethereal and slightly animated detail the eight phases of the moon on the middle of Remus' wrist. Once he finished drawing one phase, he charmed it to vanish so he could draw the one that followed. He then charmed all of them to be in sync with the real moon, so Remus' wrist showed the actual current phase of the moon. Tonight, it was a glossy gibbous. Sirius spent the first half of December befriending Flitwick and was somehow able to gain all the information he needed to finish this artwork. He'd been planning it for an even longer time and now it was executed to perfection and he was extremely proud of it. He brushed Remus' wrist with his thumb then looked up at him only to be met with stunned eyes.

"Oh god. You hate it." Sirius widened his eyes and started breathing quickly.

"W-What, no, Padfoot, don't be silly! I... I'm _in love_ with it! This is– Oh my god, I don't even know what to say, you're so creative and talented, Sirius, I love it, I could never top that, no one could ever top that, I love–"

Sirius knew he was compuslive. When he received an anonymous package one day in Ilvermorny with an odd looking food and a note saying "enjoy", he ate it right away. When he ran away, he didn't have a long master plan, he just did it. When he knew Remus was a werewolf who needed help, he instantly decided to be an animagus. However, out of a list of irrational and impulsive decisions, kissing Remus on a cold December night on a dirty bathroom floor must have topped the list.

He could've sworn Moony kissed him back for a split second before pulling back and whispering, "what the fuck?" Sirius felt his heart at his throat and was suddenly too conscious of his breathing.

"Sirius..." Remus shakes his head a bit and slowly pulled his hand back from Sirius' hand. "I don't.. I'm not.."

Sirius felt his pale face turn into a fiery red, with a burning sensation of embarrassment, what could be classified as heartbreak, and fury. He was embarrassed because he just kissed someone who was not interested and seemed like he couldn't be. He was heartbroken because he had strong feelings for his best friend and though he had the highest hopes it was mutual, he had just gotten rejected in the worst way possible. He was first furious at Lily for lying to him that Remus was gay, then furious at himself for not realising she obviously made the lie up to hide his lycanthropy.

He didn't know what to say or do that would make this better or less awkward. He was sure he had just ruined his relationship with Moony and possibly the other two boys too. He slowly retracted his legs away from Remus so they were no longer touching. Remus was just as quiet and as if it was rehearsed, they stood up at the same time.

"I'm really sorry. I hope this doesn't change anything." Sirius mumbled quietly and suggested they should get some sleep before they have to take the Hogwarts express back to London tomorrow.

* * *

Lily settled down with Marlene and Alice in a carriage and as soon as the train started moving, they were joined by a sullen-faced Sirius.

"Can I stay here with you?" He asked quietly.

"Of course, come here." She slid closer to the window so he could sit next to her.

"I'm going to find Frank." Alice said and left the cabin. Lily and Sirius watched Marlene.

"Just ask me to leave and I will, you know?"

"Can we have a bit of privacy Marlene?" Lily rolled her eyes as she spoke.

"Sure." Marlene smiled a wide smile and left behind Alice.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Lily asked, placing a hand on his knee.

"I miss you, we haven't talked properly in so long. There's so much I want to tell you." Sirius sighed and hugged her.

She hugged him back and reassured him that she was all ears. He took a while describing all the pranks they made, and the map they constructed. He described how each of his friends was unique, and the reason he love them. He told her about other incidents that happened, like Remus buying him a mug she didn't quite understand from Zonko's, and dancing with Remus, walking with him to the library every Friday and Remus comforting him and sharing his beloved chocolate with him after Sirius' fight. She noticed Remus come up too often, though she mostly saw Sirius and James tied to the hip in public. The way he talked about Remus too was different to the way he talked about James and, of course, Peter.

"Sirius, are you trying to tell me something?" Lily asked and furrowed her eyebrows.

"That I have the world's most biggest crush on Remus and he's not gay like you said because we both know what he really is and it's the first turn I feel this way about anyone so I kissed him and he rejected me? If that's what you meant, then yes, that's what I'm trying to say." Sirius said as he throw his head back and sighed loudly.

"Oh god."

"I know."

"This is bad."

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

"I used the word "crush", do you really think I am?"

"Really, Sirius..."

"No, Lily, I'm not. My heart hurts, I really liked him. I mean, I still do. But like, screw my feelings, I don't want to lose him as a friend and I think I just did. And it just sucks so much. You never really know how much it sucks till you experience it for the first time." Sirius' shoulders slumped and that's when Lily realised how hard it must be on him.

"Well, you just said it yourself. It's your first time, Sirius. You'll fall in love again and again till you find the right one for you."

"In love?! Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Lilian."

"Whatever." Lily rolled her eyes. "But you know what I mean. And you and Remus are too great of friends to let this come between you. Just talk to him about it, it's better than making it awkward."

Sirius put a fight and decided that no way in hell, heaven or anything in between, he would talk to Remus about the kiss or anything else. The train arrived at the station as Sirius and Lily finished eating. They said their goodbyes and promised to meet soon. Lily found her parents waiting for her at the gates and she rushed into their arms for the first time since her first year. They reached home and Lily felt her chest tighten at the sight of Snape's house. She quickly walked inside and she saw her sister in the living room.

"Welcome home, freak." She hissed quietly and Lily formed a fist of her hand. "I want my money back soon."

"You'll get it soon." Lily said through gritted teeth.

"Do you even have money? I'll tell mum and dad if you don't pay me back!" Petunia was frowning too harshly an unsightly vein was popping at her forehead. Lily just giggled at it and plopped at the seat, taking the remote control from her sister.

After showering and having dinner with her family, she could finally lie down in her bed and curl up in her Christmas jumper Sirius sent last year from America while drinking her mother's renowned hot chocolate and reading Animal Farm by George Orwell. It was a short book and she was able to finish it in a few hours. Between finishing her book and falling asleep, Lily thought of what Sirius told her on the train. Not much about the part to do with Remus, but about finding love, or like, as Sirius would probably call it. The way he spoke about him, and spending time with him like he was all that mattered to him. The way he felt so heartbroken because it was unrequited – it's sad, but it shows the strength of Sirius' feelings.

She wondered if she were ever going to find hers. She was a young witch with a full life ahead of her, and she shouldn't worry now, but she did. She saw people in love in Hogwarts everyday and deep down she knew she wanted to be like them.

The next morning, she received a formal invitations from the Potters for Christmas, and a note attached from Sirius asking her to "please come". In the evening, sent back an owl telling them to reserve be her a spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually think I revolved most of the story around Sirius giving Remus this tattoo omg


	18. Chapter 18

Remus sat on his bed during Christmas Eve wondering about what he pushed away ever since he came back from Hogwarts. Had he lead Sirius on? How and when? When they danced? Walking him to the library every Friday? Buying him that stupid mug? Why did Remus get so scared more than shocked or confused when he thought of the kiss? Were things going to change? Will Sirius not be there in the new moons? How were they supposed to move past it? He wished they could just forget it and go back to the way they were.

Sirius' Christmas gift was a verse long and Remus didn't know how to finish it. He knew he had the words, and he certainly had all the time, but he didn't know if he wanted to finish it, or if Sirius even wanted to hear it. But he knew he had to. This was all Remus could give Sirius for Christmas. Sirius, his intelligent, brave and loyal friend. His friend who changed and risked his whole life just for him. They were Padfoot and Moony before Sirius kissed Remus. He was just irrational and it was the spur of the moment. James owled Remus two days ago telling him that both him and Padfoot are excited to see him on Christmas. It was all going to be alright. They just had to learn to move past it and the song was the first step.

The next evening Remus and his mother went to the Potter Manor. Before they entered the brightly lit house, his mother took sometime to regain her strength. She was conscious about her appearance and Remus ensured her over and over that she was beautiful and that James' parents though rich, were not materialistic.

Mrs. Potter opened the door for them and hugged Remus then spent ten minutes talking to his mum just on the door. Remus wished there was a polite way he could tell her his mother needed water and rest. Eventually, she did get both those things as Mrs. Potter invited them inside. Remus asked his mother if she needed anything and when he was sure she was in good company, he left to find James, Sirius and Peter. James mum told him she'll find James and all of his invitees in his room. To Remus' surprise, three people were in the bedroom. But unlike their dorm at Hogwarts, James, Sirius and Lily were sat around in a circle playing Gobstones.

"Well this is a sight for sore eyes." Remus said then smiled at everyone. Sirius face lit up for a few seconds before he looked away and pushed around his stone.

"Finally, someone with a bit of sensibility." Lily grinned back at Remus.

"MOONYYYY!" James tackled Remus in a tight hug. After years of practice, Remus finally knew how not to fall over when he was on he receiving end of these.

Remus laughed and returned the hug. "Happy Christmas, Prongs."

"Moony and Prongs? Why do you guys have nicknames for each other?" Lily crosses her arms. "And why is Potter's nickname Prongs? Actually, don't answer. I don't care. Merry Christmas, Remus!" Lily cheerfully said.

"You too, Lily." Remus hesitated at first but hugged Lily and was relieved that she returned it with warmth.

The last time Remus had seen Sirius this quiet was after the Lucius, Snape and Narcissa incident. As if James read his mind, he cleared his throat. "How come you two are not all over each other?" This confirmed Remus' hunch that Sirius didn't tell James about the kiss.

"I just missed you too much, James, I thought I'd give all my attention to you." Remus rolled his eyes then smiled at Sirius genuinely whose breathing was audibly shallow.

"Happy Christmas, Padfoot." If the choice of hugging or not hugging Lily was hard, making that same choice with Sirius was impossible.

"Merry Christmas." Sirius nodded and smiled a much weaker smile.

"We just have to wait for Peter to exchange presents!" James exclaimed.

"Your mother said dinner first, James." Sirius warned and James chucked a pillow at him.

Peter came half an hour later in the middle of Remus' third Gobstones round. He was a lot more shocked to see Lily than Remus. He turned red and flustered, partially because he didn't get her a gift, and partially because Peter hadn't the slightest idea of how to act around the opposite gender.

Everyone headed to dinner as Remus' stomach was grumbling. His mother said they'd better not have breakfast so they could have dinner but he knew she was trying to ration food because Remus, whose appetite was larger than his three friends' combined, was back for a whole month. Him, James, Lily, Sirius and Peter had a separate table set for them. They had their own large turkey. The table was laden with other dishes such as mashed potatoes, roast beef, salads, rice and Brussels sprouts. The aroma of the different dishes danced its way into Remus' strong sense of smell.

"I told my mum you're vegetarian, so she made you this. It's really yummy, probably better than all these dishes! It's all yours." James addressed Lily as he uncovered a small white pot of vegetable stew.

"Oh. Thank you, you didn't have to." Lily said quietly and gratefully.

"What if I wanna have from Mrs. Potter's stew?!" Sirius whined.

"You won't, you pig, this is Lily's!" James hit Sirius' hand that was about to scoop stew.

They all devoured their dinner, went for second helpings, dessert then tea. Remus doesn't remember the last time he ate so much. Though in Hogwarts he doesn't hide his love for food, but he usually doesn't have enough time to eat as much as he wishes. He savoured every bite and didn't care when he finished last while everyone waited for him. They all thanked James' parents for the meal then went back to his room for gifts.

Peter went first. He gave Sirius a newly released shampoo that magically keeps black hair luscious and shiny for a whole week. When James pointed out it was meant for girls, Sirius said that meant it was all the better. He got James a poster book of his favourite quidditch team (Remus was sure James had at least five editions of these). Finally, he got Remus a musky cologne. Remus wasn't sure if he should feel offended.

Lily went next. She got James a magical disinfectant and cleaning spray for his glasses. She said they were always dirty and foggy and using this spray once every morning meant he could even wear them while playing quidditch and they wouldn't get dirty. She handed Peter a book titled "How to Be Confident". She got Remus a sweater from an expensive-looking muggle brand called John Lewis. Finally, Sirius received a Rocky Horror Picture Show VCR and a beautiful velvet-cover of Pride and Prejudice with a drawing of the fictional Mr. Darcy inside.

James exchanged his gifts next. He got Peter a magical thesaurus that showed you at least 10 alternatives to whatever words you write in it – Peter was advised by more than three professors that he had to diversify his vocabulary. He got Remus the most thoughtful gift he received yet – after Sirius' tattoo, which was another kind of beautiful. James got Remus a guitar. Unlike muggle ones Remus had used before, this one was enchanted meaning that if you are even minimally skilled, the guitar tweaks the notes together so they sound a lot better.

"I didn't know you played guitar. I didn't know you even had musical knowledge." Remus' heart sped up as Sirius talked to him.

"My mum taught me. She used to play." Remus didn't feel like going into details about his family life, explaining how when his father started to disappear much longer than he used to, his mother fell ill and stopped playing guitar, then enjoying life all at once.

"That's really cool, Moony."

Remus hated himself for smiling that much.

James continued by giving Lily a photo album titled "Lily's Milestones" that was lily flower-themed. Inside, James had a few pictures of Lily at different ages, describing her biggest achievements at each she underneath. Remus could imagine how much James had to bribe Lily's friends to get these pictures. Finally, James handed Sirius a piece of parchment. Sirius read through it his expression unreadable. He didn't comment, but just hugged James for a few moments too long.

Remus went next. He gave Peter a planner in hope of lessening the burden on himself as Peter's talking reminders. He gave James a small basket full of a few of his favourite candy, two new Gambol and Japes tricks and a broom cleaning supply. He sheepishly apologised to Lily then asked Sirius if he could give him his gift later, and Sirius didn't seem to mind.

Finally, Sirius gave out his presents. He got Lily a bouquet of lilies, a frighteningly accurate non-magical portrait of her, and a notebook full of inside jokes and doodles that no one else got. He got Peter A Taste of the World's Cheeses. It was a book that entailed every kind of cheese there is and ever was. They all had to hear him go on for fifteen minutes about how much he wanted this book while everyone was attempting to kill Sirius with stares. Finally, he gave James a large glazed ceramic mug. It's exterior was sculpted into looking like Prongs I'm stag form. Large ceramic antlers stood on either side of the mug. It was coloured in great detail that it felt like James was actually looking at them from the mug.

"What about Moony?" James asked in shock.

"I already gave him his gift." Sirius' tone was almost full of spite. Remus wished the memory of this night was a lot better than it turned out to be. He glanced at his tattoo that was now turning into a third quarter. He felt Padfoot's eyes on him.

James asked him about the gift and Remus showed them the tattoo. Sirius explained how it worked. Everyone praised Sirius on his skills and thought into the gift and Remus felt lien he wanted to disappear.

* * *

 "The acoustics are better here." Remus explained to Sirius why he had to give him his gift in the bathroom too. Sirius would have rather received a gift in front of everyone than having to spend another awkward moment with him.

"Okay." Sirius said as he sat in the empty bathtub while Remus closed the toilet lid and sat on it as a chair. He positioned his new guitar on his lap and strummed a few strings.

"The guitar obviously wasn't part of my plan, but it's a great addition." Remus explained and Sirius nodded.

Truthfully, Sirius was happy. He wouldn't admit it out loud in case he jinxed himself but he was. He was surrounded by his closest friends and family, whom he can now finally and truly call a family. James' gift to Sirius was an official deceleration from the ministry that Sirius was disowned from the Blacks, and though he was still to carry their name, his official guardians were now Fleamont and Euphemia Potter. Which meant that technically, James was now his brother. Sirius' trail of thought was cut sharp by Remus singing the first few lines to a song, which Sirius soon realised was Remus' own composition. His voice was soulful and raspy.

" _If you can't gain the strength_  
If you want it to end  
Look at the stars and see  
You'll find me"

The song had more verses, but these lines stood out the most for a while until Moony strummed the finishing lines.

" _The night sky is wide and dark,_  
It's so easy to be lost,  
But don't forget cause you just might,  
That the stars and the moon shed us light,  
Though we always want to put up a fight,  
It's time to let our souls ignite,  
And if we might think we're alone, at least we're alone together."

Sirius blinked quickly, trying to push back the tears where they came from. The song was beautiful. He couldn't believe someone had taken the time to dedicate a piece so thoughtful and wonderful to him. He couldn't understand how was he to live with himself knowing that this person wouldn't return his feelings. Sirius felt he was a fool, because he was so sure Moony at least slightly liked him but he didn't, or said that he didn't, and now he was singing such a heartfelt song for him and Sirius didn't know what to do with himself so he just said "no."

"No?" Remus looked puzzled.

"No, Remus. I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Sirius hated himself for tearing up but he did. "Your song is so fucking beautiful that I can't bring myself into acting like that I'm just accepting it and that I'm listening to it as a friend because I'm not, because _I can't_. I hope you understand, but I just need some time to... Be okay with this." Sirius looked away from the pale boy sitting in front of him. Everyday he discovers different layers in Remus and he hated that, he just wanted the feelings to go away. "I don't want things to change, but maybe less dancing to Fly Me to the Moon, and giving tattoos and songs in return to each other."

"Okay. If that's what you want." Remus said understandably.

"It is what I want."

"Then you have yourself a deal."

* * *

 James woke Sirius up early one morning and was met by a series of curses and swears. They had three days left for school and Sirius asked James to let him get all the "beauty sleep" he could get. James felt that Sirius was avoiding him for more reasons, but he didn't stress on it.

"Remus needs us, Sirius." James knew that this was what would spring Sirius awake, and he was right.

"Is he okay?" Sirius asked as he wiped his eyes.

"No. He said he'll explain more when we get to his house."

Both boys got dressed and left the  
manor before they even had breakfast. They got lost on the way but eventually reached Remus' house. James had only ever visited twice and one of them, his parents had Apparated with him. The knocked and waited for a few seconds before Remus welcomed them in.

Remus' house was undeniably small, and humble. It was darkly lit and barely furnished. It was also cold and eerie. James tried to hide his realisations but Remus seemed too distracted to feel even self conscious. He led them to his room. Unlike James' personalised one, Remus' had a closet, bed, nightstand and a mostly shattered and dirty mirror. James and Sirius took a seat on Remus' bed while he paced the room back and forth.

"Moony, what's wrong?" James asked concernedly. Remus stopped in his tracks and looked at the both of them.

"I was out getting groceries from the store downtown. I saw my dad with another woman. I didn't jump to conclusions, so I just followed them out." Remus spoke softly. James' gut wrenched in fear of what's next. "He has a whole other life." Remus shook his head slightly and looked between both of his friends. "There were two children, I don't even know if they were his but they both ran into his arms once they got home." Remus' Adam's apple bobbed, making James realise his agony.

"Remus..." Sirius' chest deflated. "I'm... This is so fucked up. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve him, he left you two, he's not the great person you might think he is."

"I don't care, he's still my dad!" Remus shouted then he punched the wall. He groaned in pain and grabbed his hand and Sirius was suddenly on the edge of the bed. He asked if he was okay and Remus continued shouting.

"I'M NOT! He left because of me! My mom... She's like this because of me." Remus whimpered out of his hand's pain and sat on the ground on his knees. James and Sirius sat next to him.

"Just like you didn't lie to me, I won't lie to you. He did leave because of you, Remus. But he chose that, he chose the easy way out over staying with his son and his wife. He's a coward, but you're not, Remus. You're brave and you've managed all these years without him and you will continue to! Same with your mother. It's not all as terrible as you think it is." Sirius explained.

"You have so many people beside your dad you can count on and the two main ones are right in this room with you. I'll let my parents check on your mother when we're away from now on. Also while you don't have to do it now, I recommend you face your father." James carried on the advice.

"I can't, I won't. I can't even look at him right now." Remus shook his head vigorously.

"Fine, not now, but later. And did you tell your mum?"

Remus shook his head again.

"Good. Keep it that way." As awful as it sounded, Remus' mother didn't have much to live for, or any strength to live with. James could only wonder what damage this might have done to her.

"Chin up, lads. We'll go back to Hogwarts in a few days and things will make so much more sense soon."

"Do they ever?" Sirius asked.

"I highly doubt it." Remus shook his head.


	19. Chapter 19

Sirius wanted payback. He had all this boiled up anger in him and he wanted to take it out on someone. Remus' tattoo showed him that there was a week left to the full moon. He knew how he was going to use that to his advantage, and for the first time, he didn't tell anyone what he was up to.

Gideon Prewett asked Sirius and Lily to meet him in the library Saturday noon to study for an upcoming potions test. He'd been spending more time with Gideon since they came back from Christmas break because it was the best excuse to stay from Remus. He also never realised that Gideon was actually cool. He was fun to talk to and knew all about jokes, tricks and enjoyed muggle literature.

Lily and Sirius met up in the common room and walked together to the library. Gideon was already immersed into his notes. They took a seat next to him as he greeted them.

"Where's Fabian?" Lily asked.

"We have different study schedules. We're testing to see if say I study potions while he's studying transfiguration, it'll be easier for me to study transfiguration and him potions." Gideon said with a wide smile and Sirius laughed.

"So you're testing telepathy?" Sirius could feel Lily holding back her eye roll.

"Sort of. So potions?" Gideon looked back at his notes

They had an intensive studying session and established that Lily was the best in potions so she set them questions and told them that she will go to the bathroom till they were done. Sirius was wondering about the three potions that require Flitterbloom when Gideon cleared his throat and called his name.

"Yeah?" Sirius looked up.

"Nothing."

"No, seriously, what?!"

"Never mind, honestly!"

"Fine." Sirius shook his head and went back to his questions.

On the night of the full moon, Sirius' plan was in motion. He left Snape a message in potions near his cauldron, telling to meet him by the Whomping Willow fifteen minutes before the full moon so they can "settle this once and for all". As the marauders waited for the werewolf to transform, Sirius turned back from his animagus form telling them that he felt like he misplaced the map and he will be back soon and no one stopped him because the map was too precious.

Once he was out of their sight, Sirius transformed back into Padfoot and made his way to Snape who was pacing near the deadly tree. Sirius approached him and growled at the greasy-haired boy. Snape attempted to shoo the dog away but Sirius grabbed onto his foot and dragged him into the secret tunnel. Snape yelled for help which only made Sirius tighten his teeth into his leg. They reached the shrieking shack just in time for the both of them to watch Remus transform. Sirius watched intently as Snape screamed in horror.

Wormtail stepped back from the scene and Prongs froze. Remus ran towards Snape then Sirius realised what was about to unfold. He pulled Snape back by the leg and Prongs finally registered the scene. He ran towards Remus, shoving and pinning him onto the wall, giving Sirius a chance to save Snape. Sirius switched the legs he pulled Snape to save him from severe damage on the other one. He dropped Snape safely at the castle doors then ran back to the shrieking shack.

Once Remus and the others transformed back, they all stared at Sirius. James was the one who attacked him first, pushing his shoulders.

"WHAT THE FUCK, SIRIUS?!" Sirius never heard heard James so angry. He didn't sound that livid even when he was threatening to deduct a hundred points from Gryffindor when Sirius was paralysed on the ground.

"I don't know... I don't know, I didn't think it through." Sirius grimaced and looked away.

"How... How could you do that to me? Do you understand what I would have had to live with if your little stunt worked out?" Remus sounded frustrated and scared.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't think it through, I wanted him to get a taste of his medicine, I thought we could laugh about this!" Sirius spoke optimistically and Peter shook his head warningly.

"Does it look like I'm laughing, Sirius?!" James was shaking. "Snape now knows, Sirius. You're going to be the one who shuts him up and you're going to be the one who takes all the blame if the ugly git lets out anything to anyone. Get it?" James spoke through gritted teeth.

"I'll fix this. I swear." Sirius said sincerely.

"It's not an option that you don't." By this, James turned around and walked away with the other boys.

Sirius met up with Snape in an empty classroom the next day, since his leg was being healed on the first.

"You won't tell anyone about what you saw yesterday." Sirius spoke quickly.

"Ha! And miss a chance to get back at you? Have you ANY idea what you did to me? You and your little friend almost killed me!" Snape spat.

"Snape, I will tell everyone what I saw in your house last summer. I forbid you to tell anyone!" Sirius' voice slightly rose.

"You have no proof." Snape snarled.

"You really want Lily to hate you more, Snivellus?" Sirius raised his eyebrows challengingly. When Snape didn't reply, Sirius knew he won the argument.

He told his friends that he was sure that Snape wasn't going to tell anyone. James went to Quidditch practice, Remus to the library and Peter to take a shower. Getting the feeling that they might not want to be around him for what could be another day, or another life time, Sirius wandered into the common room.

* * *

Remus stayed a long time in the library. He borrowed James' cloak and the map to help him stay after hours. He'd been studying relentlessly for his OWLs from now because he had to exceed. He thought of what Sirius did once again then he sighed. The world was bound to know his true nature, but he wanted to keep it hidden as long as possible and it became harder everyday. It felt as if Sirius was giving him more reasons to stay away from him.

They barely interacted since school started except when Sirius would check on him. They all did that a lot after they found out about Remus' dad's affair. As he wrote an essay for History of Magic, his mine wondered about the children he saw. Did he had siblings that he didn't know of? Remus' only wish was a life easier than his, but that was asking to change everything. He wondered what could make it better, and for a short while it truly was, but now everything was starting to get dark again.

Remus was passing the empty common room and had to do a double take at the fire place. He wasn't sure why but his heart sank. It shouldn't have, but it did, and he didn't know why because he technically allowed this to happen. Gideon Prewett sat up against the wall near the firewall and Sirius straddled his waist, both kissing each other passionately. Remus felt extremely uncomfortable and thanked the heavens that their eyes were closed. He slowly walked into the dorm and sat down on his bed and cried. James just sat next to him and that was comforting enough.

The next day they all came back to the dorm early for the first time in a month. They were tired and each one sat on his bed. It was quiet, but comfortingly so.

"Do you guys want me to transfer to another dorm? I can ask McGonagall."

"What?" Remus asked.

"Of course not, Sirius!" Peter gasped.

"You idiot. Is running away your answer to everything?" James said and sat up. "We're all best friends. You and me are brothers. You'll make stupid things and we'll get mad at each other for them, but we don't let each other go. You come with a lot of baggage and you toss and turn and even cry in your sleep, Sirius. You're too cocky. And your taste in music is shit. Yet we all.. Love you. We had to be mad and you can't act like the victim because you know what you did was wrong. But we're not your parents. Do you get all of this?"

"I get it." Sirius said quietly.

"Good. Now go to sleep, all of you." James ordered and turned off the lights.

* * *

"We've just been spending a lot of time together since we came back. Even more so when this one thing happened, James, Remus and Peter got really mad at me so I would even hang out with him more. And we sort of... Kisses two nights ago. Not just like a kiss. But like, a kiss kiss, Lily. And a few more after that"

"Oh my god, Sirius!" Lily smiled, happy that he's finally moved on. Lily had known Gideon for five years now. He was one of the more decent people in Gryffindor, unlike James for example. "He'll treat you right. You two will be great for each other. Oh god, I need to talk to him and set some things straight." Lily spoke excitedly.

"I don't know, Lil. We just kissed a few times, we're not like going out or anything. None of us asked the other out."

"Why don't you ask him out to the next Hogsmeade trip?"

"Maybe. I should, shouldn't I?"

"You should!"

"I will."

"I have to ask... You're not using him as a rebound, are you, Sirius? Your feelings for Remus... They're gone?"

When Sirius didn't reply, she knew his answer.

"No, Sirius, this is wrong!" Lily shrieked at him.

"Lily, I'm learning to get over him! Gideon is just helping me get there."

"Well you should tell him you have feelings for someone else, then, if you think it's okay."

"He doesn't have to know, because we're not dating!" He argued back.

"Whatever, Sirius. Just at least ask him out to Hogsmeade." Just as Lily finished talking, Gideon and Fabian walked into the common room and Sirius asked Gideon to go with him. She could see the excitement in Gideon's eyes and she wished she could tell him.

The next week, everyone in the third year and up went to Hogsmeade. Lily and spent her time looking around Honeydukes and the clothing shop with Marlene and Alice. While Alice and Frank went on a date in Madame Puddifoot's, her and Marlene went to have lunch in the Three Broomsticks. James, Peter and Remus were missing Sirius so she knew he was somewhere else with Gideon and she slightly felt relieved because he was able to maintain a date for that long.

Later when she met up with Alice again, she told her her friend Sirius was in Madame Puddifoot's. When Lily asked for more details, Alice told her they almost got kicked out for showing too much public displays of affection, but when Gideon told the old lady that she wouldn't like a reputation for being prejudiced, she stepped down.

She started reading too much into the whole situation, wondering if Sirius and Gideon could have a future together when he still had feelings for Remus, or whether Sirius and Remus could ever work, and if Alice and Frank would get married soon, then she realised that she was just projecting. Lily was busying herself with everyone else's life because she was stressed out about her own. She did some breathing exercises and for some reason Christmas day at the Potters crossed her mind.

* * *

"How was your date?" James teased Sirius in their dorm after they came back from Hogsmeade. After three weeks of being mad at him, he just wanted his friend back.

"None of your business." Sirius grinned and threw a pillow at him.

"Did you two kiiiiiss?" Peter laughed.

"If you guys ask one more question you will get a really detailed coverage of the date. It'll be really... Hard, for you." Sirius smirked at them then James threw the pillow back at Sirius.

"You're disgusting." James rolled his eyes, but he was undeniably happy for Sirius, who had been completely out of himself recently. Instead, Remus was recently awfully quiet and sulked the whole time. It felt like James had to balance between making two of them feel better. But they were always there for him, so he didn't complain, and wouldn't.

Sirius excused himself for a shower. The other three changed into their pyjamas and ate Honeydukes candy. James was reaching for an endlessly-sticky toffee when Sirius screamed from the bathroom. All of them dropped everything and busted into the bathroom. James squinted and covered his eyes instantly. Sirius stood with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was staring at himself in the mirror in utter horror. James didn't know what to say to make it better. Sirius' hair was not just shiny. It looked like a black reflective, glossy mirror with really bright spots where the light hit it.

"PETER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sirius roared.

Everyone stood quiet for a few moments then they all burst out laughing, not including Sirius, of course.

"I'm sorry, Sirius!" Peter said between laughs. "I had no idea the shampoo was so literal!"

Sirius had to walk around with a bun and his hair under a pointed hat that was a size too small for him. He looked absolutely ridiculous and James finally fully forgave him.


	20. Chapter 20

The months rolled on and March came in with a boost of colours in the great outdoors. The cold didn't completely cease, but the trees were coming back to life and snow melted then evaporated into nothing. Remus and James' birthdays came in the first week. Though on separate days, still they all decided to have a gathering for them by the end of the week. Sirius planned it singlehandedly. He was more excited than both James and Remus combined. Remus was grateful for that because for the last couple of months, their relationship deteriorated. They barely spent time together anymore and while that meant that Remus' life went back to normal, when he didn't have Sirius in it, it was just awful. It felt like he knew Sirius for a life time, and spending so little time with him was very unsettling. Even their cherished walks to the library came to an end.

Remus was now walking into the Gryffindor common room with James at six o'clock as instructed. Almost every Gryffindor student in their year, including Gideon, shouted "Happy Birthday!". James greeted and thanked everyone in person. Remus gave a speech followed by a toast. Sirius was able to get them a stock of Firewhiskey and Butterbeer for the birthday. Remus also guessed that Sirius commanded the house elves to create each one a cake. James' cake was vanilla. It was three tiers long. The cake was clean and delicate leaves were drawn on the rims. At the top of the cake were two large frozen caramel antlers. Remus' cake was chocolate. It was coated by a purposefully messy, glossy chocolate frosting. He knew it was supposed to resemble fur. At the bottom of each tier, the 8 phases of the moon made out of white chocolate were neatly placed. And at the very top tier, different shapes which Remus recognised as constellations where sprayed on with a glittery substance. Remus felt himself smile as he spotted Canis Major.

They sang Happy Birthday and blew the candles out first thing. Not many people got gifts, and those who did obviously just found something old they wanted to give away. Except for Remus and James' close friends of course. They both decided to open the gifts after the party.

"Happy birthday, Remus!" Sirius said with a wide smile. "Aw, you've caught up to my age, finally."

"Sirius, I might have physically caught up with you, but I'm mentally light years ahead of you." Remus rolled his eyes and smiled back, excited that for about the banter.

"Physically caught up with me?" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You really wanna go there, tall-n-lanky?"

"Padfoot, the only exercise you ever do is throwing pillows at Wormtail so he can give you his candy."

"Touché," is what Sirius attempted to say, but "tooshy" is what came out. Remus laughed loudly because he knew that Sirius knew French better than all members of the school combined.

"You just proved my point, Black. You have a long way to go." Remus punched his shoulder jokingly.

Sirius had to leave soon because responsible of music, of course. He stood near the turntable at most times. He talked to many people, but mostly Gideon. They ate cake from the same plate. They clinked their Firewhiskey glasses after every refill. They were flirty, and happy.

Instead of making himself incomprehensibly jealous, Remus got himself cake. James was busy talking to his quidditch team friends and Peter was stuck playing pin the tail on the donkey. He found Lily sat with Marlene and he joined them.

"Happy birthday, Remus! Oh my god the jumper!" Lily giggled as she hugged Remus.

"Thank you, Lily! And yeah, I didn't wear it so far so I thought I might as well leave it for my birthday." He hugged back then pulled away, thanking at Marlene who wished him a happy birthday.

Since they both didn't know each other too well, the spoke about school endeavours. Lily was an intelligent witch, and overall person. He understood what Lily loved about her. They had the same opinions and made fun about Sirius for the same things.

"And what's he matter with his hair? It's like he keeps gold up that thing why can't anyone touch it?!" Remus complained as he sipped on lukewarm butterbeer.

"He's always been like that! It's terrible." They laughed in sync then when their laughter died down Remus cleared his throat.

"Don't you ever wonder how he never cracked under his parents' pressure? I mean... I've never heard of a Black doing what he did. How was a family of monsters able to make someone so pure?" Remus asked.

"I think this goes to show that we choose the people we want to be. We have the option of doing the right or the wrong thing. Sirius chose to be a good person. And though many before him might have gotten close enough to that, they just weren't as brave." Lily shrugged.

"That's right." Remus agreed.

"He's special."

"He is."

* * *

Everyone around Sirius seemed to be studying relentlessly for their OWLs. Contrarily, he wasn't worried. He studied with friends when they wanted to revise in groups, but other than that, Sirius wasn't one to spend nights cramming in. Once he was told the information in class, it stayed in his brain. Of course, that meant he had to concentrate all the time, and he obviously didn't, but he knew he could get at least an Exceeds Expectations in all of his subjects. But he was also confident in some than others. He was expecting an Outstanding in Transfiguration, Astronomy, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts. He could have gotten it in Potions and Herbology if he tried harder. Muggle Studies was confusing, even to his excellent memory so he didn't have his hopes high. Finally, he was sure he was going to fail History of Magic. The one subject that required the most memorising was the most boring and Sirius just refused to put in the effort.

He was sure that Remus and James didn't sleep. They studied all day, and at night they exchanged sleeping shifts. One would study for two hours while the other sleeps, then he would wake up the other and sleep for two hours while the other studies. However Sirius would hear them mumbling spells in their sleep. After three days, he casted silencing charms on their beds.

Their first exam was Potions. Sirius struggled to remember a few questions on the theoretical exam, but it wasn't an issue because it was no match to exams Lily forced him to do. The practical test was also easy. He imagined Lily working swiftly a few rows from him as he was asked to brew a calming potion. He felt like it was sadistic of the examiner to ask them to brew the potion they need the most and not let them have it.

Sirius worked hard on Transfiguration. Though he was sure he knew all the answers and spells, it was the only exam he actually revised. He was sure he failed History of Magic. He could have passed it if he tried, but most of the content on the exam would have him tap back into things his parents taught him, so he slept for half of the exam.

Everyone found it particularly funny when they got asked about the brightest star in the sky for astronomy, then spotting the signs of a werewolf for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Overall, Sirius was happy with how exams went. He hated, however, how Remus and Lily went over every question with him because he wanted whatever happened in the past to stay there.

After Gryffindor was awarded the quidditch cup and Ravenclaw the house cup, it was time to leave Hogwarts. Sirius had mixed feelings because he loved it here, but he'll get to spend his first full summer with James and if it was anything like the last, it would be great. However, he loved it at the school; the routines they had and the schedules they followed. He wondered how they would manage the next three full moons if they were apart as they walked to the Hogwarts express. They sorted or a meeting place and a rough plan for the summer, one that mainly revolved around the Queen concert, for the rest of the ride home. He excused himself from their cabin at the last fifteen minute of the ride, planning to find Regulus and bid him goodbye for the rest of the summer.

Regulus was sitting with his cousins and Sirius barged into their cabin, fixing his eyes on his brother.

"Regulus, can I talk to you?" He asked cautiously. Sirius could have almost sworn Regulus rolled his eyes to their cousins before leaving the cabin with Sirius.

"What was that about?" Sirius sounded defensive.

"Sirius, I'm about to see our parents–"

"Your parents." Sirius corrected him.

"Right. I'm about to see them, and I don't want the first thing they hear is that I've been talking to you." Regulus frowned apologetically. Sirius hated it, but he understood.

"How were your exams, Reg?" Sirius asked, and he really was concerned.

"Great! I'm scared about my results in Transfiguration, though. What about you?"

"They went good, except for History of Magic. Hey, Reg, if you need any help with Transfiguration, you can always come to me." Sirius advised, and Regulus smiled with gratitude.

"How are you and Ava?" Sirius quizzed him about his girlfriend.

"Great! We said I love you today." Regulus smiled shyly.

"Ooooh, Reg! You really love her?" Sirius wondered if his brother really knew what the word meant.

"I really do. What about you and... Gideon?" Sirius hated how his brother paused before mentioning Gideon's name, but he let it go.

"We're great, too. I'm seeing him soon." Sirius planned to walk out of the train hand in hand with Gideon and next to his Gryffindor friends to spite his parents.

"Is it getting serious?"

"Is it getting me?"

"Don't make me kick you."

"Nah," Sirius said truthfully. "We're just seeing where it goes you know. But I like him, I really do."

"Aha." Regulus contemplated.

"I'll write you, Reg, I'll sign it under Dawlish's name." Sirius promised.

"I can't wait to hear from you. Have a great summer." The two boys hugged for a few moments then parted.

Sirius found Gideon as the train approached King's Cross. He left the train holding his hand on one side, and Remus, James and Peter on the other, just as he planned. He didn't need to look around to spot them. When you spend your life running and looking out for someone, you could spot them in a sea of their own clones. His mother was wearing a fur coat and his skin crawled. His father was wearing a suit and Sirius locked his jaw. How much more pretentious does it get?

"You okay, babe?" Gideon asked as he squeezed Sirius' hand who quickly snapped out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, I'm great. My life is great." Sirius smiled and planted a kiss on Gideon's cheek when he saw his parents steal a glance at him.

"I'm gonna see you this summer, yeah? A lot? Write me if you're need anything, or anyone." Gideon spoke sincerely.

"Same to you, Gid." Sirius smiled at him. He started wondering spending most of the summer without Gideon and his heart didn't ache as much as it did when he thought he wouldn't spend the full moon with his friends anymore.

"Hey, uh, my parents are over there." Gideon pointed to them. "Want to come say hi?"

Sirius' plus sped up and he searched his head for the best fastest excuse he could come up with.

"I'm really sorry, I'd love to but maybe we can do it later. Mr. and Mrs. Potter are waiting for James and I, so maybe sometime later in the summer?" was the best one.

"Oh. Of course, no pressure. I'll see you." Gideon smiled and kissed Sirius softly, and Sirius returned the kiss sweetly. They said goodbye, then Gideon bid Sirius' friends goodbye and he left. Instead of finding the Potters, Sirius excused himself to say goodbye to Lily and he planned to see her next Monday. He then walked back to his friends who were discussing plans for results day.

"Okay, buzzkills. We better get going before our parents bust a–" Sirius was about to say "nut", but changed his mind when Prongs glared at him. "I mean, before they lose their minds."

Remus laughed at him. Sirius said goodbye to Wormtail who was in a hurry to see his parents. He then turned to Moony.

"I'll miss you." Sirius frowned.

"I'm seeing you after tomorrow, don't be dramatic." Moony shook his head disapprovingly, but jokingly.

"So you're saying won't miss me?!" Sirius gasped.

"No. I'll probably miss you more. I mean, you have Prongs keeping you company." Remus smiled, but there was a sense of sadness to it.

"I'll see you after tomorrow, don't be so dramatic." Sirius teased. They just hugged after that, but what really worried Sirius was how a hug from Remus still meant to him more than all of Gideon's kisses combined.

Sirius and James finally met James' parents. They greeted them with a passion and love Sirius had never known before. On his way out, amidst chatting all of his school year successes to the Potters, he saw a glimpse of his parents looking furious, and suddenly, this was the only success that mattered to him.

Sirius didn't sleep the night before his Queen concert. He was too busy going over every single Queen song in his head, and singing Bohemian Rhapsody between every one. James threatened to kick him out if he didn't shut up at around 3am. Sirius got out of bed at around seven, though the concert was at six in the evening. He showered, combed his hair, tried on several outfits, until he found the perfect one. A yellow silky t-shirt tucked into leather jeans and his trusty combat boots. Prongs was very amused.

"Yellow? Sirius Black wearing a colour that's not black, white or blue?!"

"Hey, I'm sure Freddie Mercury would actually love it." Sirius huffed.

"Uh, sure, cause he will spot you in a sea of thousands of people." James quickly corrected himself to, "I'm sure he will" when Sirius gave him the stare of death.

Sirius forced James to leave at 3pm, ensuring him that they could easily get better seats this way. He owled Lily, Remus and Peter the same thing last night and told them if they weren't there by that time, he was going in without them. To his luck, Sirius' friends had impeccable timing. He knew they all accommodated him because they never really celebrated his birthday. The excitement was crawling all over Sirius. He was going to see his idol, and preform info for his favourite band, including his favourite song, in less than a few hours.

He took a good look at Lily who was dressed in jean shorts and a loose black t-shirt, paired with silver sandals. Peter was wearing his best attempt at muggle clothes, a black set of trousers with a red polo t-shirt. Remus wore a blue sweater with black tight jeans which Sirius tore his eyes away from right away. James wore the same outfit Sirius first saw him in. Appleby Arrows grey t-shirt with jeans.

"Are you ready, Sirius?" Lily asked around the time the band was coming onto the stage.

"So ready that I've never been more sure about anything my entire life."

Freddie Mercury was a glorious, charismatic and charming man. Sirius was convinced that he fell in love with him. He sang along to every word, except when it was time for Bohemian Rhapsody – Sirius couldn't stop crying.

* * *

Padfoot was still in a hype from the concert. He was singing the whole set list. He kept asking James if he saw when Freddie did that thing – which James always said that he did, because he was right there next to him. James' parents were not supposed to be home. They were attending a charity event where wizards gave away potion ingredients and other useful books to wizards who couldn't afford it. It was a prestigious event they couldn't skip Him and Sirius planned to have an after party to themselves where they drank a bottle his father's wine and ate cake. However, once they stepped into the house, both James and Sirius couldn't deny the sound of crying coming from upstairs.

James run up the stairs as Sirius followed behind him. He stood at the door, watching from the small crack, as he heard his mom speak between gasps.

"I just don't understand it, Fleamont. We're no different than them." She said.

"I know. I know, we worker hard to get to where we are today only to be judged by our colour and last name. It's so stupid isn't it? But it's also superficial, and shows who's really the intellectual ones here, Euphemia. I hate seeing you like that sweetheart."

James felt his blood boil. James loved his tan, almost dark, skin. He loved his diverse ancestry, and couldn't believe that his parents were facing prejudice because of it. He felt the world was so unfair because they were good people who got to where they were by hard work. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back to see Padfoot watch him apologetically.

"Let's just go to bed." James whispered.

"I'm sorry, Prongs." Sirius frowned and led him into his room.

"You don't think Lily doesn't like me because of that do you?" James said from the ground later that night, since were sleeping in Sirius' room.

"You should know better than to say this before you sleep, James. I might actually finally kill you tonight." Sirius warned and continued speaking when James didn't. "If you really love Lily as much as you say you do, you would know better than to think that way."

James didn't speak this time because he knew Padfoot was right. He woke up early the next morning and made his mother her favourite breakfast and served it for her in bed. Before leaving the room, he reminded her how much he loved her.


	21. Chapter 21

Remus walked into his home after the last full moon of the summer. Since this summer started, he would transform in the forest near the Potter manor where the rest of his friends met him. It was harder to control him out in the open, in opposition to the small shrieking shack, but his friends still managed to. By the time it was the next full moon, Remus would be back in Hogwarts and things would be a lot easier. He dusted his sweater and walked into his mother's room right away. She had been getting ill more frequently than ever recently and. hated to leave her alone. She lay down on her bed peacefully. Remus recently made a habit of watching her chest rise and fall slowly, just to ensure that she was okay.

Except, tonight, it wasn't moving at all. Remus called out for her in a hoarse voice.

"Mum? Mum!" He shouted the second time. He ran to her bed and sat next to her, taking her hand and looking at her.

"Can you hear me? Should I go get a doctor?!" He tried to fight his tears because tears meant accepting and Remus wasn't accepting it just yet.

"Mum, come on, you said you'll always be here!" Remus' voice filled the house but to no use. It was too soon. He couldn't accept it, he refused to. But he pulled his mother to his chest and started crying. Remus didn't cry a lot, and when he did, he wasn't loud. But sitting in his mother's room with her lifeless body in an empty meant that he could cry like nobody heard him, because nobody did. He bawled for her, for his own life, for the unfairness of everything, and for his dad who abandoned them – who caused this.

Remus got ahold of muggle authorities who took her away. Since he was a minor in both the muggle and wizard world, they said they had to take him to his other parent. Remus lied and said he didn't know where he was, but he would rather stay at the Potters. There were also only two days left to school, and he said would stay with his dad once he's back. Remus secretly wished for his own life to be taken away over living with his lying, cheating dad.

The police escorted Remus to the Potters early in the morning, right after Remus packed his few belongings.

"This is some weird neighbourhood, don't you think?" A policeman asked, but Remus had no reply. Mr. Potter opened the door shortly after.

"Hello, we are from the London police department. We're sorry to inform you, but Hope Lupin has passed away. Remus claims he doesn't know where his dad lives nor do we so far, but he says that he would rather stay with you before he goes to school on Wednesday." The policeman informed Fleamont. "Of course we need to do a study on your house before–"

Before the policeman could finish, Fleamont took his wand out and obliviated all three policemen. He took Remus in and closed the door behind them.

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry." Mr. Potter's chest deflated and he took Remus into his arms. "You can stay with us for as long as you need." He continued.

"It won't be needed. I'll find my father when I come back from Hogwarts. But thank you, sir."

"James and Sirius are still asleep. You'll find them in, I wanna say, Sirius' room? But first, are you hungry? You look very tired too. Maybe you can have a shower, sleep for a while and come back here, I'll make you a good breakfast?"

"Actually, I'm really hungry, I want to eat first." Remus didn't think he could sleep just yet.

"Sure. Just put your bag upstairs and wait in the living room for me, would you?"

"Of course."

Remus did as told. After putting his bags in James' room, he sat in the living room. His thoughts were a dark place, and he felt like he was out of tears and words, so he picked up the Daily Prophet from the table. He read every article, word-to-word. It was calming after some point, knowing that there were other troubles in the world that were bigger than his own. By the time he was done, the smell of eggs danced it's way into the living room and Remus' mouth watered. He thought of last week when his mother made him breakfast. He tried to imagine what the rest of his life would be without her. He was too young to be without her, anyway. But part of him always knew that this would happen, but Remus always kept that part locked away. Now this part has broken out and is attacking him like a werewolf on a full moon.

"Eggs, toast, ham, beans and orange juice! Doesn't get any better than this does it?" Fleamont said with a smile on his face as he placed the tray on the table in front of Remus.

"Thank you so much." Remus smiled gratefully, or at least he thought he did, and devoured the whole meal in ten minutes.

"Want more?" Fleamont asked.

"I'm good." Remus knew that if he was presented with the whole food in the world right now, he would eat it and still not feel full. He walked up the stairs, watching the family photographs arranged on the wall. Baby James, young Fleamont and Euphemia, recent family pictures all laced the wall. He'd seen all of them plenty of times before, but there was a new addition at the end. A picture of Sirius and James, hands thrown around each other's shoulders, both laughing at something Remus would probably never know.

He reached Sirius' room and before opening it, he realised this would be the first time he's ever been inside of it. He pushed the brown door open. Remus would have laughed on another day at the sight. His room looks exactly like his part of the dorm, only larger and more dispersed. Padfoot was asleep on the bed and Prongs on the floor. He wondered if they switched every night. It was still relatively early in the day, and last night was the full moon so they would sleep in for longer than usual. He was about to go sleep in James' room when he admitted to himself that he would rather stay with his friends. He crawled onto Sirius' relatively big bed and fell asleep on the side Sirius wasn't occupying. He didn't cover himself because Padfoot was a blanket-hogger.

* * *

Sirius thought he'd gone mad. He blinked his eyes awake to Remus' face just a few centimetres away from him. He sat up quickly, his heart racing. He slowly realised that Remus was actually asleep next to him and wondered if he went back home with them last night. Sirius might be tired after full moons, but he didn't think he was too tired to forget someone come home with him. He looked next to him on the ground to see the place where Prongs was asleep empty. He got out of bed and left his room.

"James?" He called out. James walked out of his parents' room, looking sullen faced.

"Hey, I need to talk to you." James said quietly.

Sirius met Hope Lupin once. She was a sweet lady, and he made her laugh many times. He didn't know her well, but he knew Remus loved her, and that was enough to feel terrible that she was gone. He started thinking automatically of what he could do or say to make Moony feel better. He knew he had to let him grieve in peace and be there for him whenever he was needed. Sirius imagined what it would be like to lose his mother and felt relieved at the thought. He then imagined losing Lily, and it felt like his whole world would fall apart if he did. He wasn't going to let Moony go through this alone.

Him and Prongs walked back to their room after having a short breakfast. Remus was now awake, but Sirius wished he wasn't. He was in the same position he left him. His eyes were open but filled with sadness and he barely acknowledged his friends. James took a seat at the end of Remus' feet while Sirius sat next to him and slowly reached out for his hand.

"I know that she's resting in peace." He spoke softly.

"I don't know how to deal with this." Remus spoke over a whisper.

"Then we'll help you." James acknowledged.

"I don't need help, I just want to hear her say my name again, and cook breakfast for me, and tell me stories of when she were younger, and hold and sing to me after the full moon, how's she gone? How can she be gone?!" Remus spoke between sobs and his grip tightened on Sirius' hand with every word. Sirius was in pain but he knew what he felt was in no match to Moony.

"Moony, she was always in pain. Don't you think it's better that she's finally been put out of it? It's a terrible thing that she's not going to do all of these things anymore, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to remember when she did. She'll always live on with you." Sirius brushed Remus' hand with his thumb like he did when he gave him the tattoo.

"If I didn't turn I would have been there for her, with her. I could have stopped it!" Remus exclaimed.

"Hey!" James called out. "No one can stop death, Remus. You can't blame yourself for what's inevitable. It doesn't matter if you stayed with her the whole time, it doesn't matter if you left. It would've happened and now you can't look back, you have to look forward. Try to figure out how you'll live with this."

"I can't! I won't!" Remus bellowed.

"What do you mean you won't? We won't let anything happen to you, we will help you, Remus, just let us help you I promise it will be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I promise you that it will be." Sirius pulled him closely with both arms then opened one for James, who joined in at the hug. They remained in each other's safety and companionship for a long while. Remus cried then stopped, then cried again then stopped and repeated it all through the night. They all fell asleep on Sirius' bed that night too.

The trip to Hogwarts was quiet. Usually, when the marauders sat together in silence, it was the comforting kind. Today, it was an awkward and heavy silence that was too much to bare. Remus' breathing was heavy and his shoulders slumped. Lily dropped bye to give him her condolences, and his reply was "this is appreciated".

* * *

James knew that the sixth year was an easy one, in comparison to fifth year and seventh year, where you do exams that your whole future depend on. Also, in the first few years, everyone has a close eye on you. When you're in the sixth year, the professors are busy with all the other students, that no one really cares about you. Of course, him and the other marauders naturally took that to their advantages.

They started planning their biggest prank yet. Remus, as usual, didn't prevent them, but, as not per usual, he didn't advise against it. He just watched them plan from his bed every night. James was worried about him. He was losing interest in everything he loved, like picking up a book, participating in class, talking to his friends and eating like the world was about to run out of food. Other than that, Remus didn't cry since the came to Hogwarts. He was uncomfortably silent.

They decided to pull the prank on the third week of school. They used the cloak and map all through the night to charm every chair at Hogwarts with a slipping spell. The reverse spell was very hard and it would take a long time to reverse every single chair back to normal, so that was one day of school gone. James, Sirius and Peter went to the great hall for breakfast only to watch everyone, including Snape and McGonagall attempting to sit then slipping onto the floor.

"This is the best thing I've ever seen." Sirius said between fits of laughter.

"Look at that slimy grease ball!" James pointed to Snape who was still attempting to sit gracefully.

"Uh-oh. Lily looks murderous, Prongs." Peter pointed out. James looked at Lily who was on the floor after attempting then failing to sit. She was glaring at James, her face red with anger and embarrassment. James felt ashamed. He smiles apologetically.

"Alright everyone, Gryffindors! Go back to your dormitories till we sort this out!" James took on his prefect role. Lily seemed to ease.

Instead of having actual schoolwork, the whole school was punished by removing the spell on every chair. Those who couldn't preform the spell yet were assigned tasks by Filch. James had to break the news to Remus.

"You all just couldn't help but be idiotic, could you?" Remus grumbled as he dragged himself outside of the dormitory.

Thankfully, James, Remus and sirius could obviously preform the counter spell. Peter was assigned cleaning the insides of toilets without magic. Sirius disappeared midway through the tiring task. James and Remus didn't think of it much because they were bound to get separated into different classrooms. They were done before Peter and they still couldn't find Sirius so they decided to return to the dorm. James finally got some sort of conversation going on with Remus.

"Why the full moon though, Moony?"

"Whoever created this curse, siphoned energy from the full moonlight to cause werewolves to transform."

"But why a full moon? The sun is out everyday."

"I sure hope you don't wish I transform every morning."

"Maybe just at noon."

"Funny."

James opened the dorm's door where music blasted from inside then quickly closed it again.

"I'm hungry? Aren't you? Oh man I could use some food. We can break into the kitchen like the good old days?" James spoke too quickly without even noticing. He had to keep Remus from going inside.

"James, I just want to sleep." Remus spoke flatly.

"But we never do anything fun anymore." James whined.

"Because it's the dead of night, my mother just died and I'm about to transform into a deadly beast soon. Now let me in."

James knew better than to push this any further. He opened the door slowly where Sirius and Gideon lay together in Remus' bed, kissing passionately while listening to music. Sirius' shirt and both of there shoes were scattered on the floor. James cleared his throat loudly but between their closed eyes, dark lighting, music, ruffling of the sheets and their own breaths, they didn't hear nor see him.

Before James could come any closer to them, he heard Remus scream, a loud clatter then shattering noise. The music came to a halt and Sirius' record player lay broken on the ground.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my best friend got me a queen record today and i was walking home with my other best friend who reads this story then we realised it was the full moon tonight. so i held up the record to the moon and was like "the full moon and queen!" – it's a sign you guys.  
> just thought this was a nice anecdote to share

"I'm sorry, about what happened that night." Sirius confessed to Remus the following weekend in the common room after he finished his charms homework.

"And I'm sorry about your record. I know how much you love it." Remus took a few unsettling seconds before he answered him.

"Nah, its nothing a few reparos couldn't fix. I know I should've been helping you guys instead of fooling around with Gideon." Sirius was going to confess he enjoyed spending time with his friends more but something stopped him.

Remus suddenly started sputtering.

"Ha! No, ha ha, uh, ha, you think I'm jealous that you were with him?" He looked everywhere but Sirius' eyes.

"I literally didn't mention anything to do with–"

"Well, I'm not, okay? Sirius, we went over this. It's just annoying that you're constantly with him over us now. Actually, I'm seeing someone."

Sirius suddenly got a flashback of the full moon two days ago when Remus almost ripped his head off. He was now wishing that he had.

"Oh?" was all he managed to say.

"Yeah. Marlene, you know her."

"I do. Good for you. I need to go, James wanted to see me." Sirius lied, then decided he actually will go look for James.

"But James is in Quidditch practice." Remus' statement stood somewhere between a question and a sentence.

"He needs time to evaluate his skills." Sirius lied again.

"You hate Quidditch and your skills are shit next to his." Remus pointed out.

"Merlin, you didn't tell me you decided to be a detective. I'm leaving." Sirius said but didn't stand up.

"Well, it doesn't look like you are, Sirius." Remus said after a while.

"Okay, mom." Sirius stood up and walked to the Quidditch pitch. It was laden with heavy October showers. Sirius watched James in his element and a he grew much deeper respect for him. Quidditch was James' life. He was a leader and he was taking the captain role very seriously. He had good tactics and his own skill was yet to be surpassed. Yet, James always said that having a good seeker isn't enough – the rest of the team have to be just as great because it's even worse when they catch the snitch and still lose. He thought about interrupting the practice but waited in the stands until James was done.

"Prongs, wait!" Sirius called out but James couldn't hear him through the rain. Sirius ran after him but tripped on his robe and fell into the mud. Ironically, James heard that. He looked back and laughed his heart out while Sirius stood up. The rain cleaned him out as he approached his friend.

"What are you even doing out here?" James asked as they walked back into the castle.

"I wanted to talk to you. But don't ever tell anyone about what happened out there, it'll ruin my reputation." Sirius warned.

"You wish!"

"Asshole. Okay, Prongs, listen. Gideon and I broke up. And there was this other guy I wanted to ask out instead, but turns out he was seeing someone else. What should I do? Do you think I should still let him know?" Sirius' original plan was to let James know everything to do with the way he felt about Remus, but as he spoke, he decided not to.

"I've been pining over the same girl for six years, I've gone to extreme strengths of humiliation and still haven't gotten her. Do you think any advice I give you will be helpful?" James raised an eyebrow as he spoke.

"At this point, I actually think anything will be helpful. Also, I'm also not entirely sure whether he likes guys or not." Sirius reminded himself to add that.

"That's a dead end, Sirius, at least for now. Getting rejected sucks. Maybe you should let it go for now, and that's coming from me." James advised.

Sirius reevaluated the advice James gave him and decided he would rather live with his parents again than give up on Remus.

* * *

Remus was unsure of this, but he was being irrational ever since his mother died. He was glad something was keeping his mind off of it, but less glad that it was something as ridiculous as this. Remus had never been jealous before, and decided that he hated the feeling.

He walked to Lily and Marlene, who were always stuck by the hip, in the common room and sat next to them.

"Hi, Lily, hi, Marlene."

"Hi, Remus." The chanted in unison.

"You look great today." Remus directed Marlene, attempting the so-called technique of flirting and started to wonder if he was succeeding.

"Uhm, thank you?" Marlene said.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me the following weekend." He spoke gently like he would when he wanted something from his mother. Remus heard Lily choke slightly after his proposal, but he thought nothing of it.

"Oh? Uh, yes, sure?" He wished she would stop answering with questions.

"Great, I'll see you around!" He almost left then decided to take her hand and kiss it. Remus was sure he looked like an idiot and he hated the gesture right after but Marlene seemed happy about it so he felt a little burst of success. Everyone went to their dorms soon since it was time to sleep.

The four marauders walked to Potions the next morning. They took their usual place and unloaded their books and cauldrons. Remus scanned the room like an animal would in the forest searching for prey or hiding from predator. Gideon, a predator to Remus, stood a few rows down. His posture was weak and his head was down. Slughorn still didn't enter the room, so Remus was sure Sirius would go check on him, and was very shocked when he didn't.

"Are you and Gideon okay?" Remus asked Sirius who stood to his left, duelling James with their wands as swords.

"We sort of broke up, mate. I was going to tell you yesterday but you didn't give me a chance to. You started talking about jealousy?" Remus could hear teasing in Sirius' voice.

"Oh, shut up I was trying to make a point. I'm sorry though, what happened?" Remus wondered curiously.

"Don't be, it was my choice. I don't know, I just felt like I was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons." Sirius stopped duelling James and faced Remus.

"Wrong reasons?"

"It just felt like it was something I busied myself with to forget everything else that's going on. My heart wasn't in it and I'm convinced it never would have been, so there was no point in pursuing that relationship."

Remus didn't know what and how to feel except that he messed up. He only asked Marlene out to prove a point to Sirius; that he wasn't jealous nor was he alone. Now Sirius was alone and he wished he could un-ask her out, but Remus was not this cruel. A wave of sadness hit him so he repressed it just like he repressed everything else he felt for a long while now.

* * *

The second full moon of the school year came on the first Quidditch match. Remus suggested he spends the full moon alone but Peter and Sirius refuted the idea. "We did this whole animagus thing for you, Moony." Sirius mentioned.

They agreed that James will join them as soon as he was done. But deep down, James was nervous. He was the strongest one in his animagus form and was not sure how the other two would manage without him.

As he stepped out on the cool field, he felt uneasy not seeing his friends in the crowd. This motivated him to win this match so he could be with them sooner. The snitch was released and James sat on his broomstick, flying into the air. He thought the rush would die after doing it so many times, but James felt physically connected to his broom and mentally to the sport. His love for Quidditch was bigger than anyone else's he knew and no one could deny that. During the first two hours, James flew around and dodged bludgers and Thomas Smith, the aggressive Hufflepuff seeker. The cheers died as he flew higher into the air. James imagined he could live like this.

In the darkness, it was hard to spot the small golden sphere, but with his trusty and clean glasses, thanks to Lily, he had a clear vision. He caught a glimpse of it and was determined to catch it. Gryffindor was in the lead so they now had a great chance of winning. James saw Thomas approach him so he had to make a detour to lose him. He took a sharp turn and almost fell off his broom but regained his balance. He looked back to the right, relieved to see the snitch hovering there. Thomas was going too fast to make any turns, so James took that to his advantages and reached out to catch the snitch.

After briefly celebrating, not to raise suspicion by disappearing right after a good match, he grabbed his cloak and left the castle grounds, heading to the shrieking shack. James changed into his stag form to run faster into the building. He entered the shack into a scene of horror. Wormtail was crouched in one of the room's corner. Moony was growling hysterically and scratching viciously. Prongs didn't need a better view to know who it was, but he tilted his head anyway. Padfoot whined loudly as he flailed in his own blood while struggling to escape but just seemed to be getting weaker by the second.


	23. Chapter 23

James didn't have a plan. He just ran and used a force he didn't know he possessed to shove Moony off of Padfoot. The large dog finally got to his feet but fell back again whining in pain. For a split second, a funny yet slightly selfish thought ran through James' head. If something happened to Sirius, would his mom say? The thought drowned away when Moony regained enough strength to attack Padfoot again. James stepped between them, fighting the angry werewolf. James felt like Moony was angrier and more vicious than any other night he had seen him.

Wormtail finally left his corner and ran circles around Moony's feet to distract him from Padfoot. James took the few seconds to his advantages to drag Padfoot away and safe from the shack, dropping him at the castle entrance hoping Sirius would have enough energy to walk inside. He ran back to the shack and spent the hardest full moon yet.

Peter and James watched Remus transform back and transformed themselves once it was safe for them to do so.

"What...?" Remus scanned the room for what must have been Sirius. And as if rehearsed, they all sprang back to the school grounds relieved to find that Sirius wasn't there. None of them could draw their eyes away from the patch of blood on the grass that hadn't even dried yet.

They were all running out of energy but the urge to check on Sirius drove them all the way to the hospital wing.

"Tell them we look like shit because we went out looking for Sirius." James mumbled to Peter.

"Oh thank god you're okay." Madam Pomfrey. "M'sorry I couldn't fetch you today. Sirius Black gotten himself into whatever trouble. He's unconscious, can't speak a word, and... God, I'm rambling, come here!" James watched her grab Remus and place him on the bed next to Sirius. Before anyone could take a good glance at him Madam Pomfrey gasped and grabbed Peter and James.

"Have all you lot gone crazy?! Where were you?!" She demanded as she started examining their wounds.

"We went looking for Sirius. The Whomping Willow got us." James felt that all the years he spent denying the pranks he's done were leading up to this moment. The old healer studied them carefully then sat each on beds opposite Remus and Sirius.

She started fending for Remus first which James took as an opportunity to check on Sirius. He was too still for James' liking. The bottom half of his body was covered with sheets. The top half was bare and while clear of blood, was filled with with cuts and gashes that were deep and fleshy, so therefore eternal. And that was just all he could see. He looked pale and drained out of colour, and his breathing was too slow.

"Is Sirius going to be okay?" James asked Madam Pomfrey when she came over to heal him.

"Too early to say. He needs to wake up first." She said as she applied ointment on his scratched arms.

"Well when's he going to wake up?" He urged her as his palms got sweatier.

"We're wizards, not miracle workers, Potter. I don't know."

James and Peter were dispatched later in the day and were told to go straight to McGonagall's office.

"Potter, Pettigrew! What on earth were you two doing out last night? And do not lie to me!" McGonagall retorted.

"Looking for Sirius. He disappeared around midnight." James spoke cautiously.

"Why were any of you awake at midnight?" She raised an eyebrow.

"It's hard to sleep when Remus is away, we worry about him, professor." James was amazed at how fast he came up with the replies.

"And Mr. Black took it upon himself to go and wander at last night for whatever reason?"

"We're not entirely sure."

"Detention for a whole week, the both of you. And fifty points from Gryffindor. You are the most incompetent prefect I have ever had, Potter. Do not make me regret my decision more."

"I promise... That I will try."

* * *

James approached Lily Tuesday night. She was surprised to see him since she hadn't seen him or his friends all day – they always made their presence known.

"Lily," James called for her.

"What? Are you going to read me a poem now? Oh wait you've done that the second year. Are you going to spell my name in fire in the sky? You actually did that last year! Are–"

"Lily, no–"

"God, no let me finish! Enough, James, I don't like you, and I never will! So save your creativity for some other girl who appreciates sleaziness, cockiness and bullying because that is what you do." Lily didn't know where and why all of this poured out of her, but it did. She had trouble deciding if she should feel bad about the look o James' face. He looked like he had just stumbled upon a dead body.

"I just thought you'd know Sirius is in the hospital, and it's serious. I mean, it's intense, or grave. You get it." He said in a monotone and walked away.

She could worry about James later. Or perhaps not at all. She just wanted to see Sirius. Lily ran to the hospital wing in such a hurry she missed out on giving two detentions. She walked into the wing and spotted Sirius who was unconscious.

"Oh my god, Sirius." She cried out softly as she reached his bed. Next to him sat Remus who was injured badly, but both of them knew his physical capabilities would help him heal soon. Sirius on the other hand looked terrible. She tried everything she could not to tear up, but she did.

"What happened?" She asked Remus quietly.

"I can't tell you." His voice sounded hoarse.

"Does it involve... You?" Lily didn't know the proper way to ask this. To her horror, Remus nodded. She wasn't angry at him, because whatever he did, she knew he had no control over him. Not many people survived werewolf attacks without either being turned or simply dying. She closed her eyes and wished on every cell of her being for Sirius to be okay.

"I didn't want to hurt him, Lily." Remus said after a while, his voice surprisingly calm. Lily was slightly taken aback. "My... He can't... I never hurt anyone seriously, he's the first one I ever do, I don't know how to live with that."

Lily was going to speak, but she thought it would be better for him to continue the talking. She hadn't seen him talking once since school started, and it had been two months.

"I don't think I could have made losing my mother without him being there. He came into our lives at such a funny time, you know? And I mean he just can't go away so soon. There's still so much to know about him and do with him. I'm not saying anything will happen to him, cause obviously nothing ever will." Remus' voice started shaking. "For two months now his presence alone is making me keep it together. For two months I've been so inexplicably sad and he's the only one who didn't give up on me in one way or the other." Finally, Remus started tearing up.

"I've just been such a terrible friend. Look what I've done to him. What I've done to the one thing he loves the most. I don't know what he sees... I mean, how he still spends time with me. It's just though him, and James and Peter are there for me, I feel alone, broken and angry all the time. I don't know how to express anything I'm feeling."

Lily didn't wonder why Remus was pouring all of this at once. Sometimes it was just easier to tell someone you barely knew all of your problems. But neither of them did much speaking because Remus started crying and while she was still worried about Sirius, she now worried about the brown haired boy in front of her. Lily crossed Sirius' bed over to Remus' side and sat next to him, rubbing his back.

"You'll feel better after this." She promised.

"I feel better." Remus said a while after he stopped crying. It was well after curfew, but she didn't want to leave Sirius' side. She wanted to be there when he woke up.

"I'm glad you do." She said sincerely with a smile then felt her stomach slightly tighten, the way it does when she had something to say. Lily didn't see the point in not saying what she thought. People either disliked her for being too blunt, or admired her honesty.

"You don't ever feel like you've done a a mistake, Remus?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, I think we both know inviting Marlene out to Hogsmeade which will be two days after Sirius' birthday tomorrow is the smartest thing you've ever done. And I don't know what is it that's scaring you, but you're letting something, your letting someone, incredible slip away from you." She advised.

"I'd rather sort that one on my own, Lily." Remus said quietly.

"I just hope you make the right decision." Lily gave one more word of advise. "Tell me he gets up, please." Lily said, knowing that he had to wake up.

* * *

Remus didn't know what was sadder. That Sirius would spend his birthday in a werewolf induced coma, or that he would wake up to the world's worst gift. Remus decided to get Sirius pens on the day of the Queen concert. Sirius showed true colours of his Remus hadn't noticed before. Remus took that literally, and got Sirius every coloured pen he could get from the stationary store after the concert. He had a feeling Sirius would enjoy them more than the pretentious quill, but now Padfoot's life was in grave danger because of him and all he has for him is pens.

James and Peter walked into the hospital wing after class. Remus was very well to leave to the hospital wing by now, but he lied about how well he felt to stay close to Sirius. He felt obliged to be there for him, but more important, he felt the need to be there with him.

"Shall we sing happy birthday or is that just pathetic?" James asked as he settled on Sirius' bed. Peter trailed behind him.

"Very pathetic." Remus answered.

"So I guess no Hogsmeade tomorrow?" James wondered and Peter's expression faltered.

"Don't be silly. You and Peter should go." Remus said quickly.

"Oh so if he wakes up tomorrow we tell him sorry we couldn't be there, buddy, we were having fun."

"James, did you get him a birthday gift or are you going to repeat last year's mistake?" Remus wasn't sure as to why he wanted to be alone with him, but he did. This whole situation felt so private.

"Good point. Fine, I'll go but if he wakes up, you're making up to me and I don't care how." James warned and Remus took the bet.

The following noon, Remus was ever so grateful that he did. Around two thirds of the castle's usual residents were in Hogsmeade. Madam Pomfrey was on a lunch break so the hospital wing was all his and Sirius, besides a girl asleep many beds away. He was reading Sirius Pride and Prejudice when he saw him slightly stir.

Remus read the quote, "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed..." and his voice trailed off as Sirius' eyes fluttered.

"You should finish that quote." He spoke in what barely passed as a whisper. "It's my favourite."

Remus' heart leapt.

"You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." Remus half read, and half spoke.

"Isn't Mr. Darcy great?" Sirius asked as he tried to shift his body weight, which caused him to grimace intensely.

"Does it hurt?" Remus' heart was breaking.

"Very. But it makes me look heroic, don't you think?" Padfoot attempted a cocky smile but Remus could see the pain through it.

"I'm so sorry." He spoke softly.

"How long have I been out, Moony?"

"Three days. You missed your birthday."

"Oh man, I missed my coming-of-age party. I wanted to get super drunk and see what happens."

Remus wished he would shut up, though all he wanted for the last three days was to hear his voice. Every word he spoke indicated how much pain Sirius had to tolerate.

"Padfoot, I'm so sorry."

"Shut up, moony."

"Does it really hurt?"

"It does. But now we share the same scars, right? It could have been worse. I'm okay, trust me."

"Can I try to make it better?"

"By all means."

Remus leaned down and kissed the fleshy scar on Sirius' left shoulder first. It was the closest one, but also one of the deepest ones. Padfoot's skin was surprisingly warm. He moved on to the smaller cuts on his arms, fingertips then chest, where he could feel Sirius' steady breath and hear his rapidly beating heart. The ones on his neck were as bad as the one on his shoulder. Remus approached them with caution. Once he was done, he looked up at the other boy's eyes.

* * *

When Moony finally kissed Sirius, it felt like he had been sent to the vast sky full of stars his whole family had been named after. Moony had sucked all the pain away from Sirius' body. All Sirius could feel, see and hear was Remus. He held both his cheeks in his hands. It felt like everything had finally fell into place.


	24. Chapter 24

Sirius Black never giggled. In fact, he thought that no one ever should. That, of course, was until Remus John Lupin kissed him. He spent the two following days of recovery giggling and appreciating every little thing. In fact, he didn't even complain when he was dispatched from the hospital wing and McGonagall gave him detention for wandering at night after hours, despite him not fully recovering yet.

Him and Remus became inseparable. They didn't kiss after the one time, but Sirius didn't want more. He was happy to truly have Remus back. They spoke about anything and everything. They walked each other to class. They discussed plans for the summer. Sirius was truly happy, especially because he had his Moony back. Remus was learning how to smile, and how to be okay again.

The other two, James and Peter, didn't exactly notice how close the two have come to be, which Sirius was grateful for. He appreciated this way.

One morning by the end of November, Remus approached Sirius on his bed with a plastic bag. Sirius had just woken up, and while usually grumpy, he was happy to have Moony so close to him.

"Good morning." Remus said with a smile.

"Morning!" James and Peter said collectively. Sirius couldn't help but laugh, and Remus joined him.

"Good morning to you, too. What do you have here?" Sirius pointed to the bag.

"You're a very curious boy, Sirius Black." Remus said, putting his hand in the bag.

"Need I remind you that I'm older than you, Remus?"

"I cannot believe the universe messed up so badly. Anyway, this is ridiculous, but I think you'll enjoy them." Remus pulled out a packet of different coloured tubes Sirius had seen muggles use before. "These are pens. They're the muggle alternative for quills. They're a lot easier to use, actually. You don't need to dip them in ink, or anything. The ink is in the actual tube. The only problem is that the more you use it, the faster it'll run out. I think you could actually charm them to never end. You're a good wizard. I feel like it's such a pathetic gift, especially after what I did to you, you truly deserve the world–"

Sirius placed his three middle fingers on Remus' lips softly, saying "shhh".

"Just show me the gift, Re."

"Re?"

"Moony. Whatever, I wanted to try something new."

"If you say so, Si."

"You're a terrible person. Give me my gift please." Sirius said jokingly and held his hand out. He examined the "pens". He opened the packet and pulled out a bright florescent pink. There wasn't any parchment in sight, so he drew a line on his skin and was amazed at the result. It was bright pink ink on his hand!

"Sirius! Why'd you do that?"

"THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER. I AM NEVER USING ANYTHING ELSE." Sirius exclaimed as he sat up and tackled Moony in a large hug, who returned it just as passionately as Sirius.

While they made their way to History of Magic, Sirius couldn't stop thinking of all the things he could do with his pens, which he'd already charmed easily to never end. He would never conform to the old ink and quill ever again. He sat on a chair as old as his professor and laid his pens in front of him. By the end of class, Sirius had drawn a perfectly detailed unicorn head on the back of his hand. His friends loved it.

"A unicorn?" Lucius spat as they entered potions. Sirius dreaded the time they shared classes with Slytherins for reasons exactly like this. "Just when you couldn't get more gay."

"So tell me, Malfoy. Did you figure out the career you can land with talking a lot of nonsensical bullshit?" James quickly stepped in.

"I'll figure it out as soon as Black tells me where he expects to end up in life by being the absolute scum of earth." Lucius took no time to reply.

"That way he will actually turn out to be a decent human being, I suppose. Decency is having acceptable behaviour and morals. A human being is... Well, I'd tell you, but it's just something your kind won't be able to wrap your head around, Malfoy." Sirius was surprised to hear Remus say. Sirius smiled uncontrollably and quietly walked to his spot in class.

"Hey Remus, remember that time you kicked Lucius' ass for me? That was nice." Sirius teased when Remus stood next to him.

"Metaphorically or literally? I have now accomplished both." Remus said smugly.

"Mmm, personally, I prefer the metaphorical ass-beating."

"Definitely. Harder to prove to McGonagall too."

* * *

James was attempting to fix his hair before dinner when Sirius walked in on him in the bathroom.

"I could have been peeing." James whined.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." Sirius said as he took over half of the mirror next to James, combing his hair to much more success, however.

"I could've been having an intimate moment."

"If you mean getting off, I thought you did that on Saturdays at 7pm, when you think that no one's in the dorm."

"You're disgusting. And wrong. Either way, why did you have to use this specific mirror?"

"I missed you, Jamesy!"

"Wrong answer."

"Okay so I was thinking," Sirius said swiftly. "Anaticula."

"Gesundheit." James apprehensively said.

"What? No, you idiot, this is a spell. I was going through the Daily Prophet's list of most useless spells, and came across this wonderful gem."

Sirius held up a torn out section from the paper. The Anaticula spell was circled in green ink.

"Emits ducks from the caster's wand," he read aloud the use of the spell.

"So imagine that. Snivellus walking to dinner. Ducks being shot at him from an invisible caster, us. Total confusion and humiliation. I love it."

James wondered about Sirius' idea. It was smart, but it might anger Lily and he wanted her to think of him more than a bullying imbecile.

"I don't know, Sirius. Lily might get upset." James' technique was to make Sirius think like not doing the prank was his idea.

"Lily now hates the git. I bet you a galleon she'll laugh if she sees him." Of course, James' plan wasn't working. He chewed on Sirius' idea and decided to go with it. They shared the prank with Remus and Peter who decided to go to dinner instead. It would draw less attention to the marauders that way.

James and Sirius sat underneath the cloak of invisibility, poking their wands out just enough for them to cast the ducks flying in Snape's direction. Once they saw him walk towards the great hall, they started firing. James was grateful they mastered casting spells silently.

Snape was taken aback and once he tried to run away from the first duck, Sirius would fire another. When he tried to go backwards, James would fire again. He was stuck and his face turned a satisfying shade of red after the fifth duck came his way. They withdrew their wands after the hallway was almost full of ducks. They ran to the great hall swiftly, still using the cloak. They took it off at the door when no one looked their way. Snape ever showed up to dinner that day. Lily didn't smile nor show dismay about the prank, but Sirius still owed James a Galleon.

"Mr. Black, I will not accept essays written in bright and blinding orange from here on." McGonagall said as she handed Sirius his essay back the following day. He looked genuinely upset at the comment.

James was relieved to see him and Remus getting back to their old selves. Things, including conversations, were a lot easier. The elephant had finally left the room. Remus finally started crying, too. He did it at night and everyone had different ways of comforting him. James liked to talk with Remus and hear his problems out. He gave him advice and told him it will get better. Peter never directly talked to Remus about serious issues. Instead he just told him jokes, which Remus either actually found funny or was just flattering Peter. Sirius' bed was the closest to Remus' so they would talk endlessly all night. Either one would also commonly be found asleep in the other's bed, which seemed to cease Sirius' nightmares, or at least reduce them to bare minimum.

As Sirius negotiated using purple with McGonagall, James looked over at Lily who was talking to Marlene. He couldn't exactly hear what she was saying, but she seemed so passionate. He wished more than anything that one day he would be on the other end of that conversation.

* * *

 

Marlene McKinnon had turned into Remus' worst nightmare. Remus was so worried about Sirius he forgot to cancel her date. Then he was so happy after he kissed Sirius and grew closer than ever to him, he forgot to apologise for bailing on her. She then approached him on the last week before Christmas break and told him to go to hell – every time she saw a glimpse of him. His three other friends found this exceptionally hilarious. They then started using her as the punchline of their jokes. He hoped it would end if he apologised.

"Marlene." He called out for her in the common room on the last night before winter break.

"Go to hell." She said flatly.

"I am so sorry. Sirius was so ill and he's my best friend, I was so worried. I completely forgot. I am extremely sorry." Remus said sincerely.

"You saw me for almost everyday for a whole month and didn't apologise for standing me up, Remus."

"I know, and it was an utterly irrational and careless of me. I apologise again." He sighed.

"Let's make a deal. You make it up to me and I'll stop wishing you go to hell every time I see you." She suggested and Remus felt uneasy.

"I'm just not ready to... Date, right now, Marlene. I'm sorry, I'm sure Lily told you I've just lost my mother and what have you."

"Whatever. Fine, don't go to hell, just go away." And so Remus did.

Remus walked into his dorm and sat on his bed, eating chocolate while everyone else packed to go away during Christmas holidays.

"Are you sure you don't want to come stay with us?" James asked for what must be the one hundredth time.

"Yes, James. My dad will want to see  
me, he already wrote me ten times since I came here." Remus said with a voice full of spite. This was the first time he'd heard from his father in a whole year, and he still hadn't told him about his other family. Remus couldn't even imagine summertime where he would have to meet them.

Sirius glanced at Remus with a look that could only imply sadness. Padfoot offered to stay with Remus more than once, but Remus insisted he leaves with James. He knew that Mrs. Potter was very anxious to see  
Sirius ever since Remus attacked him, so he had to let him go. He also knew Sirius could use the time off. Soon they were all done packing. They had more chocolate and talked for a long while then fell asleep. The next morning, Remus walked them to the Hogwarts express. They met Lily and Marlene on the way whom Sirius persuaded them to join them in the cabin, and Remus had a feeling it was to do with a favour he owed James.

"I'm going to miss you." Sirius said quietly as they reached the train. They stood between two carriages to be unseen.

"Me too. Owl me everyday?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Of course. I'll also send you a gift on Christmas. It won't be as great as last year's though." Sirius confessed.

"I wish I could do last Christmas all over again."

"We'll have many more christmases to come." Sirius said as he grabbed Remus' wrist and watched the tattoo. Then kissed it. Remus felt his heart sink, but not in the bad way. He felt like someone had finally put his heart in the right place. Sirius then looked at Remus longingly, and then kissed him, mumbling Merry Christmas and goodbye.

When they pulled away, they realised they weren't as hidden as they thought. Marlene, Lily, Peter and James watched with dropped jaws.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!" Sirius shouted instantly. He walked over to Marlene first and kissed her wrist then on the lips, followed by Lily and Peter. When Sirius approached James, Prongs stepped back and said, "I'm good".

Sirius acted very upset that James wouldn't let him do the only Black family tradition Sirius held dear to his heart. Remus regretted not accepting Sirius' offer to stay as soon as the train doors closed.


	25. Chapter 25

_"Dear Remus,_

_Attached to this letter is your Christmas gift. I wish I was with you to see your reaction. I actually I was with you all the time. I think the pastel blue pen is one of my favourites, what do you think? Combined with my genetically elegant handwriting, I find it very calming._

_Anyway, I didn't write about the pen or my handwriting. I'm writing because I really miss you. Prongs is so preoccupied with Quidditch, and while I play with him sometimes, I'm not nearly as half as good and James doesn't understand the concept of "going easy this time". Wormtail doesn't come over much and though I might sound slightly mean saying this, it's very easy to get bored with him. There should be a time limit concerning how long someone should discuss cheese in a day. That time limit should be zero minutes._

_I don't mean to complain though. I love them both. I'm happier than I've been my whole life. It's just that I am the happiest when I'm with you. I'm my best when I'm with you. You helped make up the first terrible 16 years of my life, so I promise to try to continue and make you as happy and comfortable as possible from now on._

_Oh god, don't worry, this isn't a marriage proposal. I'm just wondering we can make you and I... An us? I mean, would you like to make this official? Because we never really discussed this. Please feel free to say no or express if you need time. I want you to be comfortable. And we don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to – I promise Lily doesn't know anything except for last Christmas' kiss, and I think I have convinced everyone that kissing you and wishing you Merry Christmas was truly a Black family tradition once I kissed Peter._

_Ps. You owe me so much for that._

_Merry Christmas, Moony._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Sirius Black"_

Remus read the letter multiple times in his head in Sirius' voice. He hated that he couldn't hear it. This was the longest he'd gone since he first saw Sirius without hearing his voice and he couldn't adjust to that. Ever since their first proper kiss, Remus was nervous. He didn't know if he was ready for this, especially that he didn't see it coming. He didn't even know if he liked guys completely, or just Sirius. Remus wholeheartedly believed Sirius fell into a sexuality category of his own. Remus was most nervous, however, because he'd never been in a relationship with anyone before. He thought it was better to avoid relationships to save the pain heartbreak because once the other person would know the truth about Remus' reality, they surely would leave him.

But here was Sirius, who knew everything about Remus but chose to stay. He got closer to him everyday. And here he was asking him to be "official", and suddenly he wasn't nervous at all. It was what he wanted, and he didn't see a reason to feel nervous. Remus was used to judgement, and he was safe with his friends. People would talk about him soon enough. He also knew that if he said he wasn't ready to Padfoot, it would break his heart, and moreover, Remus' own.

_"Dear Sirius,_

_You are very adorable. Yes, I would love to, according to your words, make this official. But I would appreciate if we took our time to tell everyone else. I don't know about you, but I am taking pleasure in the feeling of secrecy for now._

_I miss your voice in a way you couldn't imagine. I can't wait till you come back. But don't forget to enjoy winter break, and cast as many spells as you can, and Apparate everywhere – use your newly found freedom! I am very happy that you are enjoying your pens. I did not anticipate you loving them that much. I hope you like your christmas gift that much too._

_Ps. Whatever you need, I'm going to do it._

_Ps. II. I genuinely think this was Pete's first kiss._

_Always yours,_

_Remus Lupin"_

Remus wrote later in the night then fell asleep alone for the seventh day in a row.

Sirius was incredibly restless on the train ride back home. Prongs threatened to chop something off of his body if he doesn't stop. When Sirius asked which part, James said his toe. Peter found that particularly hilarious.

After the seemingly never-ending train ride, the Hogwarts Express finally reached the school. Just like promised, Moony waited for him at the nearest point he was allowed to. Sirius' plan was to wait till the other two greeted him, then have a more intimate moment after. But watching him stand there with a smile and a sweater three times his size, Sirius aborted the mission. He threw his arms tightly around Sweater then squeezed tighter to sense Remus.

"I missed you so much." Sirius said quietly.

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak louder from now on. It's very foolish of me, but I didn't start to appreciate your voice until I couldn't hear it every so often." Remus stated as he hugged him back.

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS." Sirius spoke a lot louder. Remus instantly pulled back.

"I like big butts?!" Moony asked with a confused yet amused expression on his face.

"It rhymes with I missed you so much!" Sirius spoke quieter.

"It most definitely does not, Padfoot." Remus smiled admirably while shaking his head.

"What're you two going on about?" James asked as he hugged Remus, followed by Peter.

"Does I missed you so much rhyme with I like big butts?"

"Uh," Wormtail wondered. James shook his head at him.

"No, Pete. The answer is no."

They all walked back to the dorm, discussing winter break. No one did anything special, so they were all caught up really soon.

* * *

"Hey, Moony, I just remembered Lily wants to talk to you!" Sirius mentioned as they entered the room. "She's in the common room, come with me!"

"She does?" A confused expression drew itself on his face.

"She does." Sirius spoke through gritted teeth.

"Oh, oh, of course she does!" Remus finally caught on.

"Unbelievable." James mumbled as Sirius and Remus left the dorm.

They decided to go to the shack because it was the only place they could have complete privacy. Sirius turned into Padfoot as they entered the tunnel and Remus pet him for the whole walk while Sirius ran circles around him and nuzzled his legs. When they reached the shack, Remus sat on the floor and Sirius jumped on his lap and started licking his face. Remus laughed and rubbed Sirius' sides. Moony's hands felt warm and soft. Sirius wagged his tail happily and panted. He watched Remus smile as he rubbed the top of his head.

Sirius wished that life would just be made up of this moment. He pressed his snout on Remus' lips then switched back into his human form, allowing Remus to kiss back. He placed his hands on Remus' waist while Moony's hands slid from the top of Sirius' head to hold his face in his hands. Sirius only realised how intense his feelings for Remus were because he didn't flinch as Moony ran his hand down Sirius' hair. Their kiss was long, sweet and passionate. Sirius felt as if they were slowly merging into one person. He didn't want the moment to end, but like all good things, it had to.

"Why does it feel like you've done this many times before, Lupin?" Sirius said as he rolled off of Remus, sitting next to him with his back to the wall.

"We have kissed before, you know?" Moony pointed out.

"Unbelievable. I'm talking about kissing in general, darling." Sirius added. He'd heard Freddie Mercury use the word darling several times before and thought he'd add it to his dictionary too. Words of affection were forbidden in the Black household and it felt like a form of defiance using them.

"Kissing is fun. I would lie if I haven't dabbled myself. But I was never in anything as serious as this." Remus explained, then placed a hand on his forehead. "Bad choice of words."

"Perfect choice of words! I mean no one is as as Sirius as me!" Sirius smiled amusedly.

"Your name is just very unfortunate."

"Said Wolf Wolf, the werewolf."

"It seems like you are asking to revoke your kissing privileges." Remus stated.

"You'll cave in before I do, Moony. But anyway, back to that favour you owe me." Sirius reminded him. "I want the Zonko's mug back."

"Treason!"

"Payback."

* * *

Just as last year, everyone decided to celebrate James and Remus' birthdays at the end of the week. Also, just like last year, Sirius planned the party. This year, however, strictly celebrated coming of age. James knew what to expect: loud music, a lot of drinks and several hook ups.

James and Remus walked into the Gryffindor common room to be met with students from across all the houses. The common room had never looked so crowded and while James would typically appreciate the attention, he knew people were there for the drinks and the good time, and doubted that most of them even knew it was his birthday.

"SURPRISE!" Padfoot and Wormtail yelled then elbowed everyone around them along with a deathly stare, causing other "surprises" to rise around the room completely out of sync. The two made their way to James and Moony.

"Happy birthday, Prongs!" Peter exclaimed, handing James a gift and repeated the same pattern with Remus.

Sirius threw his arms around Remus, mumbling what could have only been "happy birthday" – Sirius had always been one to completely evade personal space. He then handed Moony his gift and exchanged a look Sirius and James usually do when they're about to execute a prank.

"PRONGSY!" Sirius exclaimed then hugged James. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You will love this." Sirius handed James an extremely large gift whom he had no trouble guessing it. It was a broom, which must be the Nimbus 2100. It came out during Christmas holidays and James' parents promised they'd get it to him if he preformed well this year, but it seemed like Sirius broke through.

"Today we have an assortment of butterbeer, firewhiskey, mulled wine, mead and for you fancy arse lot, champagne. But you have to pay for the latter, five sickles a glass!" Sirius called out. "Can I treat the birthday boys to anything?"

"Yes, please. To the knowledge of how on earth you think McGonagall will not know of this."

"Moony, moony, moony! I have got my ways!"

"Do your ways include silencing charms, house elves and, god forbid, unbreakable vows?" Remus questioned.

"Perhaps." Sirius admitted. "Now drinks?" He pressed. "I need to go watch the music."

"I will have mead!" James said.

"And I champagne." Remus spoke sophisticatedly.

"Do better. You disgust me. Five sickles, now!" Sirius held his hand out to Remus, who looked amused but shocked.

"Are you serious?!"

"In name and mood!" Sirius said then mumbled, "champagne."

"If you have such a problem with champagne why did you offer it, Padfoot?" Remus said as he reached into his pocket.

"Ah, keep your money. I mainly got the champagne for you." Sirius admitted with a smile. He got everyone their drinks, including a firewhiskey to himself.

As soon as the music was up and going, an inexplicable energy took over everyone. James drank one mead after the other, and didn't decline when Padfoot offered him other kinds too. He was intoxicated to a noticeable level to everyone but him. He glanced Lily from afar dancing with her friends. His heart sped up with love but also fear that she might never dance with him. He wanted to dance with her one day and didn't think that was much to ask. All he had to do was impress her enough. He looked around for Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail to ask for suggestions. Peter was inhaling food from the buffet while Remus and Sirius were too busy dancing to a song about the moons and stars, singing along loudly.

It occurred to him a few moments later that the only way to impress Lily was to swoon her over as Prongs. He knew that he needed full concentration to transform, but he was scared it would go wrong with the alcohol so he went back to their dorm room to use the aid of a mirror. He transformed into his animagus form then ran out, heading the sounds of the clicks his limbs made against the wood. He only realised how crowded the common room really was when he tried to squeeze his way to Lily as a stag.

People started screaming and pushing each other away from James. He felt offended, but all that counted was Lily. Soon enough, the path to her cleared and he ran towards her and came at a stop when she let out a loud scream. He slowly approached her and rubbed the side of his head lovingly but carefully against her chest. Her racing heart slowly calmed down and she pet the stag.

"How did this get in here, Sirius?" Lily demanded. Her voice was silky, which James took as a sign of being a few drinks. Soon, James noticed the sounds of laughter bursting across the room. Padfoot and Moony could not help themselves. Their laughter rang around the room which must have been infectious because everyone else joined in.

"Us! We shall escort this animal out of here!" Remus announced and stumbled over to James.

"Wormy! I mean, Petey, come help us this instant." Sirius said between fits of laughter and sips of mulled wine while a worried-looking Peter hurried over to them.

"Oh god, this was not a good idea." Peter said anxiously as they tried to lead James out.

James, however, didn't want to leave. He was feeling Lily's touch for the first time and didn't want to give it up so bad. He let out a loud gruff, denoting his refusal to leave. Lily looked confused but could not help showing Prongs the Stag affection.

"Ah, I think this is a job for Padfoot." Sirius announced, Remus agreed and James got slightly excited because he loved playing around with Padfoot.

"I think not!" Peter cried as he grabbed Sirius' shoulder back to prevent him from transforming.

"Boo!" Sirius whined. "Maybe you should have stuffed yourself with some butterbeer instead of cake, Wormy."

"Stop calling me that!" Peter shouted. "Come on, let's just get this stupid stag out of here." He demanded and the other three complied, mainly because of the shock of Peter finally taking a stand.

James awoke with a major headache the following day. The sound of Peter breathing was enough to make him feel like three holes were being drilled in his head. Remus was still asleep and Sirius had his wand held to his head.

"What are you doing?" James whispered.

"Debating to whether to use Repulso or Confringo to blow my head off." Sirius explained.

"Wise. How are you not in pain?" James directed Peter.

"Because I didn't drink myself blind." He responded.

"Confrin–"

"NO!" James and Peter shouted at Sirius. A second later Moony let out a gruelling growl that was too reminiscent of the full moon, James had second thoughts if it was actually the full moon.

"I think it is very ill advised if any of you decide to speak anymore at any point for the rest of the day for any reason." He said with a withdrawn voice.

"Forgive me, Moony, but why do I have a vague memory of seeing Prongs in stag form last night?"

"Because it happened. He transformed right in the middle of the common room. And you completely stripped and ran around everyone in circles like the dog you are. And Moony got on four limbs and howled, announcing he was a werewolf." Peter explained. "And I had to obliviate the whole common room myself."

"Oh. Maybe you could be a hero after all, Pete. You're our hero after last night, for sure." Sirius said, finally placing his wand down.

"Are you still drunk?" Peter asked apprehensively.

"Most likely. Are you lying?"

"Most likely."

"Most likely." Remus agreed, then all of them fell back to sleep for the rest of the day.


	26. Chapter 26

Summer rolled in, much to Remus' dismay. He got off the Hogwarts Express onto Platform 9¾, expecting to see him there: the man who is solely responsible for everything terrible in Remus' life.

"Are you ready?" Sirius asked calmly.

"No." Remus held Sirius' hand subconsciously and shook his head then looked around to pinpoint his father. It didn't take long. Though he easily blended into the crowd, much like Remus himself, they both had really similar features. It felt like looking into a mirror that showed his future as Remus slowly approached his father. Despite the nearing full moon, a sense of calm washed over him knowing his friends were right next to him.

"Remus..." His father called softly.

"Dad." Remus said succinctly.

"You've grown so much." Lyall pointed out as he studied his son. Remus felt violated; he had no right to act paternal simply because he was obliged to.

"You wouldn't know." Remus swallowed a lump that seemed to have taken permanent resident in his throat.

"Remus, please. Don't make this harder than it already is. I've missed you. I'm sorry I have been distant. But I have so much to share with you, and I can't wait for you to tell me all about what's been going on with you." Lyall said as he glanced at Remus' hand that was entwined with Sirius', and he let go quickly.

Remus wasn't ready to let his parent in on the most private part of his life yet.

"Why don't you introduce me to your friends?" Lyall asked with a more cheerful tone.

"You've met them before." Remus answered quickly then sighed when he noticed the look of desperation on his father's face. "This is James and Peter, whom you've seen before, and this is Sirius. He transferred to Hogwarts last year."

"Are you the Black boy? Everyone in the ministry talked about you when that happened." Lyall was smiling but something about his tone was condescending.

"I just said his name, which is Sirius. Can we just go..." Remus spoke before Sirius could but his voice trailed off at the end. He didn't want to call his new house a home, because everything was going to be unfamiliar to him, and home was everything that made you comfortable.

"Of course. There's so much we need to talk about!" His father's eyes gleamed with hope, only reminding Remus of his mother, Hope.

"There's actually not much to talk about. I know I'm the reason you left. But you had no right to start another family of your own. It killed mum. It literally and metaphorically did. Nothing you say will bring her back, nor change what I am, nor justify your new life. And please know that this is just temporary bases. I should be getting my own home soon and you can't stop me because I'm of age. Now if you may excuse me, I would like to say goodbye to my friends alone." Remus felt like he had unlocked a chest and the words just came flying out. He hated being disrespectful, but this was the least he could do to his mother.

Lyall didn't argue. He stepped away quietly with his face red in what could either be anger or shame – Remus was bound to know soon anyway.

"I'm proud of you, Moony. You did the right thing." James said as he hugged Remus.

"We'll be going out almost every day, you won't even have to spend time with them." Peter reassured him.

"I am always a lot closer to you thank you think." Sirius said as he pointed to his own wrist. He was right. The tattoo did feel like Remus had a permanent piece of Padfoot with him at all times. "Take care and don't do anything rash. We'll see you soon."

Remus was grateful that he'd come of age so he could Apparate without having to spend time discussing anything with his dad on their way to the house. However, this didn't stop Lyall from attempting yet another try at discussion.

"Before you cut me out again, you need to know who's inside, Remus. When your mother passed... It felt like a wake up call for me. My lies have caught up to me, and my mistakes have only gotten deeper. I had to explain everything to my... Family and now I have to explain to you. I met Jade on a mission in Ireland. Your mother had started showing early sign of her muggle illness, and while my love for her never went away, my love for Jade grew too much for me to deny. I couldn't tell your mother, Remus. I couldn't wait for her, either. It was unfair for all of us. Unfair for Jade because she wanted to start a family, unfair for me because I loved her and unfair for your mother because she didn't need more sadness to her days. I didn't tell them... About you.

"So we did start our own family. Opal is six years old and Obsidian is four. When your mother passed, it felt like all the years had flashed before my eyes. It reminded me of all the great things I missed out on being apart from you. I had to tell them about you. They're excited to get to know you, and so am I. I just want to reconcile, and build our relationship once more, Remus."

Remus' worst fear was hurting anyone, especially in his wolfish form. But today, he wished to do nothing more. He wondered if his father had a conscious, and if he did, how exactly it functioned. He admitted to being a cheater, a liar and a terrible parent, yet he was asking for Remus' forgiveness, which he would never get.

"They don't know about your condition, though. I would appreciate it if it stayed that way."

"Mum didn't die for you. She died because of you. I don't want to get to know you, or your replacement family. And don't worry, I won't tell them about the mistake you made twelve years ago and ruined my life with." Remus said and faced the door.

Lyall lead Remus inside. The house was lavish and showed all signs of wealth and well-being. The furniture littered the place. Family pictures where each member was somehow smiling genuinely laced the walls. The entrance of the house alone was the size of Remus and his mother's rooms combined. Everything was sparkling with cleanliness, and the place smelled of delicious cooking and flowers. Pictures of his old mother's house flashed Remus' mind and he felt an inexplicable pain in his chest. Lyall built his happiness on Remus' misery. Still refusing to speak, he followed quietly into the sitting room.

Three figures stood next to each other in order of height. The tallest woman, who must have been Jade, wore a long velvet dress robe that contrasted her piercing green eyes. She had long wavy soft black hair. The next one, who Remus took as his half sister, Opal, had her mother's eyes – fierce and concentrated. But that's where there resemblance stopped. Everything else resembled Lyall, and therefore Remus. He even felt silly doubting if she was his sister when he saw her from afar last summer. They were so clearly related. However, it was Obsidian who Remus couldn't even look at for longer than a few seconds. It was as if one of the older photos of Remus in his childhood years had come to life. His father was able to replace him with a healthier version; one who wasn't tainted lycanthropy.

"Lyall, sweetheart you're finally home!" Jade said cheerfully. She had a voice that was too high, Remus wondered if she put it on for show.

"Yes! Jade, Opal, Obsidian, meet Remus, whom I've told you all about. Remus, meet Jade, Opal and Obsidian!" Lyall said nervously.

"Daddy why is his face so... Messy?" Opal asked with a frown.

"I believed you didn't tell them anything at all." Remus directed Lyall then as politely as possible asked to be shown to his room.

* * *

 

"He asked you to be his best man? My parents are assholes, but at least they don't try to hide it. I can't believe you have to stay with him. I'm so sorry, Moony." Sirius was frustrated beyond words. James was busy training with a member from his favourite team, the Appleby Arrows, after his parents arranged the lessons, so Sirius met up with Remus a few days after they came back from Hogwarts alone.

"I told him I wasn't comfortable with that." Remus explained.

"Are these the exact words you used?" Sirius was doubtful.

"At least they were among those lines." Remus said with a smile and Sirius felt his admirability towards Remus grow further. James and Sirius were explicitly funny, and only managed to do it when they were feeling good. Remus, on the other hand, had the type of humour that suitable for all occasions – and he had the ability to joke even during his darkest times.

"Where are we going anyway?" Remus wondered.

"We're almost there." Sirius answered excitedly.

They took the next right and they were soon at their destination. Sirius watched the automotive store with wonderment in his eyes. He was out with Lily the following day after coming back from Hogwarts when they passed it. Sirius watched the mechanic pull what Lily called cars and bikes apart then put them back together, and he was amazed. Brooms were never Sirius' cup of tea. He didn't like apparting nor portkeys because they left him feeling uneasy. And after watching the mechanic for hours and begging Lily to drive around in a car all of yesterday, he felt that the muggle automobile industry was what his life was missing.

"Padfoot?" Remus called out.

"Welcome to my summer job! I applied yesterday, and they left me a message on Lily's house phone saying, that though it required a little magic, I got it!" Sirius said excitedly.

"What exactly am I looking at, sweetheart?" Remus frowned as he watched the cars and other parts thrown around.

"Oh my god. You just called me sweetheart." Sirius pointed out with a wide smile.

"Don't make me take it back."

"Sorry, sweetheart. This is a mechanic shop. It's the place responsible for building and repairing the vehicles muggles use to transport! I have fallen in love with the job, Moony. And it fits me so well! Also my boss is the muggle equivalent of McGonagall, I'm going to enjoy it big time. Plus, with the money I get from the Potters, and this new job, I will be able to get us an apartment soon enough!" Sirius said excitedly.

"Wait, what do you mean us?" Remus asked quietly.

"I mean, if you want to, of course." Sirius said quickly.

"I'd love nothing more. I'm so proud of you, good job, Padfoot."

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"I already regret this so much."

"Okay I'll stop." Sirius said with a laugh. "I have a suggestion, however." He took Remus' hand and walked him a store down the automotive shop. "This is a muggle music store. They sell records and instruments. They are also hiring, and a person with a musical talent is greatly appreciated." Sirius treaded carefully to make it as appealing as possible. "Since I will be working most of the time, I thought this would be a great chance for us to  
still spend time together while getting money. What do you think?"

Remus took a few moments to go over the offer.

"My dad got me a job at the ministry under his department. I already told him I would take it. It will enhance my chances of ending somewhere in the wizarding community after I graduate and everyone knows." Remus said apologetically

Sirius told him that he understood, though he really didn't. Remus seemed like he didn't want to be around his dad, so Sirius wasn't sure why he would take a job that would require him to spend more time with him than he's already obliged to. More importantly, he didn't understand why no one would hire Remus despite his lycanthropy. Remus was careful, and had never hurt anyone in his life, and Sirius knew he never would. Moony was one of the cleverest and most skilful people Sirius knew and the werewolf prejudice would never allow him to be everything he is capable of becoming. He would trade places with him at any moment, because Sirius had come to realise that he wanted nothing more than making Moony happy.

* * *

James and Sirius barely got to see each other that summer. Between extra Quidditch practice and Sirius' job which James could not understand for the life of him, they missed out on forming several memories together. Remus too was preoccupied with his job at the ministry, however unlike Sirius', he fully understood it. When Remus would graduate, he had a much slimmer chance than getting a job than any of them, including Peter.

To fix the distance problem, James and Sirius bewitched two small mirrors to connect them to each other, by picture and sound. They were charmed to become two-way where one hears and sees the other's surroundings and vice versa. The boys got the idea from the muggle "telephone", and all they had to do to activate the mirror was say each other's names. They were ever so grateful for coming of age before their busiest summer ever so they could perform this outstanding piece of magic.

James had asked Sirius several times to activate his mirrors when Lily was visiting so he could hear her voice. When Sirius pointed out that this qualifies James as a stalker, James pointed out that he didn't care. Also, poor Sirius' boss had been obliviated so many times James was surprised he had any piece of memory at all.

"James!" Colin Yates, James' new quidditch coach, called out.

"Sorry!" James yelled as he ran back onto the pitch. He had taken too much time for his thoughts while he was only allowed a short water break.

"Do you want to get somewhere with those skills of yours, boy?!" Yates bellowed.

"Obviously." James answered back then regretted it almost instantly, adding "sir." Yates was harsh, but James knew tough love when he saw it, as, for example, Professor McGonagall was the expert of it.

"Alright, then, let's put those words into action, shall we?" Yates said as he picked a wooden box from the ground. "Inside are five snitches. I want you to catch the lot of them within the next hour. Go!" Yates commanded in his thick Northern accent as he releases the snitch and James flew into the air after them.

It required tremendous physical and mental effort, but James managed to do it within forty three minutes. It was easier to catch the snitches without many members on the field, but he noticed they were bewitched to go even faster than the usual speed of a snitch. Yates congratulated him on his performance but said he could do better, but their time was over. James was thankful for that, as he was drenched in sweat after attempting to catch five snitches under the scorching sun. Once he reached home and showered his muscle ache and sweat away, he grabbed his mirror and called Sirius ' name, bringing Padfoot's workshop into view and soft music blared in the background.

The mirror seemed to be leaning against something because James had a view better than what he was used to. James called for Padfoot several times until he finally came into view. James' mouth had run dry, however, to call out for him anymore – because not everyday did he see two of his closest mates kiss very lovingly and very hungrily. James quickly put the mirror down, causing the connection to end. He felt like had just committed the largest act of invasion of privacy. He thought it was best not to mention it when Sirius called James' name an hour later, and possibly, ever.


	27. Chapter 27

"It feels only right that you are first person who rides my newest creation with me. You're the person who introduced me to the world of muggle transport, and you have stuck by my shit for such a long time. Lily, I present to you the first of many Sirius Black Productions!" Sirius announced dramatically as he lifted the sheet off a shiny black motorbike with a sidecar attacked to it. The engine was visibly large and strutted several exhaust pipes. The seats were made from leather and the words "Sirius Black" were written on the side in bulgy silver letters. Lily shifted her weight from one leg to another, studying it carefully.

"I'm supposed to ride this?" Lily asked sceptically.

"In my very safe, fall-proof sidecar! That's why I am not providing you with a helmet. I know that most of my friends are wimps, and probably Prongs would be the only one willing to ride on the actual bike, so I included this funny little things for everyone else."

"Good to know that you care I live to see my children. Alright then, let's do this." Lily trusted Sirius, despite him being irrational most of the time. They were both of age so they would be able to get themselves out of trouble. She got into the sidecar as Sirius sat on the motorcycle.

"You smell funny." She pointed out.

"It's just working in that place, it does that to you." She watched him use a disillusionment charm on the motorbike then in themselves, which she hadn't fully understood the reason behind. He revved the engine, causing it to roar with an extremely loud sound. Sirius took off with a high speed, causing Lily's hair to flap behind her, and her hands to grip tightly on the handles.

"There's one more thing you should know!" Sirius shouted over the sound of the wind and the engine. "This bike flies." He announced just in time for Lily to notice the ground sink underneath them. They were now soaring in the sky on a muggle ride and Lily couldn't help but laugh. She watched the scenes with wonderment; the suburban houses, the green hills and the busy city. She was excited because she had never flown before, despite the option being available in both the muggle and wizarding world. Her parents couldn't afford flying abroad and she never felt comfortable on a broom. Sirius had fulfilled a wish she didn't know she had.

"This is amazing!" She screamed with excitement. Sirius was focused on driving, or flying, the vehicle but he smiled at her comment.

They landed back in front of the automotive store after what could have been an hour of flying. Lily and Sirius' hair had fell in a greasy and flat fashion, but she was sure he would have more trouble coping with the results. She had never met anyone more proud of their hair than Sirius.

"So, what did you think?!" Sirius said excitedly as he tied his hair in a bun. Lily doesn't have a memory of Sirius without a hair tie ever since he started growing out his hair.

"I love it!" She laughed and smiled admirably on the motorbike. "You did such a great job, Sirius."

"Thank you, my fair lady." He said as took and kissed her hand. Lily quickly stepped back.

"You won't kiss me afterwards or anything, will you?" Lily said nervously.

"No, Lily!" Sirius laughed. "Why did everyone hate that so much?!"

"Well because for one thing, you're my best friend, that's just weird."

"Fine, no more family traditions for you."

"Are you actually still sticking to this silly family tradition story?" Lily quizzed him.

"I stand by the truth!" Sirius gasped.

"Your version of it, sure."

* * *

Remus walked into Sirius' workplace after he left the ministry. Padfoot worked longer hours than Remus, which was good news because that meant they can spend alone time together. Today, however, James and Peter were supposed to come over later and they were to go out for the night. Remus didn't mind, since he spent every single day of the summer with Sirius, and rarely got to see James and Peter. The only problem was that he couldn't be affectionate with Sirius, and he didn't know how long he wanted to keep heir relationship a secret.

Prongs and Wormtail would only support them but something kept him from telling them. The secrecy made the relationship more exciting. Also, Remus wasn't one to be in serious relationships, let alone with a boy. He knew that despite their support, they would still be surprised, and he would feel uncomfortable. His worries melted away when he saw Sirius leaning against m the supply closet. His hair fell over his face and his eyes were closed, savouring the music and the piece of rolled paper wedged between his mouth. Remus recognised it as a cigarette from the exiting smoke. He didn't know much about the substance, but he knew many people weren't fond of it.

"What do you have here?" Remus asked as he approached Padfoot. The other boy was so handsome. Remus sometimes felt like he couldn't look at him for too long – like he was something precious he couldn't handle, or he could even ruin. Sirius smiled at the sound of Remus, which brought the latter a happiness he couldn't explain.

"It's called a cigarette. My boss suggested I try it after he pointed out that I get tense very often. Wanna try it, Moony?" Sirius said, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. He seemed relaxed and a smile was fixated on his face. He pressed his hands against Remus' cheeks and kissed him softly. He smelled of mint and burnt grass. Remus should be worried that Sirius was busying his hands around his body and hair with a flamed device in his hand, but he wasn't. He trusted Sirius that much.

"Can I try the cigarette or will you just kiss me all day?" Remus pulled away for a short moment for breath and comment.

"Just kiss you all day is actually fine by me." Sirius pouted his lips for what could mean he was upset the kiss came to an end or that he was reaching out for Moony's lips with his own.

"Give it to me!" Remus demanded and Sirius obliged.

Padfoot took a drag from the cigarette and let the smoke out in Remus' face. Remus slowly inhaled the smoke and he wasn't sure how that was supposed to make him relax. He parted his lips slightly when Padfoot placed the cigarette against his mouth. Remus inhaled the substance slowly. He felt it right away. A sense of a weird release, but intense uneasiness. He started coughing and his head pounded, but he wanted to try it again. Sirius rubbed his back as he went for another inhale of smoke. This time it was smoother. It didn't feel exactly pleasing but Remus didn't know what exactly attracted him to smoking. The two boys exchanged the cigarette back and forth as they discussed the importance of literature and the challenges that lie within keeping wizardry a secret forever.

James walked in on them while they were on the seventh cigarette. Remus didn't think much of it but he felt Sirius tense up against his shoulder. He wondered if he felt nervous that James would guess they were seeing each other, but Remus and Sirius actually kissed in front of James before and he still didn't realise they were together.

"What the hell is this?" The smile James walked into the shop with instantly faded.

"What's what, Prongs?" Remus said with a smile.

"Why're you smoking?" James stressed.

"We just wanted to try it." Sirius spoke cautiously.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" James motioned to the small pile of cigarettes.

"Calm down, Prongs, it's just a few cigarettes." Sirius explained.

"You know dangerous these things are! How could you?" He directed Sirius then turned to Remus. "And you, I expect so much better of you!"

"When did you shove a stick up your ass?" Sirius said with an angry undertone as he stood up. Remus followed quickly. He held Sirius' arm to keep him from doing anything irrational, like reaching for his wand

"When did you decide to destroy yourself and take your best friend with you? If you want to be stupid, do it on your own, don't involve people with you, Sirius." Remus was alarmed by James' tone so he stepped between them.

"What's wrong with you two? Give it a break." Remus stressed.

"I'm just confused as to why he's making my life his business." Sirius was trying to reach for his wand so Remus had to tighten his grip.

"Because you're my brother and I care about you, but obviously all you do is keep secrets and do stupid shit!" James was shaking with fury and Remus couldn't understand what sparked this.

"What's going on with you boys?" A familiar voice called from the entrance. Lily Evans stood at the door with a concerned expression. Remus figured Sirius had invited her to spend time with her, as there wasn't much time left until they had to go back to school.

"Sirius and Remus are smoking this deadly substance, they don't care about anyone!" James bellowed and everyone was taken aback by his voice.

Lily gave Sirius a look of disapproval and Remus a look of disappointment, and that's where the guilt sank. Remus should have been watching for Sirius, and instead, he seemed to have almost lead him to his death a numerous amount of times. That's when Remus took the cigarette out of Sirius' other hand and advised him to stop. Sirius expressed his dismay that Remus is just like them.

"I'm glad to see you all have joined the rest of the world in agreement that Sirius Black is such a fucking disappointment. I'm going outside to smoke." Remus wished Sirius hadn't directed the last sentence to James, then even more so, he wished he hadn't thought that all his friends think he's a disappointment. That was one of the things Remus wished he could tell Sirius, and make him understand it.

"I'll go get him." James said and walked outside then came back another later announcing that "he's not there."

* * *

Sirius was mad at the world. Just when he thought he was happy and safe, the world reminded him that he was a disappointment and didn't deserve said happiness. Out of everyone, he didn't expect Moony to remind him of that. He was lighting up the last cigarette of the packet in front of the automotive store when a figure popped in front of him. He guessed that one of his friends had Apparated, which was truly the laziest thing they could do.

"I don't want to talk right now." Sirius said and turned around, not getting a chance to know who lurked behind him.

"Well it's a good thing we didn't come to talk," spoke the voice Sirius spent the seventeen years of his life dreading and having nightmares about. Before he could turn to look his father in the eye, the whole world went dark.


	28. Chapter 28

Several hours had passed and they apparated to all the different locations Sirius could have gone without success. They even reached a point where they thought he would have gone to Hogwarts, but it was impossible to apparate into and out of the school. James felt the anxiety oozing out of Remus as he paced the backyard of the Potter Manor. He truly argued with Sirius and Remus in the first place because he was upset that they didn't trust him enough to disclose their relationship. Now he wished he would have approached this a lot differently. He knew Sirius could be anywhere in the world but his gut feeling insisted that Padfoot was in danger.

While they were put in a tricky situation, James chose to look at the bright side. Lily seemed to bare being in the same room as him a lot more than usual. She was even taking his opinions, and even better, respecting them. Perhaps they should have staged Sirius being in danger more often.

"I don't think he's safe. I think we're wasting time." Remus sounded as if he was pleading over anything else.

"Maybe we should inform the ministry," James suggested.

"I'm the ministry and I say his family is behind this, James."

"You're barely an intern, Remus. And forgive me, but what are the odds that the moment he goes out, his parents are waiting for him with open arms?" James didn't mean to be sarcastic but Moony left him no choice. They needed to think clearly, and avoid suggesting ridiculous ideals.

"If he's in trouble with his family, you'll be taking full responsibility," Remus warned. James didn't take his threat to heart right away, but noticed that there was a prospect of some truth within Remus' words. He had to devise a plan that would be both sensible yet effective. After running through the different possible endings of several plans, he decided that the most logical one would be that they tell his parents. Luckily, neither Remus nor Lily objected.

James' parents were horrified at the news. Though they usually taught James not to jump to conclusions, the prospect of Sirius being in danger frightened them. He guessed it was because they felt responsible for anything bad to happen to him, like when Moony almost killed him. They started discussing different solutions until they turned to Lily.

"Sweetheart, do you know where Sirius' old house is?" His mum asked Lily.

"12, Grimmauld Place. I used to send him owls there all the time." Lily explained.

"Well then, we will go search for him there, and I do not expect any of you to follow." James' mother stated.

"But–"

"No buts, Remus. I'm sorry, we can't be putting you kids in more danger. You did good coming to us." James' dad praised them. His parents took each other's hands and with a loud pop, they apparated out of the house.

"Where's your invisibility cloak?" Remus asked James frantically.

"Mate!" James called out in defence.

"Jesus, you two are meant for each other so she'll eventually know about it. It's not like you have this crazy instrument that will save the universe and right now the only thing it can do is save Sirius. So please, give it to me." Though Remus sounded strong, James knew how vulnerable he felt.

"Fine. We'll use it," James gave in. "But it won't fit us us three."

When Lily noticed James was hinting that she wouldn't be able to come along, she absolutely refused. They argued for what could have been half an hour until they came to a conclusion. They would apparate one by one into Grimmauld Place's entrance. The first person to do so, who was Lily, will be wearing the cloak. She would get rid of any danger or at least distract it. Two minutes later, the next person, Remus, would apparate and the both of them would use the cloak to break into the house unnoticed. The last person, who was James, would stand guard. He decided it was a job for Prongs.

* * *

Lily's muscles clenched as she walked side to side into the Noble House of Black with Remus under the Cloak of Invisibility. Their worst fear was solidified as roars of agonising pain and pitches of sadistic laughter echoed along the house. She didn't need to think much of the situation, because she knew it was Sirius. Her first instinct was to look at Remus to study his reaction and take his opinion as to what to do next. The light brown haired boy was stricken with worry. She squeezed his shoulder for reassurance though she didn't exactly know where to go from there, until she decided to follow the sounds of the screams.

They walked up the stairs quietly. At the top, an old house elf awaited them. Though he couldn't see them, Lily knew he could feel them. She recalled him as Kreacher, whom Sirius mentioned several times in his letters from Ilvermorny and days before Hogwarts. Without giving it much thought, Remus stupefied the elf and Lily almost screamed at him with horror at such an act of cruelty when she realised this would have been the only way to get past the loyal elf. The closer they got to Sirius, the more terrified she got. If they caused a commotion, it would surely cost Sirius his life. She hated being put in the constant state of fear of losing her best friend.

They approached the room with the voices. Luckily, the door was wide open. Lily and Remus watched in anxiety as a girl with furious curly hair, who must have been in her mid or late twenties, dance around the room and laughing manically shooting a different array of torturous spells at Sirius. Lily quickly caught a grip of Remus' arm that almost removed the cloak and shot him a stern look.

"I'll use Expelliarmus, you use Petrificus Totalus," she whispered at him. "Let's save him."

* * *

Lily wasn't fast enough. Bellatrix's reflexes were sharp and she stupefied Lily before either of them could cast a spell on Bellatrix. Lily hit her head on the door handle and fell to the floor unconscious. Remus ducked, causing Bellatrix's bombarda spell to fire at the wall behind him

"Petrificus Totalus!" He shouted, but the spell missed the girl.

"Repulso!" Bellatrix shrieked. Her voice made Remus' skin crawl. He wished she hadn't looked so similar to Sirius. As they exchanged spells and destroyed the surrounding room, Remus was furious of that fact because someone so evil shouldn't share anything in common with someone so pure.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Remus screamed in hopes of finally aiming at her, but she was swift on her feet.

"Aha!" She screamed as she gripped Sirius up by the hair and held her wand to his head. "One more spell and he's as good as the other one," she threatened, glancing a look at Lily then back at Remus. He finally could get a good look at Sirius, who was whimpering. Padfoot's usually pale skin was now tainted red with blood and an unsightly sweat broke out at his neck, forehead and drenched his hair. His eyes were frightened and uncertain. His clothes were tattered and Remus could see bruises on any piece of available skin. He dropped his wand in surrender.

It all then happened so rapidly. The destroyed room was suddenly filled with ministry officials. The man who apparated behind Bellatrix ripped her away from Sirius, who fell to the floor with no power to get up. Remus didn't evaluate the situation any further. He ran to Sirius and held him up in his arms.

"You'll be okay. I promise." Remus sighed and looked into Sirius' incredibly grey eyes which glossed with pain and longing.

"Nice moves out there," Sirius said hoarsely.

"Don't ridicule your pain again, please," Remus pleaded and noticed James shout in desperation for someone to attend to Lily.

"Kiss me, Moony, in front of everyone. It's so heroic and romantic," Sirius said as Bellatrix screamed for her freedom.

"You're face is full of blood. It's vile."

"Well, we all have a little animal within us, don't we?" Padfoot smiled and Remus noticed a teeth of his had gone missing. They would fix it in St. Mungo's, but he could only imagine how Sirius would freak out once he noticed. He found himself smiling too then realised they needed to leave to the hospital as soon as possible when Padfoot's eyes were closing involuntarily.

Sirius and Lily weren't strong to apparate, so they had to  
follow the ministry's lead. James and Remus sat outside their hospital rooms, since the two boys weren't allowed to see them yet. Anxiety gripped Remus by the throat, and neither one of them spoke to the other. Half an hour after they arrived at St. Mungo's, James' parents came rushing to them.

"James!" His mother called out and took her son in her arms. Remus looked away.

"Are you okay, son?" James' dad asked Remus instead, but he just nodded. This was the most uncomfortable situation Remus had found himself in. He already lost someone he loved and wasn't ready to lose another. The dreadful images of Sirius at his weakest at the hands of his family swam through Remus' mind. He wanted to give Sirius all the love and all the peace in the world and it killed him that something always got in the way of that. He was sick of having to wait for Sirius in a hospital wing. There was so many adventures, intellectual discussions and fights left for them to do but confined in these antiseptic white hospital walls, this all seemed so far away.

"We told you not to follow us!" Euphemia scolded them now that she was sure her son was okay, cutting Remus' thought trail.

"We saved Sirius," James stressed. He sounded determined but Remus, who was one never unable to maintain eye contact, watched his hand shake.

"We could have done it ourselves. You two could have made it worse."

"But we didn't, mom!"

"What happened to Sirius' parents? And his cousin?" Remus wondered hastily.

"The girl was sent off to Azkaban. We found his parents in a gathering with some other pure blood families; the Prewetts lead us there. A fight broke out. Sirius' dad, well..." Fleamont explained quietly.

"Is he dead?" Remus asked casually. He never wished anyone dead, until he put together the puzzle that is Sirius Black and wanted to eradicate those who gave him the broken parts.

"He is. Walburga went mad. She's here, in the mental ward. They're trying to sedate her, but I don't think anything will work," Euphemia sighed. "Will Sirius be okay with this?"

"He'll be fine. Is his brother okay?" Remus added. Regulus was a complex to him. Sirius loved and cared for him unconditionally and Remus found that touching because Regulus seemed to be a product of his parents. But the way Sirius spoke of him showed that he was trying to be better.

"He's okay, I guess, considering he just lost both his parents. There were teenagers on another floor of the gathering, none of them were harmed," Fleamont stated.

Remus wondered what Regulus would do in the future, with no parents around to guide him, then decided he had to dwell over his and Sirius' future for now.

* * *

The healers could only do so much to ease Sirius' pain. The Incendio inflicted burns were fully healed, and his broken arm was now restored to health. The cuts were also easy to mend, unlike his Remus-given scars. They couldn't do anything about the residing pain from the Crucios his cousin used on him with a fiery hatred. Sirius' head was throbbing with pain and humiliation. He sat quietly through the process, thinking of his daunting past and how it would always catch up with him. He wondered if he could ever truly escape the binding chains of insecurity and fear keeping him from being his own person.

He also felt guilty for ever arguing with his friends because he would have still being tortured to death if it wasn't for them. They all risked their lives for his pathetic own, and he could only imagine the guilt Remus felt, the pain Lily was in and the anger that coursed through James. Lily was still unconscious and before the healer could leave their room, she told him that she was fine and would wake up as soon as the sedative, which Sirius guessed was the draught of death, wears off. He was told he would also be allowed to see his friends and family when she wakes up and the healers ensure both of them were fine.

Lily woke up not long after, feeling cheery and relieved that Sirius was safe. She promised him that it was her choice to come to his house and she was completely fine. When the healers did the final check up, James and his parents, Remus and Peter walked into the room. Sirius' expression must have given away his confusion as to when Peter joined them since everyone but Remus laughed at it.

Sirius was interested to see who James would reach out for first – him or Lily. When James sat next to and started talking to the latter, Sirius could finally dedicate his attention to Remus. He nodded absently at the get-well-soon's, and everything-will-be-okay's from the Potter parents and Peter, wishing that Moony would speak.

"There's something you should know," was what Moony said.

"They executed the death penalty on Bellatrix?" Sirius joked, or made it sound like he did.

"She's in Azkaban. It's something about your parents," Remus spoke cautiously as he sat next to Sirius on his bed. This was the safest Sirius felt all summer.

"They executed the death penalty on them?" Sirius said with a smile, trying to mask his pain. He wasn't sure why he did that, but he was taught that pain was weakness, and Sirius didn't want to admit that he was weak.

"Sirius," Remus frowned and Sirius thought that he ought to take his words more seriously. "Your dad," Remus paused and took a long deep breath, "there was a fight, and he passed away. Your mother didn't take it well and she's here, but being treated for something different than the physical pain. Regulus is fine. He's safe, at least."

What upset Sirius was that he didn't feel anything when Remus broke this news to him. He wished he had a good relationship with his parents. He wished he could react the same way Remus did to his mother dying, because that was a sign of love over weakness. He wished his life had been different but he looked around and saw Lily finally smiling at one of James' jokes, Peter talking to Mr and Mrs Potter about a small achievement, and Remus now holding Sirius' hand, and he understood that all the previous years of his life was leading up to this moment, to these people, and he didn't wish for that anymore.

"It's okay if you're upset, Sirius," Remus attempted to comfort him.

"Are you kidding me? Maybe my nightmares will cease from now on," Sirius said as a matter of a fact.

"But then I won't have a reason to hold you at night," Remus finally joked back, but quietly.

"Ah, as if the nightmares were why you loved to do that," Sirius finally smiled genuinely.

"About that thing you asked me to do earlier," Moony broke his eye contact away from Sirius' eyes to his shoulders.

"I was delirious with pain. You don't have to do it if you're not ready," Sirius spoke truthfully.

"But I am ready."

"Then by all means, go for it."

Remus kissed Sirius longingly and they both squeezed each other's hands. Out of the endless amount of kisses they shared, this meant the most to Sirius. It felt as if he'd taken Remus out of the darkness of the worries of his mind. It felt as if the most important thing in his life was finally complete. It felt more magical than anything Sirius had known.

The whole room fell quiet. A few seconds later James and Lily spoke in unison; "finally."


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it, the last chapter. thank you all for everything. i hope you've enjoyed reading this even if just as half as i loved writing it.

It didn't take long for it to happen. Lily and James were two magnets but the poles were just facing the wrong way. Someone, whom Lily attributed to Sirius, fixed the North with the South and it was an instant attraction. The whole school knew about them in no time because they didn't hide their affection. Lily felt as if James was catching up on all these lost years. He didn't have to try so hard and he had to prove to her that he was mature over funny, and smart over silly – which he was.

The timing was slightly unconventional, however. OWLs were terrible back in the fifth year, but with the NEWTs staring them in the face, she would sit an OWL everyday for the rest of her life and not complain. The entire seventh year were busy juggling studies with extra curricular activities and their social life. Now they understood why no seventh year went to Hogsmeade; they simply didn't have the time. James, Lily, Remus and Sirius had Transfiguration, Charms, Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts in common. Lily and Remus took Arithmancy together while James took Care of Magical Creatures and Sirius took Astronomy. Remus and Lily took an extra subject together, which was Herbology. Lily made peace that she most likely wouldn't be able to get all Outstanding grades, but she had a feeling Remus couldn't accept such an idea.

"The fact that you're trying to make this work," Marlene told her when she complained from the stress, "means that you two truly love each other."

They hadn't said it yet, but Lily knew that she did. She wasn't scared of love, or admitting it. Even if it was all too fast, there was no reason to wait. James made her happy, and asked her how she was doing with the intent of knowing the real answer every time he saw her. He played with her hair when she rested her head on his lap, and didn't complain when she stole food off his plate though she could easily reach for the platter. She wanted to cheer him in all his Quidditch matches, and learn from his experiences with people and country. She wanted to make him happy, and he was. To her, whether it happened in a couple of months or over years, that was love.

"I love you," she confessed later that night when they were working on Flitwick's homework by the campfire.

"I love you too," he said it back instantly with a smile and turned back to his homework.

* * *

James decided he had to tell Lily. The others were weary, especially Remus. He was scared Lily hates him, or thinks he asked them all to become animagi. James told him to stop being silly. He didn't think Lily was capable of hate. He called her out on a night in winter break where they all weren't swamped with work. The full moon was two weeks away and Moony would just come along to explain a little further.

"I sure hope you called me out on a winter's night for a good reason," she complained as she shivered during their walk to the Forbidden Forest. They decided to transform there so they would be out of anyone's sight but still not lead Lily to the shack.

"Trust me, my dear, you'll want to see this," James said as he blew into his hands.

"I think I got hypothermia," Peter whined as he tried to curl his fingers.

"You do this every month, you git," Sirius slapped the back of his head and Remus shot him a look of disapproval. James grinned. The two were either nauseatingly romantic or highly reminiscent of his parents.

They stopped near a tree and Remus took Lily's hand, leading her a few steps away from the others. James looked at Sirius and Peter, nodding and a second later, Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail stared back at Remus and Lily.

Her voice let out something that seemed like it couldn't decide if it wanted to be a gasp or a scream.

James walked over to his girlfriend and nuzzled her stomach. She rubbed the top of his head and let out a small laugh. Her eyes slightly teared up as she kissed his nose.

"Prongs," she recalled and Padfoot barked. "You're so beautiful," she smiled at James then looked at the dog, leaning down to rub his back. Padfoot wagged his tail happily.

"They did this for me. In your boyfriend's defence, it was my boyfriend's idiotic idea. They come out with me every full moon. They keep me company and keep me from hurting myself," Remus sighed as he spoke. Lily stood up and squeezed his shoulder, smiling.

"They were looking out for you," Lily said as she glanced at Wormtail who was positioned next to Remus. "I don't remember them getting too injured, except that one time with Sirius and I mean, I'm almost positive it was his fault."

Sirius transformed back quickly and called out, "hey! What's this? Let's bash Sirius day?!"

"Everyday is let's bash Sirius day," James said with a grin after he transformed back as well.

"You don't have any lecture for us on how we should be careful and this was a completely idiotic thing to do and we all could have or could still get ourselves killed?" Sirius wondered.

"You all managed to turn into animagi without registering nor killing yourselves. The only thing I have for you is respect, good friend," Lily answered him reasonably.

James couldn't contain his happiness. He wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up and spun her around them put her down, pressing his lips against hers. She kisses him pack passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," James said those words to Lily several times over the years, but never meant them as much as he did that night.

"Me too," she confessed.

"Couples are disgusting. Let's get out of here, Moony," Sirius announced dramatically and dragged Remus back into the castle.

* * *

"How I hope this works out," Sirius mumbled to himself. Remus was used to this by now. He could decipher Sirius' thoughts and words so easily now, he didn't remember a time otherwise. As they approached it, Remus figured Sirius was trying to find the Room of Requirement. Considering Sirius went to look for the Room of Requirement at least three times before just to find products for his hair with no success, he was very doubtful this time would be any different. However, Remus' intuition betrayed him when a door formed slowly before their eyes. Though he couldn't pin point what Sirius was thinking now, but he still trusted him. They didn't have to hide anymore, so why did the room present itself to them?

Sirius' smile grew wide. They walked into the room, which was more like stepping into the universe. Literally.

There was no floor, though Remus could feel he was standing on something. They were surrounded with a magical illusion that made them feel as if they were in space. They were engulfed by millions of galaxies, billions of stars, trillions of planets and zillions of moons. Sirius took Remus' hands and they sat amid the world.

"You and I, Remus John Lupin – by the way, what a boring middle name, because I can never stress that enough – are from the same universe. We come from each other. We need each other to function. We're different in so many ways, but we compliment each other. We hold each other in place. We have to be there for one another at all times. We can't leave each other. We power one another," Sirius spoke softly and pulled Moony closer. "I can't imagine a world that you and I don't end up together. You're my fuel and I'm your light. I could sit here to tomorrow and I still can't comprehend to you the ways you've changed my life, and made me a better person. You're my compass and you're my anchor and you're my Moony. I guess what I want to say is..." Remus wished more than anything that Sirius would finish.

"I love you," Sirius' words echoed then hung in the air and Remus laughed.

"Oh," Sirius breathed out.

"No, no, I love you, God, I love you more than all of this," Remus motioned around and leaned in to kiss Sirius. "Sweetheart, you just built up a lot of tension that's all. It could have gone so many ways, honestly. I'm just happy you finally said it," Remus smiled and kissed him again.

Sirius was visibly relieved and kissed back but pulled away a few seconds later.

"Why didn't you say it before?"

"I actually have, remember? In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you," Remus recited.

"Uh, I don't think a quote from a book you were reading to me as a recommendation from me is good enough," Sirius crossed his arms. He suddenly looked so child-like and Remus' heart warmed up. If Sirius wanted a long prose where Remus confesses his love, Remus was more than ready to give him that.

"I am more than the wolf in me, was something I was never able to say before you came into my life, Sirius Orion Black, who has such a pretentious name it physically pains me. Life before you seems to have not existed. Maybe it was preparation to meet you, because you on your own are a challenge and a mystery I had to figure out on my own. You read me and understood me so quickly. You overwhelmed me with rash bravery and inexplicable conditional love, which I've never experienced much before. You don't just bring out the best in me, you make me believe in it. Of course, I love you, Sirius. With your nightmares, past, destructive nature and all your other demons, just like you love me."

That night amounted to the expression 'out of this earth' in all of its meanings.

* * *

Sirius felt like he was dropping his child at the Hogwarts Express for the first time. Or cutting off all of his hair, which was saying something.

"Are you sure we have to do this?" He complained to James.

"Only the worthy deserve this, Sirius! Yes we do," James said sternly.

"We're worthy!"

"We're not going to be here much longer, Sirius," Moony replied with an apologetic look.

Sirius just sighed and shifted the map between his hand. He glanced at it one last time and folded it.

"Mischief managed," he whispered, tapping his wand on the paper and slid the map underneath Filch's door.

Sirius spent the next few days in mourning over his precious map. It was the most noble thing to do, but he didn't feel right without it, like a limb had been cut off. His nightmares seemed to have worsen once more because Moony had to wake him up in the middle of the night once.

"Sirius, is everything okay?" Remus asked in concern. Sirius noticed Prongs and Wormtail were up as well.

"I just miss the map."

"We all miss the map, mate," James pointed out, "something else is the matter with you. Did any of your family members hurt you?"

"No. No, none of that," Sirius said dryly.

"Then what is it?" Remus took his hand as he spoke.

"It's just, giving it away makes all of this real you know? We're never coming back after we get on the Express next month. It's not going to be the same. Coming here, it changed my life," Sirius started swelling up with tears that he couldn't hold back for long, "and it's over so fast. I'm going to miss the dorm, and McGonagall, and the shack, and Dumbledore, and the house elves," Sirius finally started crying. "I'm going to miss spending my days with all of you, and the library, and the hospital wing. I'm going to miss watching James play Quidditch, and Peter tripping over his robes." Sirius looked at Moony, "I'm going to miss you crawling into my bed every night and making them stop."

James sent a pillow flying into Sirius' face.

"Merlin's beard, you wanker," Prongs simply said.

Remus even laughed.

"What the hell?!" Sirius exclaimed as he wiped his eyes.

"You can see all the professors outside of Hogwarts however much you want, you know, they have their own lives? Lily and I will be living in an apartment that's a few blocks down from yours, which by the way you're sharing with Remus. I'm sure he'll be doing a lot more in your bed then making them stop. Need I remind you, drama queen, I will be playing Quidditch for a living and I shall ensure you you'll be attending every single game if you adore watching me so much. As for the hospital wing, I'll make sure to land you in St. Mungo's every week. Madame Pince's sister works there, I hear she's just as good. Go to bed, Sirius, for the love of Freddie Mercury," James ranted then rested his head on his pillow.

Peter giggled and fell back to sleep shortly. Sirius felt ridiculous, but relieved and that was good enough for him. He even laughed a bit himself. He hugged Moony tightly and they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

NEWTs period were the hardest thing Sirius had to endured, and he had to endure a lot before. When he was done, it all felt unreal. He couldn't believe that he voluntarily experienced all that stress. Meanwhile, his own performance wasn't half of what worried him. Moony's overload was eating him alive and Sirius did everything he could to help him. He made sure he was well fed and rested. They went over notes together and Sirius helped as much as he could with Herbology. Moony became Sirius' six subject at some point, but it was the only one that mattered.

They all celebrated once Moony finished his last exam, then napped for a full day.

* * *

 Graduation was heartwarming. It was a moment of reflection for all of them. This is where Sirius met the people who would make up for his past and the only person he would ever love. This is where James found his passion and got the girl. This is where Remus accepted himself and understood true love. This is where Lily got empowered and learned to look at things and people differently.

Late night, they all sat in the marauders' dorm. Peter was doing last minute packing. Sirius was doodling along Remus' arm. Remus was snacking on fizzing whizbees. James was playing with Lily's hair. Lily was toying with one of James' snitches.

"Favourite memories, go," James broke the comforting silence.

"Dancing to Fly Me to the Moon right there," Sirius pointed with his free hand, "and every single McGonagall class."

"Getting this tattoo," Remus held up his wrist, "and the first full moon we all spent together."

"Winning my first match as a seeker," James chimed next, "and the night we told Lily about Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs."

"James and Remus' birthday last year," Peter squeaked from behind a bag.

"Brewing my first successful potion," Lily finally said, "and graduating."

They continued to talk about everything that has and was to come. They talked about their fears and they comforted each other. They ate everything edible in the dorm and too soon, it was time to leave. They stood up and naturally formed a circle, looking at one another.

"Good luck with that one," Sirius finally spoke, pointing to Prongs but looking at Lily. "I've never seen someone so messy, you couldn't bare it."

"You just wait. We'll get married and have loads of babies," James said and wrapped an arm around Lily to pull her closer.

"One baby. A son. He'll be called Harry," Lily corrected James and he didn't object.

"Nice! What about us, Moony?" Sirius pouted at Remus.

"What about us, Padfoot?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

"What will our child be called?!"

"Merlin..." Remus muttered under his breath.

"I love it!" Sirius grinned and kissed his cheek. "He'll be popular that way."

They all laughed and stepped outside of the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had this ending written the first day since i published the story, and i hope you enjoyed it. i love these characters so much, and i'm so sad it's over, but i'm so happy i wrote it! i'd love to hear all of your thoughts.


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